Sietch Tabr. Steven Berkoff cranks his spittle-meter up to near-Ramboesque proportions as he screams at his assembled tribemates. When told that the price Alia has placed on his head keeps going up, he replies with his finest Kubrickian over-acting. "Then. I. Say. Unto. You. Send men to summon WOOOOOOOORMS! Let us go to Arrakeen and collect it! I'm coming for YOU, Murdoch!" Cut to Christiane Gomjabbar, high atop a nearby cliff, as she reports on a column of Fremen moving north across the desert plain. "Yes, that's right, Aaron," she says. "I can just see them now. Military ground rules prevent me from disclosing the exact number of worms, of course, but I can tell you that the Atreides are in for one hell of a fight. These Fremen are motivated, professional, and incredibly well-trained. This has been Christiane Gomjabbar, reporting live from Arrakis. Um, do we go back to the studio now, or to a commercial? What? Oh. Well, my ear-piece is saying commercial, so we'll be right back after these messages."
Arrakeen. Gurney wanders the marketplace wearing his Brown Hood of Invisibility. It must have a tear in it or something, however, because Jack is lurking nearby as well, and he follows Gurney back to the small hut where The Preacher is waiting. Gurney still isn't sure that The Preacher is really Paul, but he apologizes for abandoning him to the desert nonetheless. "Paul Atreides is no more, Gurney-Man," murmurs The Preacher, using Paul's favorite diminutive for his former teacher. "The desert winds have erased all trace of his passage here. But soon, Muad'dib must follow."
And as if that wasn't portentous enough, Enya'int suddenly returns to the soundtrack as we dissolve to Alia, observing the approaching band of Fremen warriors. Despite the fact that Arrakeen is supposedly surrounded by a shield wall, and the Fremen are reported to be "more than a day's ride" away, Alia is still able to see them with her tiny little opera glasses. I've so got to get me a set of those. I could totally be watching people in Cleveland right now.
Inside the palace, Ghanima is making the final preparations for her wedding. These include, in the finest Fremen tradition, both a dress fitting and a knife sharpening. Suddenly, she hears Leto's voice, and dismisses all her attendants from the room. Once she's alone, he steps out from behind a screen in all his shirtless, sand-trout-covered glory. Ghanima's face positively glows at the return of her one true love, and they rush across the room all "the hills are alive with the sounds of incest" and fall into a lengthy embrace. And then they kiss! Really! They do! It's a long shot, though, so I can't quite tell if there was any tongue. Let's just assume there was, okay? She instantly recognizes the import of the leathery coating on his skin, and they both giggle as she traces her finger along his chest. I swear to God I'm not making this stuff up, people. They can't even let go of each other's hands, for God's sake! And then they turn to admire themselves in the mirror, which is without any doubt whatsoever the ickiest shot in the entire miniseries. Get a room, you damn freaks! Leto apologizes for what The Golden Path will mean to their relationship, and then they kiss! Again! Really!
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Sietch Tabr. Javid lectures Stilgar and some other Fremen. "Blah blah no more neutrality, blah blah Alia is hot, blah blah it's time for you to choose, Stilgar." Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just shut up and look pretty, Javid. He finishes his rousing little speech by asking everyone there, "Are you with the Empire, or against it?" Wow. I can't believe Susie didn't demand to get that line. Duncan enters at this point, and Javid brazenly asks him to talk some sense into Stilgar. "I can do better than that," says Idaho, his voice filled with menace. Then he whips out a crysknife and violently stabs Javid right in the stomach. He leaves the body lying on the conference room table, and cleans the blood from his knife as he silently dares anyone else in the room to take him on. Stilgar accepts this challenge, bellowing, "You have violated sanctuary! You have defiled the honor of my people!" Then he pulls out his own crysknife and uses it to kill Duncan. "I regret that I have but two lives to give for House Atreides," mutters the dying ghola. But don't worry, he'll still be back for the sequel. If you still care about trying to understand the plot at this point, it should be noted that Duncan knew Stilgar would respond like this, and sacrificed himself in order to force the Fremen into a war against Alia.
And speaking of Alia, a messenger is relaying the news to her that both of her boys are now dead. She cries a bit when she hears this, and declares "kanly" against Stilgar and his tribe. "I want their skins when they're caught," she proclaims. Ew. What is she going to do with them, make a dress? That's just gross. The Baron doesn't think so, however. "Nice touch," he whispers. "Very creative." Hee!
Elsewhere, Gurney rides a worm to visit his smuggler friends, who are flabbergasted to see an outsider accomplish such a feat. I'm not really sure why, given that half the Fremen on Arrakis saw him do it in the last miniseries, but again, whatever. Despite this blatant inconsistency, Continuity does make at least a brief visit to sietch when the smugglers are revealed to be the sons of Esmar Tuek. After the introductions are made, Gurney spies The Preacher in a corner, assembling what looks like a set of rosary beads out of some string and a pile of Froot Loops. Then Leto suddenly emerges, and even though everyone thinks that he's dead, Gurney isn't even the least bit surprised to see him. They recap most of the first miniseries for the newcomers, and then Leto enlists Gurney in his quest to begin The Golden Path. "Remember the words of my father and my grandfather," he says. "They spoke to you of desert power. I AM desert power. And nothing can stop what is going to happen. My nipples shall unite all mankind." Unable to stand against such a powerful vision, Gurney agrees to participate, and then we cut outside, where Leto calls a worm without using a thumper by simply stomping on the sand a few times. Now, see, that's one of those ideas that probably sounded really cool in the script, but in the execution it just looks like he's doing some sort of Samoan rain dance. When the worm finally comes, Leto climbs on board without the benefit of any hooks, and then swings it around to pick up Gurney and The Preacher.
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