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David Blaine: Drowned Alive

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Omar G: F | Grade It Now!
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David On David

Next is the Evel Knievel segment. Old clips of Evel jumping his motorcycle on ramps over a bunch of cars. A clip of him wiping out. David the Rat says that he's always admired Evel and loved his TV specials and doesn't seem to mind all the comas and broken bones that his idol suffered. In fact, he doesn't care that his idol is now a barely breathing bag of bruises. The voice over from Blaine says that Evel has an incurable lung problem that stems from years of abuse. Another tough-to-watch clip of Evel falling ass over face from his motorcycle. David the Rat says that he went to Clearwater, Florida to visit the guy. Want to read something sad? Check this shit out. We cut to David the Pest sitting right next to Evel's Lay-Z-Boy. Evel, wearing his white outfit, seems to be in lecture mode. Evel says that he's ashamed of who he is if it's making Blaine do this stupid crap. He asks whether there's something Blaine can do that's magical, but less death-defying. How about volunteering at a children's hospital? "Yeah, but I don't wanna do that 'cause then it's fake," says the poet, David Blaine. "That's because you're a daredevil. You can't help it," says Evel, who takes fifty pills a day and probably thinks this guy is trying to sell him insurance. Blaine and Evel get into a little verbal tussle talking about daredevils versus ordinary people, and Evel gets to rant a little how most people lack determination and guts. "David Blaine had it born in 'im," Evel says. "We can't help it. We are what we are." Nice absolving the freak there, Evel. He'll thank you when he's in constant pain and can't walk twenty years from now. David the Rat asks whether Evel wants to see his breathing exercise. Oh boy. Can't wait. Blaine lies on the couch and does his fey inhales. Evel pretends to be fascinated watching a guy holding his breath for five minutes. Evel says that Blaine's mouth is starting to change color. We see David the Epileptic Rat start to shake and twitch. At just after five minutes, Blaine finally gives up and starts breathing again. He looks screwed up. He moans a bit. Nice houseguest. Blaine pretends not to have heard that he made it past five minutes. He asks how long he held his breath. He smiles when he hears it was 5:05. He takes more pornographic breaths. See ya, Evel.

Artsy shots of shirtless, doughy Blaine underwater with fish out in an ocean somewhere.

And back to Lincoln Center. Stuart is padding, padding, padding. Another check with the doctors who pretend to be consulting on camera with Blaine's chart in front of them. It's super-boring. We cut to Canada and Czech Republic, who, basking in the afterglow, are putting on their wetsuits. They were already wet without them, if you can extrapolate from what I'm saying, and I think that you are capable. Stuart really sells the hell out of the breath-holding. It's not the Super Bowl, man.

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Mondo Extra

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Mondo Extra
David Blaine: Drowned Alive

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
David On David

Next is the Evel Knievel segment. Old clips of Evel jumping his motorcycle on ramps over a bunch of cars. A clip of him wiping out. David the Rat says that he's always admired Evel and loved his TV specials and doesn't seem to mind all the comas and broken bones that his idol suffered. In fact, he doesn't care that his idol is now a barely breathing bag of bruises. The voice over from Blaine says that Evel has an incurable lung problem that stems from years of abuse. Another tough-to-watch clip of Evel falling ass over face from his motorcycle. David the Rat says that he went to Clearwater, Florida to visit the guy. Want to read something sad? Check this shit out. We cut to David the Pest sitting right next to Evel's Lay-Z-Boy. Evel, wearing his white outfit, seems to be in lecture mode. Evel says that he's ashamed of who he is if it's making Blaine do this stupid crap. He asks whether there's something Blaine can do that's magical, but less death-defying. How about volunteering at a children's hospital? "Yeah, but I don't wanna do that 'cause then it's fake," says the poet, David Blaine. "That's because you're a daredevil. You can't help it," says Evel, who takes fifty pills a day and probably thinks this guy is trying to sell him insurance. Blaine and Evel get into a little verbal tussle talking about daredevils versus ordinary people, and Evel gets to rant a little how most people lack determination and guts. "David Blaine had it born in 'im," Evel says. "We can't help it. We are what we are." Nice absolving the freak there, Evel. He'll thank you when he's in constant pain and can't walk twenty years from now. David the Rat asks whether Evel wants to see his breathing exercise. Oh boy. Can't wait. Blaine lies on the couch and does his fey inhales. Evel pretends to be fascinated watching a guy holding his breath for five minutes. Evel says that Blaine's mouth is starting to change color. We see David the Epileptic Rat start to shake and twitch. At just after five minutes, Blaine finally gives up and starts breathing again. He looks screwed up. He moans a bit. Nice houseguest. Blaine pretends not to have heard that he made it past five minutes. He asks how long he held his breath. He smiles when he hears it was 5:05. He takes more pornographic breaths. See ya, Evel.

Artsy shots of shirtless, doughy Blaine underwater with fish out in an ocean somewhere.

And back to Lincoln Center. Stuart is padding, padding, padding. Another check with the doctors who pretend to be consulting on camera with Blaine's chart in front of them. It's super-boring. We cut to Canada and Czech Republic, who, basking in the afterglow, are putting on their wetsuits. They were already wet without them, if you can extrapolate from what I'm saying, and I think that you are capable. Stuart really sells the hell out of the breath-holding. It's not the Super Bowl, man.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17Next

Mondo Extra

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