MONDO EXTRAS

Or perhaps Dune 2000

by Aaron December 5, 2000
Dune Part One: Dune

I always wondered who advertised on the Sci Fi Channel. Turns out they know their audience pretty well. It's all electric shavers and Radio Shack gizmos. Nary a feminine hygiene product in sight.

We return to see the same flashing light, from a different angle. Duncan Idaho is watching from the rocks with a band of Fremen. The leader of the band is named Turok. Shouldn't he be out hunting dinosaurs? I'm too lazy to check through my book and see if there is in fact a Fremen named Turok, but since this whole scene is made up, I'm gonna assume there isn't. Turok sends Duncan back to warn Duke Sleepo of treachery, while he goes to take out whoever is flashing the light signal.

Sunrise. Gurney, Sleepo, and Paul head to the hangar. They're wearing stillsuits, which in this version of the story resemble Old Navy Performance Fleece. Kynes arrives, and explains how the suits work. He compliments Paul for putting the stillsuit on properly without any training. This is supposed to symbolize Paul's natural affinity for the planet, but it pretty much just gets glossed over as they head into the Ornithopter. They fly away, and we get a decent special effect that's ruined by some cheesy sixties spy movie music that sounds like it came straight off the temp tracks for Austin Powers.

As they fly, Kynes explains the relationship between worms and Spice. The worms guard the Spice, and attack anyone who tries to mine it. Sleepo spots wormsign on the horizon, and they radio the miners to evacuate. Oops, the carry-all is missing. Unlike David Lynch, the producers decide to save some cash by just not showing the carry-alls at all. Because they didn't save enough by hiring Slovakian dinner-theater actors to fill out the cast. Sleepo organizes a rescue plan. As we reach the mining platform, there's a Matrix-style wraparound CGI shot. It's pretty cheesy, but it's still better than that nasty-ass one in the opening credits to Dark Angel. And people complain about the fetus...

As Sleepo lands his thopter outside the mining rig, the miners refuse to come out. Sleepo threatens to blow them up with his lasgun, only he pronounces it "Lays"-gun. It shoots potato chips? Mom, if you're reading this, that's what I want for Hanukkah. Finally the miners emerge. It's painfully obvious that this scene was filmed on a soundstage, as there's no wind, the background is six inches away, and I can still see some stagehands painting a corner of the backdrop. The worm finally breaks the surface and rises a hundred feet into the air. It opens its mouth, and we dive inside and go to commercial. Very cool shot.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

Comments

Or perhaps Dune 2000

by Aaron December 5, 2000
Dune Part One: Dune I always wondered who advertised on the Sci Fi Channel. Turns out they know their audience pretty well. It's all electric shavers and Radio Shack gizmos. Nary a feminine hygiene product in sight. We return to see the same flashing light, from a different angle. Duncan Idaho is watching from the rocks with a band of Fremen. The leader of the band is named Turok. Shouldn't he be out hunting dinosaurs? I'm too lazy to check through my book and see if there is in fact a Fremen named Turok, but since this whole scene is made up, I'm gonna assume there isn't. Turok sends Duncan back to warn Duke Sleepo of treachery, while he goes to take out whoever is flashing the light signal. Sunrise. Gurney, Sleepo, and Paul head to the hangar. They're wearing stillsuits, which in this version of the story resemble Old Navy Performance Fleece. Kynes arrives, and explains how the suits work. He compliments Paul for putting the stillsuit on properly without any training. This is supposed to symbolize Paul's natural affinity for the planet, but it pretty much just gets glossed over as they head into the Ornithopter. They fly away, and we get a decent special effect that's ruined by some cheesy sixties spy movie music that sounds like it came straight off the temp tracks for Austin Powers. As they fly, Kynes explains the relationship between worms and Spice. The worms guard the Spice, and attack anyone who tries to mine it. Sleepo spots wormsign on the horizon, and they radio the miners to evacuate. Oops, the carry-all is missing. Unlike David Lynch, the producers decide to save some cash by just not showing the carry-alls at all. Because they didn't save enough by hiring Slovakian dinner-theater actors to fill out the cast. Sleepo organizes a rescue plan. As we reach the mining platform, there's a Matrix-style wraparound CGI shot. It's pretty cheesy, but it's still better than that nasty-ass one in the opening credits to Dark Angel. And people complain about the fetus... As Sleepo lands his thopter outside the mining rig, the miners refuse to come out. Sleepo threatens to blow them up with his lasgun, only he pronounces it "Lays"-gun. It shoots potato chips? Mom, if you're reading this, that's what I want for Hanukkah. Finally the miners emerge. It's painfully obvious that this scene was filmed on a soundstage, as there's no wind, the background is six inches away, and I can still see some stagehands painting a corner of the backdrop. The worm finally breaks the surface and rises a hundred feet into the air. It opens its mouth, and we dive inside and go to commercial. Very cool shot.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP