MONDO EXTRAS

The Magic of Me!

by Omar G April 16, 2001
Copperfield! Tornado Of Fire

Hello. What you are about to read may or may not be real. Is it magic? Is it an illusion? Recap? Mondo Extra? I leave those labels up to you. But know this: I am David. And I am magic.

That's right. I'm back. It's been a while since you've seen me, huh? You've been sucking up to that little skinny punk David Blaine, right? Well, that's okay. I know I've been out of the public eye for a little while. But you see, I've been having some problems. Maybe you heard about them. Dashing magician meets voluptuous supermodel, then gets dumped for the tennis coach? Yeah, that can get in the way of being in a "magic mood," if you know what I mean. But no matter. I'm back. And I've got a big-ass "Tornado of Fire" to prove how much man I am. And if I should happen to die in an inferno on national TV, well, just send my ashes to Claudia and tell her that she can mix it in with her hashish and smoke it if she likes.

My spectacular five-years-in-the-making CBS special begins live from New York City. Suddenly, a spectral voice that reminds me of my own younger days can be heard chatting me up. Yes, young ladies with thin panties, it's Carson Daly. I know, I know, he's a tool among men, but for some ungodly reason, the young ladies love him. And The David isn't getting any younger. If Carson can create any spill-off effect, I'm there to take sloppy seconds. You think I'm proud? I'm a magician, for Christ's sake. I don't even know what "proud" is. Carson, all spiffed up in a sloppy leather coat, tells the audience that I'm about to engage in a dangerous Physical Challenge (tm CBS) that will only be performed once, on live television. No, it's not having sex with Tara Reid. I plan to set myself on fire and escape just as beautiful as when I entered the "Tornado of Fire"! Are you excited yet? No, not because of Carson, because of me! David! The Copperfield! No? (Sigh.) That's okay. I do some other tricks in this special, too. Carson acts vaguely interested in my fire trick as fake firefighters work behind him to ensure that this thing looks on the level. Carson plugs my touring live show, mentions that I'm performing magic in the round in front of 20,000 people (good dog, Carson. Here's a Milk Bone), and says, "Nobody does that." What he means to say is, "That skinny little Mexican punk David Blaine doesn't have the balls to do that." At least that was what I put in the script for Carson, but CBS made me change it. They don't have balls either.

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The Magic of Me!

by Omar G April 16, 2001
Copperfield! Tornado Of Fire Hello. What you are about to read may or may not be real. Is it magic? Is it an illusion? Recap? Mondo Extra? I leave those labels up to you. But know this: I am David. And I am magic. That's right. I'm back. It's been a while since you've seen me, huh? You've been sucking up to that little skinny punk David Blaine, right? Well, that's okay. I know I've been out of the public eye for a little while. But you see, I've been having some problems. Maybe you heard about them. Dashing magician meets voluptuous supermodel, then gets dumped for the tennis coach? Yeah, that can get in the way of being in a "magic mood," if you know what I mean. But no matter. I'm back. And I've got a big-ass "Tornado of Fire" to prove how much man I am. And if I should happen to die in an inferno on national TV, well, just send my ashes to Claudia and tell her that she can mix it in with her hashish and smoke it if she likes. My spectacular five-years-in-the-making CBS special begins live from New York City. Suddenly, a spectral voice that reminds me of my own younger days can be heard chatting me up. Yes, young ladies with thin panties, it's Carson Daly. I know, I know, he's a tool among men, but for some ungodly reason, the young ladies love him. And The David isn't getting any younger. If Carson can create any spill-off effect, I'm there to take sloppy seconds. You think I'm proud? I'm a magician, for Christ's sake. I don't even know what "proud" is. Carson, all spiffed up in a sloppy leather coat, tells the audience that I'm about to engage in a dangerous Physical Challenge (tm CBS) that will only be performed once, on live television. No, it's not having sex with Tara Reid. I plan to set myself on fire and escape just as beautiful as when I entered the "Tornado of Fire"! Are you excited yet? No, not because of Carson, because of me! David! The Copperfield! No? (Sigh.) That's okay. I do some other tricks in this special, too. Carson acts vaguely interested in my fire trick as fake firefighters work behind him to ensure that this thing looks on the level. Carson plugs my touring live show, mentions that I'm performing magic in the round in front of 20,000 people (good dog, Carson. Here's a Milk Bone), and says, "Nobody does that." What he means to say is, "That skinny little Mexican punk David Blaine doesn't have the balls to do that." At least that was what I put in the script for Carson, but CBS made me change it. They don't have balls either.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

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