MONDO EXTRAS

Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

by Jessica January 12, 2005
Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

Cut to Lou Q. Public's house. He cracks a beer and sits on the sofa, looking interested. Why is he so interested, you wonder? Why, because he's watching Alexis and Krystle beat the stuffing out of each other in a lily pond. "Come on, get her," Lou says. "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about right there, Dottie." Dottie nods. Poor Dottie. Her life is just a misery.

As the ladies roll around in the mud, the ratings climb. Esther's office is full of congratulatory flower arrangements and yet more mock turtlenecks and pleated pants. She is admiring a muffin basket -- and Esther, just because your pleats will accommodate nine muffins, it's not a sign from God that you should eat them all -- when Al Corley sweeps in and complains that his character just can't be in a heterosexual relationship. Steven is gay! Gay! He waves his script around irritably. "I'm not gay, but correct me if I'm wrong: is homosexuality a disease that can be cured by a blonde bimbo in Daisy Duke shorts?" Les -- did I neglect to mention that Les is also in Esther's office? Because all of these scenes start and you think you know who all's there, and then you realize that Les has been scrunched up in a corner until he has a line -- says that he doesn't think so. Esther tries to reason with Al, going so far as to getting down on her knees to talk to him like he's a child. She is so smarmy. I want to smack her. Esther explains that the network wants to go in a different direction with Steven. A non-gay direction: "People love your relationship with Sammy Jo. Is that so terrible?" I know what's terrible: Al Corley's ACTING. (Not the actor playing Al Corley, who is actually quite good. The actual Al Corley.) Al is disgusted that they're just giving the audience what they want: "What about social change through art?" Esther sort of just gives him a look, and he storms out, saying that this is a non-negotiable issue for him.

And that's why Steven's face gets blown off in an oil rig explosion. Which is an INSPIRED way to explain the recasting, I must say. "Who the hell is that? What happened to the gay guy?" asks Lou at home, as the new Steven feels his totally different face. ["The actor playing New Steven looks like Martin Short crossed with Wayne Gretzky. The actual guy should feel majorly offended. Although he's probably too busy mourning the demise of Kingdom Hospital, his inglorious return to episodic television." -- Heathen] Yet again, I must give props to Steven II, because he rocked out in that role, and he also banged Billy Campbell. Er, I mean, the actors played lovers. I don't mean to presume about their personal lives. I'd also like to point out that the writers of this particular film are implying that, by recasting Steven, they also de-gayified him, which was not at all the case. ["But Jessica, he owns the football team at some point! He can't really be gay!" -- Heathen]

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Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

by Jessica January 12, 2005
Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

Cut to Lou Q. Public's house. He cracks a beer and sits on the sofa, looking interested. Why is he so interested, you wonder? Why, because he's watching Alexis and Krystle beat the stuffing out of each other in a lily pond. "Come on, get her," Lou says. "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about right there, Dottie." Dottie nods. Poor Dottie. Her life is just a misery.

As the ladies roll around in the mud, the ratings climb. Esther's office is full of congratulatory flower arrangements and yet more mock turtlenecks and pleated pants. She is admiring a muffin basket -- and Esther, just because your pleats will accommodate nine muffins, it's not a sign from God that you should eat them all -- when Al Corley sweeps in and complains that his character just can't be in a heterosexual relationship. Steven is gay! Gay! He waves his script around irritably. "I'm not gay, but correct me if I'm wrong: is homosexuality a disease that can be cured by a blonde bimbo in Daisy Duke shorts?" Les -- did I neglect to mention that Les is also in Esther's office? Because all of these scenes start and you think you know who all's there, and then you realize that Les has been scrunched up in a corner until he has a line -- says that he doesn't think so. Esther tries to reason with Al, going so far as to getting down on her knees to talk to him like he's a child. She is so smarmy. I want to smack her. Esther explains that the network wants to go in a different direction with Steven. A non-gay direction: "People love your relationship with Sammy Jo. Is that so terrible?" I know what's terrible: Al Corley's ACTING. (Not the actor playing Al Corley, who is actually quite good. The actual Al Corley.) Al is disgusted that they're just giving the audience what they want: "What about social change through art?" Esther sort of just gives him a look, and he storms out, saying that this is a non-negotiable issue for him.

And that's why Steven's face gets blown off in an oil rig explosion. Which is an INSPIRED way to explain the recasting, I must say. "Who the hell is that? What happened to the gay guy?" asks Lou at home, as the new Steven feels his totally different face. ["The actor playing New Steven looks like Martin Short crossed with Wayne Gretzky. The actual guy should feel majorly offended. Although he's probably too busy mourning the demise of Kingdom Hospital, his inglorious return to episodic television." -- Heathen] Yet again, I must give props to Steven II, because he rocked out in that role, and he also banged Billy Campbell. Er, I mean, the actors played lovers. I don't mean to presume about their personal lives. I'd also like to point out that the writers of this particular film are implying that, by recasting Steven, they also de-gayified him, which was not at all the case. ["But Jessica, he owns the football team at some point! He can't really be gay!" -- Heathen]

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