MONDO EXTRAS

Marlena's Life Is Hard

by Jessica February 26, 2006
Days Of Our Lives

And then it's time for BRILLIANCE. We flash back to Marlena in her coffin. And I must tell you that I am a sucker for buried-alive plot lines, like the time Sheridan Crane faked her own death on Passions, but people screwed shit up, and then she almost actually died because they didn't dig her up in time, but of course eventually they got her out, and then she was presumed dead like nine more times, and frankly, I am getting a bit sick of her and wish she would actually die, and I also miss the days when her brother Julian used to walk around town holding a book called How To Kill Your Sister And Get Away With It, which he never does anymore because he's nice now because he's been redeemed by the love of a good woman, which is so boring. Anyway, Marlena. She's lying there in her coffin, pathetically sobbing for John Black. I would have been kicking and clawing like hell, but you know. She's been through a lot. She's probably tired. We cut back to the bar, where she says, so very ponderously, "I knew I was buried alive." What tipped you off? Could it have been the fact that you woke up IN A COFFIN?

Cut to a flashback of Sami, with her head on her mother's coffin, and hearing Marlena say, "Sami, let me out of here" at the funeral. We come back from the flashback to the graveyard, where Sami is eyeing her mother's grave. Lucas slinks up and asks Sami if she's okay. She swirls around and says she's not. And I have to agree. Although her hair looks good, her eye makeup is awful. She can't believe John got permission to dig up her mother! "Lucas, it's a sacrilege! It's a desecration!" Lucas seems pretty underwhelmed and just kind of notes that it sucks. "You don't know!" Sami cries. "You sided with John and Bo! Everyone is against me!" At this, John Black slides up, looking sharp in a black mock turtleneck (oh, John) and a blazer, and apologizes, and then scampers off and stands over Marlena's casket with Bo. I don't want to get into why John Black and Bo are wearing matching outfits, but I like to think they had a conversation about it, all, "What are you wearing to dig up Marlena's dead body?" "I don't know, I was thinking black and grey? You should wear a tank top for sure." Anyway, John does, like, the world's most half-assed genuflection, asks God to forgive him, and then they open the casket. Well, Bo does. With a crowbar. John just watches and looks for some tasty scenery to chew later. Everyone stares in the casket, which is, of course, empty. DUM DUM DUM DUM. Wow, that would have been so much more dramatic if we didn't already know Marlena was on the Island. Although wouldn't it have been interesting if her body WAS in there? Because then who would be on the island? Her evil twin? Her soul? Would it actually be that we were getting a glimpse of heaven? Etc, etc. I should really be writing these things.

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Marlena's Life Is Hard

by Jessica February 26, 2006
Days Of Our Lives

And then it's time for BRILLIANCE. We flash back to Marlena in her coffin. And I must tell you that I am a sucker for buried-alive plot lines, like the time Sheridan Crane faked her own death on Passions, but people screwed shit up, and then she almost actually died because they didn't dig her up in time, but of course eventually they got her out, and then she was presumed dead like nine more times, and frankly, I am getting a bit sick of her and wish she would actually die, and I also miss the days when her brother Julian used to walk around town holding a book called How To Kill Your Sister And Get Away With It, which he never does anymore because he's nice now because he's been redeemed by the love of a good woman, which is so boring. Anyway, Marlena. She's lying there in her coffin, pathetically sobbing for John Black. I would have been kicking and clawing like hell, but you know. She's been through a lot. She's probably tired. We cut back to the bar, where she says, so very ponderously, "I knew I was buried alive." What tipped you off? Could it have been the fact that you woke up IN A COFFIN?

Cut to a flashback of Sami, with her head on her mother's coffin, and hearing Marlena say, "Sami, let me out of here" at the funeral. We come back from the flashback to the graveyard, where Sami is eyeing her mother's grave. Lucas slinks up and asks Sami if she's okay. She swirls around and says she's not. And I have to agree. Although her hair looks good, her eye makeup is awful. She can't believe John got permission to dig up her mother! "Lucas, it's a sacrilege! It's a desecration!" Lucas seems pretty underwhelmed and just kind of notes that it sucks. "You don't know!" Sami cries. "You sided with John and Bo! Everyone is against me!" At this, John Black slides up, looking sharp in a black mock turtleneck (oh, John) and a blazer, and apologizes, and then scampers off and stands over Marlena's casket with Bo. I don't want to get into why John Black and Bo are wearing matching outfits, but I like to think they had a conversation about it, all, "What are you wearing to dig up Marlena's dead body?" "I don't know, I was thinking black and grey? You should wear a tank top for sure." Anyway, John does, like, the world's most half-assed genuflection, asks God to forgive him, and then they open the casket. Well, Bo does. With a crowbar. John just watches and looks for some tasty scenery to chew later. Everyone stares in the casket, which is, of course, empty. DUM DUM DUM DUM. Wow, that would have been so much more dramatic if we didn't already know Marlena was on the Island. Although wouldn't it have been interesting if her body WAS in there? Because then who would be on the island? Her evil twin? Her soul? Would it actually be that we were getting a glimpse of heaven? Etc, etc. I should really be writing these things.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

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