MONDO EXTRAS

Or perhaps Dune 2000

by Aaron December 5, 2000
Dune Part One: Dune

With Jessica gone, RevMo interrogates Paul about his dreams. He tells her he sees men dying, and strange people worshipping water and singing songs. Sounds like my old summer camp. He also sees war, and a scary girl with strange eyes. She pronounces Atreides "Ahh-treides." There's some more usage of The Voice, and then she directs his attention to a small box. RevMo tells him to put his hand in the box for a test, and he does so. "What's in the box?" he asks. "Pain," she replies. She places a needle to his neck and tells him if he removes his hand, he dies. We're treated to a lousy special effect of Paul's hand burning. The Discordant Strings Of Bad Direction And Pacing play for an interminable amount of time, as the director ignores the fact that we've all read the book and know what happens. Anyone else experiencing déjà vu? Finally, she gives up and lets him remove his hand, which is of course undamaged. Jessica comes back in, and Paul yells at her for not warning him and sulks off. I'm confused yet again, only this time I think I'm watching Dawson's Creek. As was noted by the ever-gracious (or possibly the incredibly sarcastic) CrewBaby on the forums before the show was even half over, this version of Paul is a "snotty, petulant little boy...literally the antithesis of his character in the book."

Suddenly, Jessica and the RevMo are on a catwalk somewhere. It's so bad that I can actually see where the soundstage ends and the backdrop painting takes over. Plus it looks like they're walking in place. RevMo delivers the famous "For the father, nothing..." line, which foreshadows the death of Duke Leto. In the book, the movie, and every sane, well-written adaptation of the Dune story, Paul overhears this line, and it forms the basis for his actions from here on out. It's all very melancholy Dane. In this version, however, Paul is nowhere to be seen. I'm fairly certain this is an editing gaffe rather than bad writing, because other characters continually make reference to Paul having heard the remark throughout the rest of Part One.

Now Paul and Gurney are sparring. Gurney looks like he's trying to be the Hey, It's That Guy! that played Michael Douglas's boss in Basic Instinct, but he's not pulling it off. He's definitely no Patrick Stewart. Say what you want about Lynch, but the man could cast. Seeing this abomination has really brought home how well suited his actors were to their roles. Paul Van Der Treides gets snippy with Gurney, telling him to "never submit to anger." Shut up, Paul. They fight some more, and Paul pins his knife to Gurney's throat. He's all happy he won, until Gurney points out that he has his knife against Paul in the only place worse than the neck. "Do you want to sing soprano?" Gurney asks. No, but I'd rather be watching them right now. Hell, I'd rather be watching Big Brother right now. Paul complains that he's not in the mood. "Moods are for women and cattle," replies Gurney. Careful. Gervase said that and they almost kicked him off the island. Paul sulks off again. Thufir Hawat, who is wearing a squared-off purple hat and who gets no introduction whatsoever, complains that his mother is filling his head with nonsense. You know what, if this show can't be bothered to explain things to those who haven't read the book, then I won't either. If you get lost, well, you're no different from those who have read the book, so don't feel bad.

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Or perhaps Dune 2000

by Aaron December 5, 2000
Dune Part One: Dune With Jessica gone, RevMo interrogates Paul about his dreams. He tells her he sees men dying, and strange people worshipping water and singing songs. Sounds like my old summer camp. He also sees war, and a scary girl with strange eyes. She pronounces Atreides "Ahh-treides." There's some more usage of The Voice, and then she directs his attention to a small box. RevMo tells him to put his hand in the box for a test, and he does so. "What's in the box?" he asks. "Pain," she replies. She places a needle to his neck and tells him if he removes his hand, he dies. We're treated to a lousy special effect of Paul's hand burning. The Discordant Strings Of Bad Direction And Pacing play for an interminable amount of time, as the director ignores the fact that we've all read the book and know what happens. Anyone else experiencing déjà vu? Finally, she gives up and lets him remove his hand, which is of course undamaged. Jessica comes back in, and Paul yells at her for not warning him and sulks off. I'm confused yet again, only this time I think I'm watching Dawson's Creek. As was noted by the ever-gracious (or possibly the incredibly sarcastic) CrewBaby on the forums before the show was even half over, this version of Paul is a "snotty, petulant little boy...literally the antithesis of his character in the book." Suddenly, Jessica and the RevMo are on a catwalk somewhere. It's so bad that I can actually see where the soundstage ends and the backdrop painting takes over. Plus it looks like they're walking in place. RevMo delivers the famous "For the father, nothing..." line, which foreshadows the death of Duke Leto. In the book, the movie, and every sane, well-written adaptation of the Dune story, Paul overhears this line, and it forms the basis for his actions from here on out. It's all very melancholy Dane. In this version, however, Paul is nowhere to be seen. I'm fairly certain this is an editing gaffe rather than bad writing, because other characters continually make reference to Paul having heard the remark throughout the rest of Part One. Now Paul and Gurney are sparring. Gurney looks like he's trying to be the Hey, It's That Guy! that played Michael Douglas's boss in Basic Instinct, but he's not pulling it off. He's definitely no Patrick Stewart. Say what you want about Lynch, but the man could cast. Seeing this abomination has really brought home how well suited his actors were to their roles. Paul Van Der Treides gets snippy with Gurney, telling him to "never submit to anger." Shut up, Paul. They fight some more, and Paul pins his knife to Gurney's throat. He's all happy he won, until Gurney points out that he has his knife against Paul in the only place worse than the neck. "Do you want to sing soprano?" Gurney asks. No, but I'd rather be watching them right now. Hell, I'd rather be watching Big Brother right now. Paul complains that he's not in the mood. "Moods are for women and cattle," replies Gurney. Careful. Gervase said that and they almost kicked him off the island. Paul sulks off again. Thufir Hawat, who is wearing a squared-off purple hat and who gets no introduction whatsoever, complains that his mother is filling his head with nonsense. You know what, if this show can't be bothered to explain things to those who haven't read the book, then I won't either. If you get lost, well, you're no different from those who have read the book, so don't feel bad.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

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