MONDO EXTRAS

Or perhaps Dune 2000

by Aaron December 5, 2000
Dune Part One: Dune

Irulan approaches him. Gurney bails out, leaving these two crazy kids to themselves and whatever crappy, contrived dialogue the writers can make up. She checks out the Spice beer. Paul warns her that it can go to her head. She chugs it. How very Animal House. Or maybe it's Raiders. Who cares? It's lame. She tells him that the "ancients" had a saying: "Never judge a book by its cover." We ancients have another saying, honey, and it goes something like this: "Shut up." Paul complains that his life sucks. She calls him the "famous moody Paul." She whines that her life is no bed of roses either. They do that thing that people only do in movies where they get closer and closer to each other while arguing back and forth. I swear to God, if they kiss, I'm quitting. I know you guys are short-staffed what with Wing getting fired and all, but I just can't take it anymore. "Are you mocking me?" asks Paul. She's not, but I am. "No, but I am trying to interest you," she replies. Instead of a kiss, music starts up, and she asks him to dance. That's close enough. I'm out of here.

For the rest of today's recap, the role of Aaron will be played by Robert Downey Jr.

Hi folks, RDJ here. Aaron just ran out of here screaming incoherently, and since I can sympathize with that sort of behavior, I've offered to fill in. Let's see here. Uh, there's a guy and a girl. Supposedly they're dancing, but really they're just facing each other and swaying back and forth. She's got a big butterfly glued to the front of her dress, by the way. I suppose it's better than a big flower. Who did the costumes for this, Carrie Bradshaw? Then again, with the performance-fleece stillsuits, maybe it was Carrie Donovan. Anyway, they flirt a little, and then the Sarduakar arrive to escort her away. Incidentally, I'll be playing a effeminate sailor in one of Ally's fantasies next week. Gurney and some soldiers arrive, and there's a confrontation. It's all very Romeo & Juliet. It's also very not-Dune. The Bratsey twins decide they should be the adults, and go their separate ways.

I just went back and re-read what Aaron's written so far. I discover that we sound suspiciously alike. Hmm...what's this? Sperm and needles? Aww, reminds me of home. I mean prison. What? What are you -- H=hey, stop that! Let me go!!!

Sorry, folks. I'm back. Robert was getting a little out of hand there. Anyway, I feel like I have to be strong and finish the recap. It's like I have some terrible purpose or something. I had to say that line here, since it's clear it won't be included in the movie. Anyway, we get another dream sequence from Paul. Sand face. Bloody water. Melting Bill Hurt (Good movie, by the way. Much better than Being John Malkovich). Paul wakes up and cries. The six remaining viewers join him. Commercial.

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Comments

Or perhaps Dune 2000

by Aaron December 5, 2000
Dune Part One: Dune Irulan approaches him. Gurney bails out, leaving these two crazy kids to themselves and whatever crappy, contrived dialogue the writers can make up. She checks out the Spice beer. Paul warns her that it can go to her head. She chugs it. How very Animal House. Or maybe it's Raiders. Who cares? It's lame. She tells him that the "ancients" had a saying: "Never judge a book by its cover." We ancients have another saying, honey, and it goes something like this: "Shut up." Paul complains that his life sucks. She calls him the "famous moody Paul." She whines that her life is no bed of roses either. They do that thing that people only do in movies where they get closer and closer to each other while arguing back and forth. I swear to God, if they kiss, I'm quitting. I know you guys are short-staffed what with Wing getting fired and all, but I just can't take it anymore. "Are you mocking me?" asks Paul. She's not, but I am. "No, but I am trying to interest you," she replies. Instead of a kiss, music starts up, and she asks him to dance. That's close enough. I'm out of here. For the rest of today's recap, the role of Aaron will be played by Robert Downey Jr. Hi folks, RDJ here. Aaron just ran out of here screaming incoherently, and since I can sympathize with that sort of behavior, I've offered to fill in. Let's see here. Uh, there's a guy and a girl. Supposedly they're dancing, but really they're just facing each other and swaying back and forth. She's got a big butterfly glued to the front of her dress, by the way. I suppose it's better than a big flower. Who did the costumes for this, Carrie Bradshaw? Then again, with the performance-fleece stillsuits, maybe it was Carrie Donovan. Anyway, they flirt a little, and then the Sarduakar arrive to escort her away. Incidentally, I'll be playing a effeminate sailor in one of Ally's fantasies next week. Gurney and some soldiers arrive, and there's a confrontation. It's all very Romeo & Juliet. It's also very not-Dune. The Bratsey twins decide they should be the adults, and go their separate ways. I just went back and re-read what Aaron's written so far. I discover that we sound suspiciously alike. Hmm...what's this? Sperm and needles? Aww, reminds me of home. I mean prison. What? What are you -- H=hey, stop that! Let me go!!! Sorry, folks. I'm back. Robert was getting a little out of hand there. Anyway, I feel like I have to be strong and finish the recap. It's like I have some terrible purpose or something. I had to say that line here, since it's clear it won't be included in the movie. Anyway, we get another dream sequence from Paul. Sand face. Bloody water. Melting Bill Hurt (Good movie, by the way. Much better than Being John Malkovich). Paul wakes up and cries. The six remaining viewers join him. Commercial.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

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