MONDO EXTRAS

Feeling Minnesota

by Sars October 15, 2005
Beverly Hills, 90210: Pilot

Meanwhile, Steve is grossed out that Brenda is hanging out with Kelly, and Brandon in turn deems Kelly "cute," and Steve grumps that she's his ex. "What happened?" "I dumped her," Steve frats, and walks off.

David and Scott...are dorks. Next scene. ...Wait, I just have to note that David is wearing a David Byrne-sized mustard-colored blazer while he's jawing about girls taking their tops off, which, shut up, David, and shut up, David's blazer that ate Pittsburgh, and shut up, David's micro-boner at the sight of Kelly, and shut up, David, again, for wondering if she goes for "younger guys" and sliming toward her and telling Scott to "mingle." Okay, seriously now, next scene.

...Wait, the jock who bonked Scott's lunch tray squeezes past him right then and shoves him into the pool, and all the partygoers point and laugh and woo. Scott flails. Next...scene?

Well, sort of. Nearby, Brandon tries to avoid a dude who's videoing everything with a news-crew-sized camera which has a light affixed to the top. All around him, people are doing imitations of Elaine Benes dancing. Scott hauls himself up the pool ladder.

Brandon wanders over to a gazebo-type area, where a girl is brooding in a porch swing. She's wearing a crushed-velvet dress with a bow under her boobs; it's actually not horrible, relatively speaking, but something has gone terribly wrong with the muscles in her lips; I would call it a pout, but it looks more like she has two sets of braces on, the way she's troutishly puffing them out. I guess this is how they rolled before Botox was invented. ["But not before collagen! Oh, Leslie Bega, I remember when you were on Head of the Class and had a normal face." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Brandon asks her if she's there on her own; she is. Brandon crabs that "this party really sucks." "I know," she pouts, so obviously it's Marianne Moore, alienated and lonely at her own party, poor little rich girl boo hoo et cetera, and Brandon doesn't know anyone because he just moved there, poor little country mouse boo hoo et cetera, and she tells him he's sexy and asks him to dance "right here" in the Gazebo Of Poor Little Gloria Happy At Last, so they dance even though there's no music, and you can see people playing tennis in the background, and Marianne whinges that every year it's the same party, the same people, jaded, blah, and it is revealed twenty years after the viewing audience figured it out that it's her house, and Brandon kind of wigs, but then they just. keep. talking. with references to her absentee parents and how hard it is to be popular and flirting and on and on and on and shortly after osteoporosis sets in, Brandon asks if he can call her sometime, and she takes for.e.ver to write her number on his arm in lipstick and sashay off.

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Feeling Minnesota

by Sars October 15, 2005
Beverly Hills, 90210: Pilot

Meanwhile, Steve is grossed out that Brenda is hanging out with Kelly, and Brandon in turn deems Kelly "cute," and Steve grumps that she's his ex. "What happened?" "I dumped her," Steve frats, and walks off.

David and Scott...are dorks. Next scene. ...Wait, I just have to note that David is wearing a David Byrne-sized mustard-colored blazer while he's jawing about girls taking their tops off, which, shut up, David, and shut up, David's blazer that ate Pittsburgh, and shut up, David's micro-boner at the sight of Kelly, and shut up, David, again, for wondering if she goes for "younger guys" and sliming toward her and telling Scott to "mingle." Okay, seriously now, next scene.

...Wait, the jock who bonked Scott's lunch tray squeezes past him right then and shoves him into the pool, and all the partygoers point and laugh and woo. Scott flails. Next...scene?

Well, sort of. Nearby, Brandon tries to avoid a dude who's videoing everything with a news-crew-sized camera which has a light affixed to the top. All around him, people are doing imitations of Elaine Benes dancing. Scott hauls himself up the pool ladder.

Brandon wanders over to a gazebo-type area, where a girl is brooding in a porch swing. She's wearing a crushed-velvet dress with a bow under her boobs; it's actually not horrible, relatively speaking, but something has gone terribly wrong with the muscles in her lips; I would call it a pout, but it looks more like she has two sets of braces on, the way she's troutishly puffing them out. I guess this is how they rolled before Botox was invented. ["But not before collagen! Oh, Leslie Bega, I remember when you were on Head of the Class and had a normal face." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Brandon asks her if she's there on her own; she is. Brandon crabs that "this party really sucks." "I know," she pouts, so obviously it's Marianne Moore, alienated and lonely at her own party, poor little rich girl boo hoo et cetera, and Brandon doesn't know anyone because he just moved there, poor little country mouse boo hoo et cetera, and she tells him he's sexy and asks him to dance "right here" in the Gazebo Of Poor Little Gloria Happy At Last, so they dance even though there's no music, and you can see people playing tennis in the background, and Marianne whinges that every year it's the same party, the same people, jaded, blah, and it is revealed twenty years after the viewing audience figured it out that it's her house, and Brandon kind of wigs, but then they just. keep. talking. with references to her absentee parents and how hard it is to be popular and flirting and on and on and on and shortly after osteoporosis sets in, Brandon asks if he can call her sometime, and she takes for.e.ver to write her number on his arm in lipstick and sashay off.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next

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