MONDO EXTRAS

Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

by Jessica January 12, 2005
Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

Cut to "Heather Locklear's" ass. She's wearing daisy dukes and cowboy boots, much like her character, Sammy Jo, would. What you don't find out from this movie, though, is that Heather Locklear? Not a country bumpkin. She went to UCLA and her dad was, like, the chair of some super-brainy department. (I learned this from her True Hollywood Story, and also from a lifetime of loving Amanda Woodward.) Anyway, John Forsythe totally checks out her ass, like, put it away, old man, and Heather wonders where she can find the makeup trailer, and John helpfully directs her, in between all the ogling. Meanwhile, Al Corley reads his script and is annoyed by the fact that they're making him fall in love with a woman. "Who the hell is Sammy Jo?" he asks. I would think this argument would have come up earlier, when they had Steven lose his heterosexual virginity to Claudia Blaisdel up at his father's cabin, like, well before Sammy Jo entered the picture, but blah blah blah time compression. ["Also, no one in his/her right mind would think that La Blaisdel, all milquetoast and plain, would cure a guy of the urge to nail other men. In fact, she'd more likely drive them to it, with that annoying voice and lines like, 'Oh, Steeeeeven. You have a tennnnndernesssss that transceeeeends gender.'" -- Heathen] Sadly, this movie doesn't address Claudia Blaisdel at all, which means that not only are we deprived of reliving the time everyone thought she threw Fallon's baby off the top of a skyscraper, we also don't get to see her burn down La Mirage with her Candles of Hate. ["I saw a pop-up Dynasty marathon once, and it said Claudia was the character of which Esther Shapiro was most proud -- the everywoman slid into the world of millionaires. I'm surprised, ergo, that the movie didn't try to work her in. But then again, this movie's writers probably didn't do 'research,' so much as 'read news articles and make shit up in between.'" -- Heathen]

Esther's office. She's begging Sophia Loren's manager to take a meeting. No go. Whatever are they going to do? What do to? "We shoot the courtroom scene tomorrow," Les sighs. "What are we going to do?" Why, they're going to act out on a woman entering the courtroom in a large veiled hat and big old sunglasses, thus giving them all summer to cast the role -- a workaround that I must admit is rather brilliant.

At home, Candy Spelling -- who is portrayed as slightly chubby with a terrible short haircut, neither of which is accurate from all the photos I've seen of the Spelling family -- watches the finale of Dynasty, Season 1. She asks Aaron who they got for Alexis. He explains that they haven't gotten anyone yet. Candy tells him that she recently saw someone on Fantasy Island who would be perfect! Her name is Joan Collins. GET OUT!

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Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

by Jessica January 12, 2005
Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure

Cut to "Heather Locklear's" ass. She's wearing daisy dukes and cowboy boots, much like her character, Sammy Jo, would. What you don't find out from this movie, though, is that Heather Locklear? Not a country bumpkin. She went to UCLA and her dad was, like, the chair of some super-brainy department. (I learned this from her True Hollywood Story, and also from a lifetime of loving Amanda Woodward.) Anyway, John Forsythe totally checks out her ass, like, put it away, old man, and Heather wonders where she can find the makeup trailer, and John helpfully directs her, in between all the ogling. Meanwhile, Al Corley reads his script and is annoyed by the fact that they're making him fall in love with a woman. "Who the hell is Sammy Jo?" he asks. I would think this argument would have come up earlier, when they had Steven lose his heterosexual virginity to Claudia Blaisdel up at his father's cabin, like, well before Sammy Jo entered the picture, but blah blah blah time compression. ["Also, no one in his/her right mind would think that La Blaisdel, all milquetoast and plain, would cure a guy of the urge to nail other men. In fact, she'd more likely drive them to it, with that annoying voice and lines like, 'Oh, Steeeeeven. You have a tennnnndernesssss that transceeeeends gender.'" -- Heathen] Sadly, this movie doesn't address Claudia Blaisdel at all, which means that not only are we deprived of reliving the time everyone thought she threw Fallon's baby off the top of a skyscraper, we also don't get to see her burn down La Mirage with her Candles of Hate. ["I saw a pop-up Dynasty marathon once, and it said Claudia was the character of which Esther Shapiro was most proud -- the everywoman slid into the world of millionaires. I'm surprised, ergo, that the movie didn't try to work her in. But then again, this movie's writers probably didn't do 'research,' so much as 'read news articles and make shit up in between.'" -- Heathen]

Esther's office. She's begging Sophia Loren's manager to take a meeting. No go. Whatever are they going to do? What do to? "We shoot the courtroom scene tomorrow," Les sighs. "What are we going to do?" Why, they're going to act out on a woman entering the courtroom in a large veiled hat and big old sunglasses, thus giving them all summer to cast the role -- a workaround that I must admit is rather brilliant.

At home, Candy Spelling -- who is portrayed as slightly chubby with a terrible short haircut, neither of which is accurate from all the photos I've seen of the Spelling family -- watches the finale of Dynasty, Season 1. She asks Aaron who they got for Alexis. He explains that they haven't gotten anyone yet. Candy tells him that she recently saw someone on Fantasy Island who would be perfect! Her name is Joan Collins. GET OUT!

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