MONDO EXTRAS

Feeling Minnesota

by Sars October 15, 2005
Beverly Hills, 90210: Pilot

Whither does she sashay, you ask? Down to the pool, where she...hurls a bottle of champagne into the pool and party-girls, "Everybody! Go for it!" Okay, then. Then she clomps down to the end of the diving board and strikes this weird ass-out pose, like, what was the direction on that shot? "Okay, hon, now bend over and pretend someone's just put a firecracker in your bum. ...Great, that's great." Then she jumps off the diving board (but not into the pool) and she and Brandon share A Look.

Elsewhere, Steve swigs from a fifth of something and looks dyspeptic. Kelly is announcing to her entourage that they should get fake IDs and go clubbing to look for older guys when Steve weaves up to the group and burbles, "You...wanna dance?" Kelly's like, no thanks, Drunkie Goes To Hollywood. Steve's all "but waaaaah [hic]," Kelly starts getting annoyed, Steve calls her cold, "get over it, Steve," "get over your-self," and Steve staggers off and all the girls giggle.

Enter David. He waxes tumescent about how hot Kelly is, but Steve informs him that she's "the biggest bitch at West Beverly High," and he should know. "What happened?" "I dumped her," Steve says again, and then elaborates that she sucks in bed and has a "nasty personality." "I can live with that," David goobs. Steve's like, who are you, dink, and they introduce themselves, and there follows an eternal bit about Steve's mom, who is a famous actress from the fictional sitcom Hartley House, and of course David idolized her as the perfect mother, and of course Steve has heard this a thousand times before and must slur cynically that the reality is quite different.

Meanwhile, David's ride has come and gone. He finds Scott's doofy Lakers hat, soggy and abandoned on the pool apron.

Cut to outside, where David is looking around forlornly while other partygoers -- one of them, a guy, in acid-washed pleated jeans tucked into his socks, like, stop it -- file out. Right behind this fashion accident is a plastered Steve, insisting that he's fine to drive, and six extras trying to tackle him and PSAing that he's too drunk. Extremely long and stupid story short, David has to drive Steve home, and yes, obviously there is an anti-humorous bit of business with unlicensed driver David unable to operate a stick shift smoothly.

Open road. More drunk-driving PSA as Steve nearly pitches out of the convertible's passenger seat and David is an old hen about it. Kelly's car pulls up alongside, David wiggles his eyebrows, the girls are like, "As if," they pull away, and then it's basically that scene from Sixteen Candles where Caroline is wasted and the Geek is driving her home, except with less implied fellatio, thank the Lord, and also, when a cop car pulls up to them at a stoplight, David is...wearing a...football uniform? That was...in the car? Because...Steve plays? Football? And then they get to Steve's house, which is at the top of a steep driveway...do I really need to tell you what happens? Because you know what happens. You know David leaves it in neutral to keel-haul Steve up the front steps, you know the Vette rolls into the street and wrecks into a parked car, you know there's a Guitar Of Oh No on the soundtrack, and you know David bolts from the scene.

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Feeling Minnesota

by Sars October 15, 2005
Beverly Hills, 90210: Pilot

Whither does she sashay, you ask? Down to the pool, where she...hurls a bottle of champagne into the pool and party-girls, "Everybody! Go for it!" Okay, then. Then she clomps down to the end of the diving board and strikes this weird ass-out pose, like, what was the direction on that shot? "Okay, hon, now bend over and pretend someone's just put a firecracker in your bum. ...Great, that's great." Then she jumps off the diving board (but not into the pool) and she and Brandon share A Look.

Elsewhere, Steve swigs from a fifth of something and looks dyspeptic. Kelly is announcing to her entourage that they should get fake IDs and go clubbing to look for older guys when Steve weaves up to the group and burbles, "You...wanna dance?" Kelly's like, no thanks, Drunkie Goes To Hollywood. Steve's all "but waaaaah [hic]," Kelly starts getting annoyed, Steve calls her cold, "get over it, Steve," "get over your-self," and Steve staggers off and all the girls giggle.

Enter David. He waxes tumescent about how hot Kelly is, but Steve informs him that she's "the biggest bitch at West Beverly High," and he should know. "What happened?" "I dumped her," Steve says again, and then elaborates that she sucks in bed and has a "nasty personality." "I can live with that," David goobs. Steve's like, who are you, dink, and they introduce themselves, and there follows an eternal bit about Steve's mom, who is a famous actress from the fictional sitcom Hartley House, and of course David idolized her as the perfect mother, and of course Steve has heard this a thousand times before and must slur cynically that the reality is quite different.

Meanwhile, David's ride has come and gone. He finds Scott's doofy Lakers hat, soggy and abandoned on the pool apron.

Cut to outside, where David is looking around forlornly while other partygoers -- one of them, a guy, in acid-washed pleated jeans tucked into his socks, like, stop it -- file out. Right behind this fashion accident is a plastered Steve, insisting that he's fine to drive, and six extras trying to tackle him and PSAing that he's too drunk. Extremely long and stupid story short, David has to drive Steve home, and yes, obviously there is an anti-humorous bit of business with unlicensed driver David unable to operate a stick shift smoothly.

Open road. More drunk-driving PSA as Steve nearly pitches out of the convertible's passenger seat and David is an old hen about it. Kelly's car pulls up alongside, David wiggles his eyebrows, the girls are like, "As if," they pull away, and then it's basically that scene from Sixteen Candles where Caroline is wasted and the Geek is driving her home, except with less implied fellatio, thank the Lord, and also, when a cop car pulls up to them at a stoplight, David is...wearing a...football uniform? That was...in the car? Because...Steve plays? Football? And then they get to Steve's house, which is at the top of a steep driveway...do I really need to tell you what happens? Because you know what happens. You know David leaves it in neutral to keel-haul Steve up the front steps, you know the Vette rolls into the street and wrecks into a parked car, you know there's a Guitar Of Oh No on the soundtrack, and you know David bolts from the scene.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next

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See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

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