MONDO EXTRAS

Everything you know is wrong

by Aaron December 13, 2000
Dune Part Three: The Prophet

Jessica goes on to exposit some genealogical back-story. She was supposed to have a daughter, who would be married to Fey. Presumably their child would have been the Kwisatz Haderach. Instead, she disobeyed and had a son, because she loved Sleepo. Most of this stuff is only relevant for the sequels. And since this mini-series pulled down record ratings for SciFi, a sequel has already been green-lit. Same cast and director though, so don't get your hopes up. Anyway, a lot more people watched this than either SciFi or I ever imagined. Bet they're sorry they ran it after sweeps now. Otheym busts in and offers Jessica some food because the writers couldn't think of a decent way to end the scene. I can't think of a decent way to end this paragraph, so…

Paul leaves Jessica alone. Gurney enters and attacks. Yep, he thinks Jessica is the traitor. I'm just disgusted by it all. Paul comes back and tries to convince Gurney not to kill her. "Am I capable of lying to you?" he asks. After Part One, it certainly looks like it. Paul tells him that they have Dr. Yueh's confession. It's the note they found in Part Two. They saved it back at the sietch. As an inveterate receipt-keeper, I applaud their dedication. As a discerning viewer, I boo their stupidity. Anyway, Paul and Jessica convince him that she's innocent. The rest of us never questioned it for a second. Gurney breaks down and starts crying.

Bedroom. Paul is complaining that he didn't see Gurney's attack coming. Chani is talking, but I'm not listening because all she's wearing is a very short towel. Rewind and restart. Rewind and restart. See, it's not so bad. Anyway, Paul sends her to the south so she'll be safe. She doesn't want to go. He snots. She pouts. They cuddle. Paul is wearing those Marky-Mark style Calvin Klein knee-length tighty-whiteys. Yeah, you're not gonna lose any water in those, no sirree. I rewind to the towel part again.

Outside, Paul watches Chani leave. He's lit in orange now for some reason, but I'm not even gonna try to guess what the cinematographer thinks that means. Cut to him, riding a worm alone through the mist. Uh, mist? On a desert planet with no water? Whatever. He returns to the now deserted Sietch Tabr. He walks in past the giant statue from Part Two and enters the room where the Water of Life is made. Of course, even though no one has been there for years, there's a baby worm just hanging out, waiting for him to drown it. We pan up the length of the statue and see Paul sitting on its crossed arms. He's meditating again. Outside, Otheym, who apparently was following Paul, sees clouds billowing around the sietch, in much the same way that The Extras saw clouds billowing about Mt. Sinai in In the Beginning. I didn't want to go there again, but if they're gonna recycle effects, I should be allowed to recycle jokes. Inside, Paul is hallucinating that recycled Supernova tunnel effect. First he's lit in a green. Then he's lit in red. Uh oh. Does this mean he's gone over to the Hark Side? He clutches his forehead, and John Harrison tries to out-Lynch Lynch, but the master isn't having it. People should just learn that these Water of Life scenes are un-filmable, and stop trying. Otheym enters the empty sietch just in time to see Paul collapse. Commercial. It's right about here that this mini-series begins to redeem itself, by the way.

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Everything you know is wrong

by Aaron December 13, 2000
Dune Part Three: The Prophet At the Emperor's palace, the Baron is explaining that Muad'Dib is just some petty religious fanatic. I'm sure David Koresh's Sunday School teacher feels the same way. Anyway, RevMo and the Pointy Hat Guild Guy convince The Emperor to crush the rebellion. He packs up the palace and heads for Arrakis (still no rhyme). Back at the sietch, Gurney sees Jessica arrive. There's a strange shot of her walking down the hallway with the Fedaykin staring at her. I'm not sure what that was all about. Anyway, she goes inside to see Paul. Jessica is concerned that he is planning to call out Stilgar. I'm still not buying the whole mother/son chemistry here. Paul takes this opportunity to pop a breath mint into his mouth, in case he gets the chance to get some incredible edible Oedipal action after they wrap. Or maybe with all the goofy dreams he's been having, it's some kind of a hallucinogen. It's never explained. Paul mocks the Fremen for having a simple religion. Jessica says she used them. I'm selfish, you're selfish, she basically says. Except Paul is so selfish he doesn't even realize he's selfish. He insists that he's special because he's the Kwisatz Haderach. Jessica goes on to exposit some genealogical back-story. She was supposed to have a daughter, who would be married to Fey. Presumably their child would have been the Kwisatz Haderach. Instead, she disobeyed and had a son, because she loved Sleepo. Most of this stuff is only relevant for the sequels. And since this mini-series pulled down record ratings for SciFi, a sequel has already been green-lit. Same cast and director though, so don't get your hopes up. Anyway, a lot more people watched this than either SciFi or I ever imagined. Bet they're sorry they ran it after sweeps now. Otheym busts in and offers Jessica some food because the writers couldn't think of a decent way to end the scene. I can't think of a decent way to end this paragraph, so… Paul leaves Jessica alone. Gurney enters and attacks. Yep, he thinks Jessica is the traitor. I'm just disgusted by it all. Paul comes back and tries to convince Gurney not to kill her. "Am I capable of lying to you?" he asks. After Part One, it certainly looks like it. Paul tells him that they have Dr. Yueh's confession. It's the note they found in Part Two. They saved it back at the sietch. As an inveterate receipt-keeper, I applaud their dedication. As a discerning viewer, I boo their stupidity. Anyway, Paul and Jessica convince him that she's innocent. The rest of us never questioned it for a second. Gurney breaks down and starts crying.

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