MONDO EXTRAS

Elektra

Of course it goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway: big-ass kudos and thanks to all y'all who contributed to the Tubey's Kids Katrina Sucks In A Big Way Fund. You went above and beyond the call, people, and we thank you for it.

Now, technically, Elektra isn't a TV show; although sometimes you wish there were a commercial or two in it just so you could run out to the kitchen and pour another four fingers of fine Jamaican rum into a shaker filled with simple syrup and mint leaves, toss it up and down for a bit, and then add it to an ice-filled glass and top it with a splash of soda, because DAMN does this movie require you to be hammered for premium enjoyment. The night before recapping this fine, fine, FOINE film, I almost had a change of heart and thought about recapping something else. Of course, at the time, I was watching A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story on Lifetime Network for Whiners, so perhaps I can be excused for wanting to recap Meredith Baxter Birney in a bleached bitch hairdo going completely mental on Stephen Collins and his convertible red Corvette. My favorite part about that movie? NEVER ONCE DOES IT SEEM LIKE BETTY IS ANYTHING BUT THE BAD GUY. It's genius, y'all. You hate her from the very first frame and your hatred just grows and grows. Or is that your hatred for Meredith Baxter Birney? Or her hair? I can't tell.

At any rate, I decided to go ahead as planned with Elektra, mostly because it stars Jennifer Garner and I'd wanted to recap it ages ago when it first came out on DVD, but also because the first time I watched it, it was much better than I thought it was going to be. It's not stellar or anything, and there are times when you can actually SEE Goran Visnjic mentally spending his paycheck, but it's still not the extraordinary piece of crap I thought I'd be greeted with.

Joining us for our recap today is the lovely and talented Elektra Barbie doll that someone was kind enough to purchase for me when the movie first came out. My favorite part about this doll is the fact that she seems to be dressed as some sort of gay pirate with a penchant for the color red. "Oh, for lord's sake," snits Elektra Barbie, moving over to perch on my printer, "this is how I was dressed in the damn comic, okay? It's not like I CHOSE to look like this!" "Nice head kerchief, Barbie." "That's ELEKTRA Barbie to you, Slutty Slutterson." "If this keeps up, you're going in the garbage disposal. Don't think I won't do it."

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Elektra

Of course it goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway: big-ass kudos and thanks to all y'all who contributed to the Tubey's Kids Katrina Sucks In A Big Way Fund. You went above and beyond the call, people, and we thank you for it.

Now, technically, Elektra isn't a TV show; although sometimes you wish there were a commercial or two in it just so you could run out to the kitchen and pour another four fingers of fine Jamaican rum into a shaker filled with simple syrup and mint leaves, toss it up and down for a bit, and then add it to an ice-filled glass and top it with a splash of soda, because DAMN does this movie require you to be hammered for premium enjoyment. The night before recapping this fine, fine, FOINE film, I almost had a change of heart and thought about recapping something else. Of course, at the time, I was watching A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story on Lifetime Network for Whiners, so perhaps I can be excused for wanting to recap Meredith Baxter Birney in a bleached bitch hairdo going completely mental on Stephen Collins and his convertible red Corvette. My favorite part about that movie? NEVER ONCE DOES IT SEEM LIKE BETTY IS ANYTHING BUT THE BAD GUY. It's genius, y'all. You hate her from the very first frame and your hatred just grows and grows. Or is that your hatred for Meredith Baxter Birney? Or her hair? I can't tell.

At any rate, I decided to go ahead as planned with Elektra, mostly because it stars Jennifer Garner and I'd wanted to recap it ages ago when it first came out on DVD, but also because the first time I watched it, it was much better than I thought it was going to be. It's not stellar or anything, and there are times when you can actually SEE Goran Visnjic mentally spending his paycheck, but it's still not the extraordinary piece of crap I thought I'd be greeted with.

Joining us for our recap today is the lovely and talented Elektra Barbie doll that someone was kind enough to purchase for me when the movie first came out. My favorite part about this doll is the fact that she seems to be dressed as some sort of gay pirate with a penchant for the color red. "Oh, for lord's sake," snits Elektra Barbie, moving over to perch on my printer, "this is how I was dressed in the damn comic, okay? It's not like I CHOSE to look like this!" "Nice head kerchief, Barbie." "That's ELEKTRA Barbie to you, Slutty Slutterson." "If this keeps up, you're going in the garbage disposal. Don't think I won't do it."

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24Next

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