MONDO EXTRAS

Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company

John is in the studio looking at a script one day when Joyce walks in and wants to talk. She's waving a copy of a TV magazine with John on the cover, and she's nervous that the focus of the show is being shifted exclusively to him. She asks whether Ted has said anything to him, and John says Ted hasn't said a word. Oooh, once again, Joyce DeWitt is the one who gets shafted -- that is so unfair! I totally feel for Joyce DeWitt. It's almost like it was written to make me feel that way. Joyce calls Ted over and confronts him about whether the show is being shifted to focus on John, and Ted blows her off. Of course not, darling, it's show business, don't you know, and so forth and so on. He is, however, sidelit in such a way that if Joyce were paying attention, she'd know Ted was lying. Joyce walks off, and John and Ted exchange a look. John is wracked with guilt.

In September 1983, Suzanne and Evil Alan are in Las Vegas, where she has apparently settled in with her act. Suzanne is reading some snarky article about herself and how washed-up she is, and she is not happy at all. In fact, she's throwing things. She tells Evil Alan that she's exhausted from doing the night-show thing, her weight has dropped to 98 pounds (wow, and she's got like thirty just in the boobs, so...you do the math), and she's just generally done with Vegas. Which is just wrong, because no one should ever be done with Vegas. Evil Alan points out that she just won Vegas Female Entertainer of the Year (undoubtedly beating out, like, Charo and -- at that time -- Cher) and that she's such a star that the hotel lets her use its private jet. Surprisingly enough, this is not enough to make Suzanne feel fulfilled. Collapsing back onto the bed, she laments, "I wanted to be Farrah! Not Liberace!" Hee. Alan comes over to sit with her and acknowledges that they miscalculated on the Three's Company situation. "Ya think?" she says sarcastically. Alan tells her, though, that he has an idea. "Not another one," she says despairingly. He says that they've gotten interest from a couple of sponsors who want her for a spokesperson. She asks if there's anything good, and Alan says there is. He says the inventor of the mood ring wants her to promote his new invention. And what is this new invention? Alan reaches down and retrieves a box, which he hands to Suzanne, telling her that the inventor sent her his invention for her review. She takes it out...of...the... box...and...it's... the...THIGHMASTER! You knew it was coming. The pinnacle of Suzanne Somers's career, before she did the diet books and everything. She tries it out, and she thinks it's cool, and a little bit funny. I, on the other hand, am always afraid when I see people using one of those that it's going to go "sproing!" and smash them in the face, driving the nose right up into the brain, but I will admit I've never actually seen it happen.

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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company John is in the studio looking at a script one day when Joyce walks in and wants to talk. She's waving a copy of a TV magazine with John on the cover, and she's nervous that the focus of the show is being shifted exclusively to him. She asks whether Ted has said anything to him, and John says Ted hasn't said a word. Oooh, once again, Joyce DeWitt is the one who gets shafted -- that is so unfair! I totally feel for Joyce DeWitt. It's almost like it was written to make me feel that way. Joyce calls Ted over and confronts him about whether the show is being shifted to focus on John, and Ted blows her off. Of course not, darling, it's show business, don't you know, and so forth and so on. He is, however, sidelit in such a way that if Joyce were paying attention, she'd know Ted was lying. Joyce walks off, and John and Ted exchange a look. John is wracked with guilt. In September 1983, Suzanne and Evil Alan are in Las Vegas, where she has apparently settled in with her act. Suzanne is reading some snarky article about herself and how washed-up she is, and she is not happy at all. In fact, she's throwing things. She tells Evil Alan that she's exhausted from doing the night-show thing, her weight has dropped to 98 pounds (wow, and she's got like thirty just in the boobs, so...you do the math), and she's just generally done with Vegas. Which is just wrong, because no one should ever be done with Vegas. Evil Alan points out that she just won Vegas Female Entertainer of the Year (undoubtedly beating out, like, Charo and -- at that time -- Cher) and that she's such a star that the hotel lets her use its private jet. Surprisingly enough, this is not enough to make Suzanne feel fulfilled. Collapsing back onto the bed, she laments, "I wanted to be Farrah! Not Liberace!" Hee. Alan comes over to sit with her and acknowledges that they miscalculated on the Three's Company situation. "Ya think?" she says sarcastically. Alan tells her, though, that he has an idea. "Not another one," she says despairingly. He says that they've gotten interest from a couple of sponsors who want her for a spokesperson. She asks if there's anything good, and Alan says there is. He says the inventor of the mood ring wants her to promote his new invention. And what is this new invention? Alan reaches down and retrieves a box, which he hands to Suzanne, telling her that the inventor sent her his invention for her review. She takes it out...of...the... box...and...it's... the...THIGHMASTER! You knew it was coming. The pinnacle of Suzanne Somers's career, before she did the diet books and everything. She tries it out, and she thinks it's cool, and a little bit funny. I, on the other hand, am always afraid when I see people using one of those that it's going to go "sproing!" and smash them in the face, driving the nose right up into the brain, but I will admit I've never actually seen it happen.

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