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Children of Dune: Part Two

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There is no "eye" in "soulmate"
Q: But why must you persist in this foolish refusal to obey the imperial regent? A: Many great banners fly in the Landsraad. Atreides, Corrino, Harkonnen, Taran, Scaper, even House Firefligh. As Master of Machines I must countenance them all. To do less would deny valuable profit to the Imperium. Surely even the regent can understand the wisdom of this course.
-- Excerpt from a death-cell interview with Glark of Ix There was a time, many moons ago, before Britney, before Basra, before even The Butlerian Jihad, when I was merely a wet-behind-the-ears recapper-wannabe with nothing but a few Bible jokes in my bag and a song in my heart. This, of course, was before I was hired as a regular on this site, and at the time, I was desperate for any opportunity to prove that I was worth my weight in snark. How desperate was I? I recapped Scream at one point, people. Hell, I even recapped Wonder Boys. The hell? But when I chanced upon an ad for the original Sci-Fi network Dune, I knew I'd never get a better chance to show my stuff. After all, I'd read the book, I'd seen the movie, and I was an unrepentant big fat giant science-fiction nerd. It was perfect. And so, after much begging and pleading with Sars (who wouldn't know shigawire from Shai-Hulud, and who is undoubtedly better off for it), I was granted the treasured assignment. In the two and a half years since that day, I've written 77 recaps (totaling 1,294 pages and just over 600,000 words), and transformed myself from the Official Mighty Big Recapper of Religious Freaks In the Desert to the Official Television Without Pity Recapper of Death. My parents are very proud of that, by the way. And because I'm a big fat giant science-fiction nerd with a relatively boring day job, I decided this morning to bust out the spreadsheets and perform a comprehensive, in-depth historical survey of my Microsoft Outlook logs. This has turned up several surprising statistics, including the fact that I've received significantly more breast and -- I kid you not -- labia enlargement spam than penis enlargement spam. I wonder what that's all about? More relevant to the issue at hand however, is the discovery that the combined totals for both The Sopranos and Six Feet Under top out at an average of just over twelve emails received per recap written (otherwise known as ΔEpR). The Sopranos actually runs closer to nine, whereas SFU generates about fifteen. But despite their award-winning prominence, those two shows still only account for half the TWoP-related email I receive. Other frequent topics range from Oz (4.5 ΔEpR), to Mind of the Married Man (7.3 ΔEpR), to people who write to me about anything and everything because my name happens to be first on the staff list (12.4/month), all the way up to The Stalking of Laurie Show (a personal favorite that's so far yielded a big fat giant zero). As of noon on Sunday, March 23rd, however, Dune was running at an astonishing 118.6 ΔEpR. It is, for whatever reason, the most popular thing I've ever written, with correspondents from Madagascar to Berlin chiming in to tell me how much they enjoyed it. So if you're wondering why I purposely inflicted an additional six hours of work on myself this week, there's your answer. Recapping Dune is my own personal Golden Path, my sacrifice for the sake of all of mankind. You people better be fucking grateful.

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Mondo Extra
Children of Dune: Part Two

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
There is no "eye" in "soulmate"

Q: But why must you persist in this foolish refusal to obey the imperial regent?
A: Many great banners fly in the Landsraad. Atreides, Corrino, Harkonnen, Taran, Scaper, even House Firefligh. As Master of Machines I must countenance them all. To do less would deny valuable profit to the Imperium. Surely even the regent can understand the wisdom of this course.

-- Excerpt from a death-cell interview with Glark of Ix

There was a time, many moons ago, before Britney, before Basra, before even The Butlerian Jihad, when I was merely a wet-behind-the-ears recapper-wannabe with nothing but a few Bible jokes in my bag and a song in my heart. This, of course, was before I was hired as a regular on this site, and at the time, I was desperate for any opportunity to prove that I was worth my weight in snark. How desperate was I? I recapped Scream at one point, people. Hell, I even recapped Wonder Boys. The hell? But when I chanced upon an ad for the original Sci-Fi network Dune, I knew I'd never get a better chance to show my stuff. After all, I'd read the book, I'd seen the movie, and I was an unrepentant big fat giant science-fiction nerd. It was perfect. And so, after much begging and pleading with Sars (who wouldn't know shigawire from Shai-Hulud, and who is undoubtedly better off for it), I was granted the treasured assignment.

In the two and a half years since that day, I've written 77 recaps (totaling 1,294 pages and just over 600,000 words), and transformed myself from the Official Mighty Big Recapper of Religious Freaks In the Desert to the Official Television Without Pity Recapper of Death. My parents are very proud of that, by the way. And because I'm a big fat giant science-fiction nerd with a relatively boring day job, I decided this morning to bust out the spreadsheets and perform a comprehensive, in-depth historical survey of my Microsoft Outlook logs. This has turned up several surprising statistics, including the fact that I've received significantly more breast and -- I kid you not -- labia enlargement spam than penis enlargement spam. I wonder what that's all about? More relevant to the issue at hand however, is the discovery that the combined totals for both The Sopranos and Six Feet Under top out at an average of just over twelve emails received per recap written (otherwise known as ΔEpR). The Sopranos actually runs closer to nine, whereas SFU generates about fifteen. But despite their award-winning prominence, those two shows still only account for half the TWoP-related email I receive. Other frequent topics range from Oz (4.5 ΔEpR), to Mind of the Married Man (7.3 ΔEpR), to people who write to me about anything and everything because my name happens to be first on the staff list (12.4/month), all the way up to The Stalking of Laurie Show (a personal favorite that's so far yielded a big fat giant zero). As of noon on Sunday, March 23rd, however, Dune was running at an astonishing 118.6 ΔEpR. It is, for whatever reason, the most popular thing I've ever written, with correspondents from Madagascar to Berlin chiming in to tell me how much they enjoyed it. So if you're wondering why I purposely inflicted an additional six hours of work on myself this week, there's your answer. Recapping Dune is my own personal Golden Path, my sacrifice for the sake of all of mankind. You people better be fucking grateful.

Before we go any further, it simply must be said that the Sci-Fi Network ad where the guy cooks dinner for his tattoos is truly awesome. It's my second-favorite network promo ever, after the Sunday Nights On HBO party mix that runs before Six Feet Under.

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