MONDO EXTRAS

Everything you know is wrong

by Aaron December 13, 2000
Dune Part Three: The Prophet

Fey takes this opportunity to invoke Kanly. He challenges Paul to a duel. Gurney and Otheym offer to fight for Paul, but Fey trash-talks him into it. Paul, by the way, is wearing what may be the most bizarre outfit of the entire movie. The bottom half looks like a Pope. The top half looks like a pimp. My mom got me something just like it for Hanukah last year. The Emperor offers Fey the use of his knife.

Fey takes his robe off, and Alia giggles at his shirtless body. You go, girl. Paul takes off his pimpy-pope suit and shares a moment with Chani. She tells him she's not afraid. You go, girlfriend. And now that we've had the Dramatic Revelation Of Paternal Identity and the Climactic Battle Fought With Strangely-Shaped Fighters, it's time for the Mythic Single-Combat With Sabers And Special Powers. Man, George Lucas repeats his themes almost as much as I do. At least he doesn't rhyme. I hear he's into mime.

We get about five minutes of decent fight choreography performed by two crappy stuntmen. Paul uses the Weirding Way a few times. There's much shirtless huffing and puffing. Darth Feyder still can't muster a screen presence. Paul Sky-Blue-Eyewalker refuses to acknowledge his taunts. Feyder cuts his hand off. Not really. Instead he tackles him and tries to stab him with a poison needle hidden in his belt buckle. There's another moment of fake suspense, and then Paul rolls him off and plants his knife in Fey's chest. End of fight. Paul stands and huffs a bit more.

As he huffs and puffs and blows the Empire down, Alia is the one person clapping. So that's what it sounds like. RevMo tells the Emperor that Irulan must marry Paul. Irulan approaches him and simpers a bit. He walks away. The Emperor and RevMo walk away in the other direction, leaving Irulan alone in the center of the Huge Hall of Bizarre Lighting Patterns. Paul goes to Chani, and Jessica goes to voice-over: "She may have my son's name, but it is we, who carry the name concubine, that history shall call wives." That's straight from the book. It didn't make sense there, either. Paul and Chani dissolve to the desert, where they walk arm-in-arm across a greening desert and into the fake sunset. We pan down past a non-italicized dune, and we're out.

Final verdict? Not bad. Not as good as the Lynch. Nowhere near as good as the book. Which just goes to show you, reading is still better than watching. And when you think about it, isn't that why we're all here at MBTV?

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Everything you know is wrong

by Aaron December 13, 2000
Dune Part Three: The Prophet We come back to Paul seated on a throne. The Gang is behind him, including Jessica and Chani, who have put on funky hats of their own. Chani's works for me for some reason, even though I still prefer her in the towel. The Emperor and his crew enter the other end of the long hall. He threatens Paul. Paul ignores him, and tells the Pointy Hat Guild Guy to send away the fleet that's above them in space. The Guild Guy's tai chi acting method is totally out of control. He looks like he's having a seizure. Paul threatens to destroy all Spice production forever. That's what the whole Water of Life on a pre-Spice mass thing was about. The Point Hat Guild Guy concedes that he could do it. Paul reminds them that this would end interstellar travel and civilization as they know it. And finally, Irulan has a point. She tells her father the only solution to the problem. She'll marry Paul and he'll be the new Emperor. Dad refuses. She tells him, "Here's a man fit to be your son." The Emperor whines a lot too, so I guess that makes sense. Jessica tells Paul not to do it, but Chani says it's okay. I guess Jessica is a good mother after all. Fey takes this opportunity to invoke Kanly. He challenges Paul to a duel. Gurney and Otheym offer to fight for Paul, but Fey trash-talks him into it. Paul, by the way, is wearing what may be the most bizarre outfit of the entire movie. The bottom half looks like a Pope. The top half looks like a pimp. My mom got me something just like it for Hanukah last year. The Emperor offers Fey the use of his knife. Fey takes his robe off, and Alia giggles at his shirtless body. You go, girl. Paul takes off his pimpy-pope suit and shares a moment with Chani. She tells him she's not afraid. You go, girlfriend. And now that we've had the Dramatic Revelation Of Paternal Identity and the Climactic Battle Fought With Strangely-Shaped Fighters, it's time for the Mythic Single-Combat With Sabers And Special Powers. Man, George Lucas repeats his themes almost as much as I do. At least he doesn't rhyme. I hear he's into mime. We get about five minutes of decent fight choreography performed by two crappy stuntmen. Paul uses the Weirding Way a few times. There's much shirtless huffing and puffing. Darth Feyder still can't muster a screen presence. Paul Sky-Blue-Eyewalker refuses to acknowledge his taunts. Feyder cuts his hand off. Not really. Instead he tackles him and tries to stab him with a poison needle hidden in his belt buckle. There's another moment of fake suspense, and then Paul rolls him off and plants his knife in Fey's chest. End of fight. Paul stands and huffs a bit more.

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