MONDO EXTRAS

Everything you know is wrong

by Aaron December 13, 2000
Dune Part Three: The Prophet

Fey takes this opportunity to invoke Kanly. He challenges Paul to a duel. Gurney and Otheym offer to fight for Paul, but Fey trash-talks him into it. Paul, by the way, is wearing what may be the most bizarre outfit of the entire movie. The bottom half looks like a Pope. The top half looks like a pimp. My mom got me something just like it for Hanukah last year. The Emperor offers Fey the use of his knife.

Fey takes his robe off, and Alia giggles at his shirtless body. You go, girl. Paul takes off his pimpy-pope suit and shares a moment with Chani. She tells him she's not afraid. You go, girlfriend. And now that we've had the Dramatic Revelation Of Paternal Identity and the Climactic Battle Fought With Strangely-Shaped Fighters, it's time for the Mythic Single-Combat With Sabers And Special Powers. Man, George Lucas repeats his themes almost as much as I do. At least he doesn't rhyme. I hear he's into mime.

We get about five minutes of decent fight choreography performed by two crappy stuntmen. Paul uses the Weirding Way a few times. There's much shirtless huffing and puffing. Darth Feyder still can't muster a screen presence. Paul Sky-Blue-Eyewalker refuses to acknowledge his taunts. Feyder cuts his hand off. Not really. Instead he tackles him and tries to stab him with a poison needle hidden in his belt buckle. There's another moment of fake suspense, and then Paul rolls him off and plants his knife in Fey's chest. End of fight. Paul stands and huffs a bit more.

As he huffs and puffs and blows the Empire down, Alia is the one person clapping. So that's what it sounds like. RevMo tells the Emperor that Irulan must marry Paul. Irulan approaches him and simpers a bit. He walks away. The Emperor and RevMo walk away in the other direction, leaving Irulan alone in the center of the Huge Hall of Bizarre Lighting Patterns. Paul goes to Chani, and Jessica goes to voice-over: "She may have my son's name, but it is we, who carry the name concubine, that history shall call wives." That's straight from the book. It didn't make sense there, either. Paul and Chani dissolve to the desert, where they walk arm-in-arm across a greening desert and into the fake sunset. We pan down past a non-italicized dune, and we're out.

Final verdict? Not bad. Not as good as the Lynch. Nowhere near as good as the book. Which just goes to show you, reading is still better than watching. And when you think about it, isn't that why we're all here at MBTV?

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Everything you know is wrong

by Aaron December 13, 2000
Dune Part Three: The Prophet As he huffs and puffs and blows the Empire down, Alia is the one person clapping. So that's what it sounds like. RevMo tells the Emperor that Irulan must marry Paul. Irulan approaches him and simpers a bit. He walks away. The Emperor and RevMo walk away in the other direction, leaving Irulan alone in the center of the Huge Hall of Bizarre Lighting Patterns. Paul goes to Chani, and Jessica goes to voice-over: "She may have my son's name, but it is we, who carry the name concubine, that history shall call wives." That's straight from the book. It didn't make sense there, either. Paul and Chani dissolve to the desert, where they walk arm-in-arm across a greening desert and into the fake sunset. We pan down past a non-italicized dune, and we're out. Final verdict? Not bad. Not as good as the Lynch. Nowhere near as good as the book. Which just goes to show you, reading is still better than watching. And when you think about it, isn't that why we're all here at MBTV?

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