MONDO EXTRAS

Feeling Minnesota

by Sars October 15, 2005
Beverly Hills, 90210: Pilot

The club. Djimon Hounsou -- credited here merely as "Djimon," and looking properly ashamed of himself -- is the bouncer. Hee. He's not committing any sartorial crimes, at least, and is extremely hot. Not so hot is the girls' luck with the IDs; only Brenda gets in. The others' IDs get spotted as fakes.

Inside, more Elaine Benes "dancing" is going on. Brenda wanders around, at a loss, and then heads back towards the door, and the camera follows her and settles on the man, the myth, the tree stump: Maxwell Caulfield. The less said about his white Z. Cavariccis, the better, but...he dresses to the right, if you know what I mean, and I fear that you do. Anyway, "Jason" (for that is the poorly attired totem pole's name) catches sight of Brenda and goes after her, bobbing his head in time with the music. Well, in theory; in practice he's totally off the beat, but I'll give him a pass and assume that they didn't have the same music cued up when they shot the scene. Jason finds Brenda quizzing Djimon about what became of her friends, and interrupts with a sleazy "What's the problem?" Brenda gives him a "mind your own, dorkbag" look, but he persists: "Relax, I'm not gonna bite." Djimon escapes; Brenda crosses her arms. "You just look upset," Jason tries, and if you freeze the DVD right here, you get a sweet profile shot of his homage-to-early- Alex-P.-Keaton bear-claw hair. Also, his bunched-up pants look like a diaper. I had a huge crush on Caulfield in Grease 2, but...there's only so much I can give, you know?

Jason offers to buy Brenda a drink. She declines; she has to call her "mo-- I mean, I have to call a cab or something." "Aw, come on, one drink," Jason blares. Brenda still looks indecisive, and he wheedles, "I'm a nice guy, honest," and I wasn't the worldliest girl at sixteen, but it's right about there that I would have gotten a little creeped out by his determination (not to mention his dullsville pick-up lines). But Brenda gives in, and they head to the bar. Brenda can't decide what to drink, and duhs about it for ages, and Jason leers, "This isn't a trick question," like, shut up, Jason, and finally Brenda settles on a banana daiquiri, and it's right about there that Jason should have caught his snap that she's underage, in my opinion, but he just smarms, "Interesting choice," and orders himself a Tanqueray and tonic. They introduce themselves. Jason looms over her awkwardly and asks if she's in school, and she says she is, and he asks where, but she doesn't know how to answer so she makes him guess, like, Jason...figure it out. But he doesn't; he guesses SC, then UCLA, and she says that's it, and he's like, "Oh, that's where I went to law school," and Brenda says, "Oh, so you're a lawyer," except she pronounces it "lah-yer," and he says, "Yeah!" in this tone that suggests he's surprised that she figured it out, because it's such an intellectual leap from "law school" to "lawyer." Not. Then he asks if she lives in a dorm or in a house. She thinks he means a house house, not a sorority house, but manages to navigate out of that minefield without giving herself away, although she does tell a stupid lie about how her entire sorority transferred from Minnesota to UCLA. Jason's like, "In the what now?" but chooses to believe her because he clearly thinks he's getting a BJ later.

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Feeling Minnesota

by Sars October 15, 2005
Beverly Hills, 90210: Pilot

The club. Djimon Hounsou -- credited here merely as "Djimon," and looking properly ashamed of himself -- is the bouncer. Hee. He's not committing any sartorial crimes, at least, and is extremely hot. Not so hot is the girls' luck with the IDs; only Brenda gets in. The others' IDs get spotted as fakes.

Inside, more Elaine Benes "dancing" is going on. Brenda wanders around, at a loss, and then heads back towards the door, and the camera follows her and settles on the man, the myth, the tree stump: Maxwell Caulfield. The less said about his white Z. Cavariccis, the better, but...he dresses to the right, if you know what I mean, and I fear that you do. Anyway, "Jason" (for that is the poorly attired totem pole's name) catches sight of Brenda and goes after her, bobbing his head in time with the music. Well, in theory; in practice he's totally off the beat, but I'll give him a pass and assume that they didn't have the same music cued up when they shot the scene. Jason finds Brenda quizzing Djimon about what became of her friends, and interrupts with a sleazy "What's the problem?" Brenda gives him a "mind your own, dorkbag" look, but he persists: "Relax, I'm not gonna bite." Djimon escapes; Brenda crosses her arms. "You just look upset," Jason tries, and if you freeze the DVD right here, you get a sweet profile shot of his homage-to-early- Alex-P.-Keaton bear-claw hair. Also, his bunched-up pants look like a diaper. I had a huge crush on Caulfield in Grease 2, but...there's only so much I can give, you know?

Jason offers to buy Brenda a drink. She declines; she has to call her "mo-- I mean, I have to call a cab or something." "Aw, come on, one drink," Jason blares. Brenda still looks indecisive, and he wheedles, "I'm a nice guy, honest," and I wasn't the worldliest girl at sixteen, but it's right about there that I would have gotten a little creeped out by his determination (not to mention his dullsville pick-up lines). But Brenda gives in, and they head to the bar. Brenda can't decide what to drink, and duhs about it for ages, and Jason leers, "This isn't a trick question," like, shut up, Jason, and finally Brenda settles on a banana daiquiri, and it's right about there that Jason should have caught his snap that she's underage, in my opinion, but he just smarms, "Interesting choice," and orders himself a Tanqueray and tonic. They introduce themselves. Jason looms over her awkwardly and asks if she's in school, and she says she is, and he asks where, but she doesn't know how to answer so she makes him guess, like, Jason...figure it out. But he doesn't; he guesses SC, then UCLA, and she says that's it, and he's like, "Oh, that's where I went to law school," and Brenda says, "Oh, so you're a lawyer," except she pronounces it "lah-yer," and he says, "Yeah!" in this tone that suggests he's surprised that she figured it out, because it's such an intellectual leap from "law school" to "lawyer." Not. Then he asks if she lives in a dorm or in a house. She thinks he means a house house, not a sorority house, but manages to navigate out of that minefield without giving herself away, although she does tell a stupid lie about how her entire sorority transferred from Minnesota to UCLA. Jason's like, "In the what now?" but chooses to believe her because he clearly thinks he's getting a BJ later.

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