MONDO EXTRAS

Blonde: Those Other Years

by Wendola May 22, 2001
Blonde, Part 2

So then Marilyn is on the set of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, all drugged up and spooky. "Dr. Bob," who keeps her doped up on codeine and Benzedrine and other stuff, walks her over to film the "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" number, where she performs it beautifully. Everyone on the set applauds after they finish the scene. Then there's a close-up of Marilyn in the Narrative Beyond, looking as if she's about to say, "Screw you, Madonna." But instead she says, "For this I killed my baby."

So then she goes out on a dinner date with DiMaggio, filled with all sorts of awkward silences (his) and lies (hers). He's a famous baseball player, he says, but that's not as cool as being a famous movie star. Oh, she says, she's a famous movie star, but that's not as exciting as being a famous baseball player! She says she's always wanted to settle down and have a family, and DiMaggio mentions that he has a son with his ex-wife, which gets Marilyn all choked up, so she has to run to the ladies room. He's waiting for her outside and hugs her like a good daddy and leaves the restaurant with her. Cass, from the Beyond, says, "She broke the sacred trust…the covenant." What, like he and Eddie G are like The Masonic Order Of Celebrity Offspring Junkies? "When I heard about the abortion I called her. She kept blaming 'Marilyn,' but it was all her. It was all Norma."

Marilyn is getting her make-up done to prepare for the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes premiere. "So, is your 'friend' going to be there?" the make-up guy asks. "No, he's being honored by the Baseball Hall of Fame tonight…the PR staff are pissed!" An assistant is reading aloud some fan mail to Marilyn and comes across one that reads, "Dear Norma Jean, this is possibly the hardest letter I've ever penned. I know your mother is a sick woman, but she also has an evil heart. She expelled me from your life. I'm your father, Norma Jean." Everyone in the room goes silent. "This has to be some crank," says the assistant, who notes that there's no return address and it was mailed in Los Angeles. Marilyn grabs the letter. "Look for me, my precious daughter," she reads aloud. "On some special occasion in your life when father and daughter can be together." She starts hyperventilating, "Oh! My father…I've waited my -- my whole life…" "Are you all right, Miss Monroe?" asks the assistant. "Whitey," Marilyn tells her make-up artist. "Get me some bennies and some Nembutal."

Marilyn meets her adoring public outside the theatre for the opening of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. A reporter stops her and asks, "When are you and the slugger going to get married?" "As soon as I decide you'll be the first to know, before he does," says Marilyn. She walks along the red carpet with Jane Russell and says, "Jane, us two could start a riot. Guess how." "What, strip?" says Jane. "No, babe, kiss," giggles Marilyn. Mr. R's assistant Yvette (who looks way more like Jane Russell, I think) pulls Marilyn aside and tells her that "someone special" will be waiting for her at the Beverly Wilshire hotel. Marilyn wonders if it will be her father. She goes up the stairs of the hotel alone and pauses in front of the door to her suite. She goes into the room and sees a man sitting in the armchair, but it’s dark, and he's turned away from her, so she can't tell who he is. She wonders…could it be? "Contrived moment of suspense?" she asks. Well, actually she whispers, "Daddy?" And get this: it's not Daddy! It’s just that pesky Joe DiMaggio. She quickly covers up her disappointment by giggling a lot while DiMaggio explains that he couldn't get a flight in time to make it to the premiere, and he explains that he wants to take care of her and protect her and he thinks it's time they got married. He puts the ring on her finger and she starts crying, saying, "Now my life is perfect, Daddy, it is, it is!" Oh, good. Now I guess we'll get to "Marilyn: The Perfect Years" now.

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Blonde: Those Other Years

by Wendola May 22, 2001
Blonde, Part 2 Marilyn gets offered the co-starring role in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, even though she'll make only like a tenth of what Jane Russell is making for the same movie. She tells her agent, "And I'm the blonde? I'm hanging up now." Mr. R explains from The Beyond that he bought the role of Lorelei Lee especially for Marilyn, because she's the studio's highest-grossing actress, though he still thinks she's a tramp. Gentlemen prefer their virgin-whore complexes or something. Marilyn visits Nutty Mother in the hospital and confesses that she has only eighteen dollars to her name and she's not sure about having the baby. "I don't know if I can trust Cass, or Eddie G. They're like children…expensive children." Then Marilyn is told that her mother is schizophrenic and that it can be, uh, kind of hereditary. Meanwhile, Joe DiMaggio comes to town and unfolds a newspaper picture of Marilyn and tells one of his flunkies, "I wanna date her." The flunky shakes his head and tells him, "This broad's a tramp. She don't wear no underwear. She pals around with Jews and lives with two junkies. She's serviced every guy in town." DiMaggio looks at him as if to say, "And your point is…?" Back at Bizarre Love Triangle Bungalow, Cass is drinking, which is not a good sign; Eddie G is dancing around in a kimono, which is an even worse sign, and the two of them keep saying creepy things about getting their life insurance policies together. Marilyn freaks out: "All you do is sit around all day, drinking, and I don't know what to do!" "You're not fun anymore, Norma," says Cass. Marilyn runs out of the room. The Dynamic Duo smile slyly at each other over their glasses of wine. Sometimes gentlemen prefer…well, you know. The next day or something, she calls up Mr. R crying that she can't trust the Destructive Duo and she doesn't know what to do, so Mr. R gets his assistant to arrange for Marilyn to have an abortion. But when Marilyn gets into the car they’ve sent for her, she keeps saying she's changed her mind. She freaks out on the operating table. "You don't understand…this is a mistake," she keeps saying as the doctors give her anesthesia. The diabolical lullaby music starts tinkling again as Marilyn imagines herself escaping from the operating table and running down a long hallway following the sound of a baby crying. She opens a door into the apartment where Nutty Mother used to live, and she turns and sees a dresser, and gee do you suppose there's a baby in there or something? Except she can't get the drawer open, and she pulls frantically until finally it opens and indeed there is a baby inside -- a stunt baby, I guess, though not a very good one because it's still moving its arms. Although I suppose it could be an undead baby. Marilyn seems to think so, because she screams and screams until she wakes up on the operating table.

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