MONDO EXTRAS

Dynasty: “Royal Wedding”

Royal music and a fountain tell us we're back in Moldavia. This show has the best music cues ever. Once, in fact, we realized that all of us clearly needed these cues to accent our own lives. Jessica made a tape, and we practiced walking into rooms or saying things with dramatic Dynasty music for emphasis. It will greatly up anyone's quality of life, take it from me. Guys in brocade uniforms and white gloves are carrying champagne, and we hear jovial chuckling. Blake and Krystle are there, and she's sporting the drag queen look in a long, long-sleeved, sequined, flesh-colored dress that is tightly belted and contains the requisite giant shoulder pads. Michael introduces his father, King Galen, to Krystle and Blake. There are a lot of gratuitous compliments, Amanda adores her father, etc., etc. Krystle, I notice, seems to be wearing a cone bra to properly set off those shoulder pads. Michael walks into the room, but really all I can see is Alexis. She is in a red dress with white gloves. But it's no ordinary red dress, for around the collar and shoulders are giant, dyed-to-match red feathers. ("Dyed-to-match" is going to be an ongoing theme this entire hour.) She and Dex have a conversation that involves him wanting to talk and her being flippant. Marital problems, shmarital problems. Poor Dex. The most important part of this scene is that, upon closer inspection, I see that the red dress is belted and not feathered as originally thought, but just with tons and tons of layered, poufed fabric to give the illusion of feathers. It's defying gravity, and it is brilliant. Dex storms out of the room, and Alexis just gazes after him as her champagne is refilled.

I need to take a moment to explain that my notes on every scene in this episode begin the same way. "Oh my God, [insert character name here]!" Oh yeah, the outfits are That Good. Or, in this case, the hair is That Good. We've got Ali McGraw (no, I still have no idea what she was doing on Dynasty), and her hair is ginormous, standing up and around her head in a helmet with a flip on the bottom. All the better to accentuate her diamond necklace and earrings, which are fitting for a character known as Lady Ashley. She's currently having an affair with Jeff, since Blake ultimately rebuffed her advances while he and Krystle were having marital problems. It's a May-December romance that seems really grounded and stable, and I'm sure these two kids are going to make it last. My love for Jeff knows no bounds. He's kind of strait-laced and pompous, and a little bit dumb, but he wants nothing more than to do right by his woman and yearn secretly for his ex-wife Fallon, who disappeared right before their second wedding after the writers went through all the trouble of completely rewriting history and made them out to have been in love since they were children. It seems that the eternal optimist has proposed to Lady Ashley, who is holding off on giving him an answer. She promises to let him know "in time." Maybe this isn't the BEST sign of things to come for the relationship, but I can't believe they won't get through this weekend with flying colors.

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Dynasty: “Royal Wedding”

Royal music and a fountain tell us we're back in Moldavia. This show has the best music cues ever. Once, in fact, we realized that all of us clearly needed these cues to accent our own lives. Jessica made a tape, and we practiced walking into rooms or saying things with dramatic Dynasty music for emphasis. It will greatly up anyone's quality of life, take it from me. Guys in brocade uniforms and white gloves are carrying champagne, and we hear jovial chuckling. Blake and Krystle are there, and she's sporting the drag queen look in a long, long-sleeved, sequined, flesh-colored dress that is tightly belted and contains the requisite giant shoulder pads. Michael introduces his father, King Galen, to Krystle and Blake. There are a lot of gratuitous compliments, Amanda adores her father, etc., etc. Krystle, I notice, seems to be wearing a cone bra to properly set off those shoulder pads. Michael walks into the room, but really all I can see is Alexis. She is in a red dress with white gloves. But it's no ordinary red dress, for around the collar and shoulders are giant, dyed-to-match red feathers. ("Dyed-to-match" is going to be an ongoing theme this entire hour.) She and Dex have a conversation that involves him wanting to talk and her being flippant. Marital problems, shmarital problems. Poor Dex. The most important part of this scene is that, upon closer inspection, I see that the red dress is belted and not feathered as originally thought, but just with tons and tons of layered, poufed fabric to give the illusion of feathers. It's defying gravity, and it is brilliant. Dex storms out of the room, and Alexis just gazes after him as her champagne is refilled.

I need to take a moment to explain that my notes on every scene in this episode begin the same way. "Oh my God, [insert character name here]!" Oh yeah, the outfits are That Good. Or, in this case, the hair is That Good. We've got Ali McGraw (no, I still have no idea what she was doing on Dynasty), and her hair is ginormous, standing up and around her head in a helmet with a flip on the bottom. All the better to accentuate her diamond necklace and earrings, which are fitting for a character known as Lady Ashley. She's currently having an affair with Jeff, since Blake ultimately rebuffed her advances while he and Krystle were having marital problems. It's a May-December romance that seems really grounded and stable, and I'm sure these two kids are going to make it last. My love for Jeff knows no bounds. He's kind of strait-laced and pompous, and a little bit dumb, but he wants nothing more than to do right by his woman and yearn secretly for his ex-wife Fallon, who disappeared right before their second wedding after the writers went through all the trouble of completely rewriting history and made them out to have been in love since they were children. It seems that the eternal optimist has proposed to Lady Ashley, who is holding off on giving him an answer. She promises to let him know "in time." Maybe this isn't the BEST sign of things to come for the relationship, but I can't believe they won't get through this weekend with flying colors.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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