MONDO EXTRAS

Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

by Jessica January 12, 2005
Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

So, Boring ABC head honcho plays golf with the guy who owns Capital Cities. Because golf equals business, they broker a deal to sell the network to Cap Cities. Vince reads about this deal in Film Business -- which looks suspiciously like Variety -- and sighs deeply. ["Oh my God, people, earn your creative dollars. What's next? A faux- The Hollywood Reporter that's called This Publication Is About The Entertainment Industry? Sigh. Learn from The Simpsons, guys, don't just laugh at it." -- Heathen]

At home, Richard is complaining about having to write a whole new show. Esther pretends to call Aaron Spelling to tell him they can't do it, and she should have done it for real, because that whole new show turned out to be The Colbys, and The Colbys sucked. ["But it ended with Fallon getting kidnapped by a UFO! Which meant they saddled themselves with incorporating that into her return to Dynasty, and that, my friends, is so fucked up that it comes back around to brilliance." -- Heathen] Instead, she does a lot of passive-aggressive blah blah about providing a nest egg and health insurance for their old age. Finally, poor beleaguered Richard tells Esther to stop pretending she's on the phone, because he will try, all right? HE'LL TRY. "I'm feeling very, very, very overwhelmed," he tells her. Because apparently Richard is the only person writing Dynasty. ["Interesting, since IMDb only lists him as 'creator,' and lists a handful of other people under 'writer.'" -- Heathen] Esther wonders what he's got for their end-of-season cliffhanger. He starts to tell her, but Esther has to send the maid out of the room first. What if she sells the information to the tabloids? Oh, those dark days before the internet. Now people give out spoilers for free! Anyway, Richard floats an idea wherein Alexis rapes Blake while he's strung out on muscle relaxers. Esther reminds him that John won't allow Blake to cheat. "It's not cheating, it's rape!" Richard says. I would like to point out that this discussion may seem crazy to the layperson, but when my friend Grant and I have brainstorming sessions regarding our own nighttime soap, we've said things along the lines of "We can't do that. We already sold her into white slavery." So this conversation rings true to me. But Esther nixes it: "It needs to feel like you can't wait the summer to find out what happens." She reminds him that Blake and Krystle can't have marital problems anyway, because they're promoting the Dynasty perfume by saying some crap about how "theirs is a love that will last forever." Esther says she's sure Richard will come up with something. Richard looks thoughtful.

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Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

by Jessica January 12, 2005
Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

So, Boring ABC head honcho plays golf with the guy who owns Capital Cities. Because golf equals business, they broker a deal to sell the network to Cap Cities. Vince reads about this deal in Film Business -- which looks suspiciously like Variety -- and sighs deeply. ["Oh my God, people, earn your creative dollars. What's next? A faux- The Hollywood Reporter that's called This Publication Is About The Entertainment Industry? Sigh. Learn from The Simpsons, guys, don't just laugh at it." -- Heathen]

At home, Richard is complaining about having to write a whole new show. Esther pretends to call Aaron Spelling to tell him they can't do it, and she should have done it for real, because that whole new show turned out to be The Colbys, and The Colbys sucked. ["But it ended with Fallon getting kidnapped by a UFO! Which meant they saddled themselves with incorporating that into her return to Dynasty, and that, my friends, is so fucked up that it comes back around to brilliance." -- Heathen] Instead, she does a lot of passive-aggressive blah blah about providing a nest egg and health insurance for their old age. Finally, poor beleaguered Richard tells Esther to stop pretending she's on the phone, because he will try, all right? HE'LL TRY. "I'm feeling very, very, very overwhelmed," he tells her. Because apparently Richard is the only person writing Dynasty. ["Interesting, since IMDb only lists him as 'creator,' and lists a handful of other people under 'writer.'" -- Heathen] Esther wonders what he's got for their end-of-season cliffhanger. He starts to tell her, but Esther has to send the maid out of the room first. What if she sells the information to the tabloids? Oh, those dark days before the internet. Now people give out spoilers for free! Anyway, Richard floats an idea wherein Alexis rapes Blake while he's strung out on muscle relaxers. Esther reminds him that John won't allow Blake to cheat. "It's not cheating, it's rape!" Richard says. I would like to point out that this discussion may seem crazy to the layperson, but when my friend Grant and I have brainstorming sessions regarding our own nighttime soap, we've said things along the lines of "We can't do that. We already sold her into white slavery." So this conversation rings true to me. But Esther nixes it: "It needs to feel like you can't wait the summer to find out what happens." She reminds him that Blake and Krystle can't have marital problems anyway, because they're promoting the Dynasty perfume by saying some crap about how "theirs is a love that will last forever." Esther says she's sure Richard will come up with something. Richard looks thoughtful.

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