MONDO EXTRAS

Marlena's Life Is Hard

by admin February 26, 2006
Days Of Our Lives

As always, thanks to the generous Days Of Our Lives watchers who came through big to win this charity recap. You kids rock -- and I am thrilled to have been chosen as your recapper. So let's get to it.

First and foremost, you should all know that I don't watch Days regularly. I manage to keep up with it by watching it once or twice a month, and by seeing the commercials during Passions, which I do watch regularly. Embarrassingly regularly. But come on: I am helpless against a show that once featured Adrian Zmed as a floating head in a tricorne hat. So if I miss some backstory or some such with this episode, please forgive me. However, I do, of course, remember that this episode took place two summers ago, when everyone on the show was getting killed off, except that they weren't really dying so much as they were getting mysteriously transported to some island that looked exactly like Salem, called, hilariously, Melaswen (which is "New Salem" spelled backwards), where they were then being held hostage, which, like, how bad can it be if you're being held hostage somewhere that looks exactly like home, and with everyone you know? Anyway, I seem to recall from Soap Opera Digest that not even the actors knew they weren't dead until they...you know, weren't dead anymore, which is totally brilliant. I also hear from my sources that Days cleans house with an alliterative serial killer every year -- the Salem Strangler, the Salem Slasher, the Salem Stabber -- but this particular plot line is especially hilarious to me. Of course, it's courtesy of the same man who used the Bermuda Triangle as a plot point on Passions -- up to and including featuring a character who would blame mysterious happenings on "the Triangle" whilst making a tiny little triangle out of his hands -- and who also set one of his character's dead bodies on fire on that same show. Of course, she also wasn't actually dead, and it turned out to be a wax figure that caught on fire, and it was never explained how, if she wasn't dead, she ended up going to hell that one time, but then again, that's the beauty of Passions.

Anyway, back to Days. We open on Shawn Brady, shirtless and locked in a cell. Typical. He's screaming for Belle to come help him, and rattling his cage. I can hear Belle asking someone in the other room where Shawn is. I'm not even going to ask why Shawn is locked in some kind of primitive cage in someone's bedroom. This sort of thing just happens in daytime television. I remember on All My Children when Janet From Another Planet locked her twin sister Natalie in a well in the basement of Natalie's house, and then Natalie went blind and she finally escaped somehow, and then of course got her sight back at Christmas and then something happened and Janet From Another Planet ended up MARRIED TO NATALIE'S HUSBAND. And no one really batted an eye at the fact that Trevor married the woman who kept his first wife trapped in a dirt hole for like a year.

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Marlena's Life Is Hard

by admin February 26, 2006
Days Of Our Lives

As always, thanks to the generous Days Of Our Lives watchers who came through big to win this charity recap. You kids rock -- and I am thrilled to have been chosen as your recapper. So let's get to it.

First and foremost, you should all know that I don't watch Days regularly. I manage to keep up with it by watching it once or twice a month, and by seeing the commercials during Passions, which I do watch regularly. Embarrassingly regularly. But come on: I am helpless against a show that once featured Adrian Zmed as a floating head in a tricorne hat. So if I miss some backstory or some such with this episode, please forgive me. However, I do, of course, remember that this episode took place two summers ago, when everyone on the show was getting killed off, except that they weren't really dying so much as they were getting mysteriously transported to some island that looked exactly like Salem, called, hilariously, Melaswen (which is "New Salem" spelled backwards), where they were then being held hostage, which, like, how bad can it be if you're being held hostage somewhere that looks exactly like home, and with everyone you know? Anyway, I seem to recall from Soap Opera Digest that not even the actors knew they weren't dead until they...you know, weren't dead anymore, which is totally brilliant. I also hear from my sources that Days cleans house with an alliterative serial killer every year -- the Salem Strangler, the Salem Slasher, the Salem Stabber -- but this particular plot line is especially hilarious to me. Of course, it's courtesy of the same man who used the Bermuda Triangle as a plot point on Passions -- up to and including featuring a character who would blame mysterious happenings on "the Triangle" whilst making a tiny little triangle out of his hands -- and who also set one of his character's dead bodies on fire on that same show. Of course, she also wasn't actually dead, and it turned out to be a wax figure that caught on fire, and it was never explained how, if she wasn't dead, she ended up going to hell that one time, but then again, that's the beauty of Passions.

Anyway, back to Days. We open on Shawn Brady, shirtless and locked in a cell. Typical. He's screaming for Belle to come help him, and rattling his cage. I can hear Belle asking someone in the other room where Shawn is. I'm not even going to ask why Shawn is locked in some kind of primitive cage in someone's bedroom. This sort of thing just happens in daytime television. I remember on All My Children when Janet From Another Planet locked her twin sister Natalie in a well in the basement of Natalie's house, and then Natalie went blind and she finally escaped somehow, and then of course got her sight back at Christmas and then something happened and Janet From Another Planet ended up MARRIED TO NATALIE'S HUSBAND. And no one really batted an eye at the fact that Trevor married the woman who kept his first wife trapped in a dirt hole for like a year.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

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