MONDO EXTRAS

Elektra Erin: Well, DUH. But I was gonna say…rum. Rum is cool.
Elektra Barbie: Mmmmm. Totally. Rum is the best. Do we have any more, by the way? I'm getting kind of bored.
Erin: Mmm-hm. I ordered a case of Jamaica's best, baby. We're set.
Elektra Barbie: Just one case? Better get on the horn and order more, dude. We're only forty minutes into this bad boy.
Erin: Good point. Gimme the phone.

Goran exits to the porch, and as the ninjas prepare to kill him most awesomely, Elektra suddenly shows up and thwarts their attempts. She calls Goran into the house so they can talk. He enters, and out on the porch, Elektra does this killer ballet leap and shoves her Sai into one of the awesome ninjas on the roof. Heh. In stacked-heel boots, nonetheless. She runs into the house as the awesome ninja she just killed erupts into greenish-yellow smoke. Huh. Interesting. Inside the house, Elektra orders Abby to go to her room, then proceeds to grill Goran about his past. "Who are you? Don't lie to me." "What?" "They won't just kill you," she says, "they'll kill Abby." Before Goran can tell her the truth, one of the awesome ninjas shoots a bunch of darts through the window and Elektra shoves Goran out of the way. Chaos ensues.

They run through the house and wind up in a bathroom at the back. Elektra orders Goran to stay with Abby and he's totally all, "Uh, not goin' anywhere, I promise." Elektra turns to deal with the remaining awesome ninja and then has one of her flash-forwards and sees the awesome ninja shooting at her before he actually starts shooting and then he's there and Elektra twists and dives and avoids the darts and they shoot through the bathroom door and smash the glass and we see the scene of Abby screaming from the flash-forward Elektra had earlier. She gets up and faces the awesome ninja. And then they fight. Kicking, punching, wall jump, shooting, fabulous air-dive from Elektra, a Sai is thrown, and wham! The awesome ninja, he is pinned.

Goran and Abby enter the living room as Elektra approaches the awesomely pinned ninja. She pulls down his mask and asks him in Japanese who sent him. He responds in Japanese that she'll soon find out. Then he…breaks his own neck. Dayum. Like the other awesome ninja, this awesome ninja erupts into greenish-yellow smoke. Elektra tells Goran and Abby that there will be more coming, and that what's coming next will be worse.

Conference Room Of Chattering Japanese Men. It says so right in the subtitles, y'all. "[Chattering In Japanese]." I'm not making this shit up. So, a bunch of chattering Japanese men are standing around the conference table, chattering in…um, Japanese. Kirigi enters in slow-mo, followed directly by some big-ass bald dude with a braid coming out the back of his head, some freaky little dude spinning some freaky little thing in his hand, some other dude in a robe, and some hot chick with black hair who looks kind of like a younger version of Catherine Zeta-Jones. The Freak Krew fans out around Kirigi so that he winds up entering the room last. By the way, since we don't learn the character's names until much later in the movie, I'll steal a bit from IMDb and tell you that Big-Ass Braid Man is "Stone," Freaky Little Dude With Spinning Freaky Thing is "Kinkou," Other Dude In Robe is actually a tattooed guy and his name is, erm, "Tattoo," and the Catherine Zeta-Jones Look-Alike is none other than "Typhoid Mary," who's known simply as "Typhoid" in this film.

So, the Japanese dudes are understandably skeeved out by Kirigi and his Krew. Roshi enters and everyone bows to him and they all sit down. Except for Kirigi and his Krew. We get a close-up of Tattoo's face, and I think he's blind, or there's something seriously funked-up with his eyes, but the hawk tattoo on his chest suddenly blinks, so it would appear that he has some special mad skillz with his tattoos. Kirigi addresses the council and states that since they've failed to solve the problem of the Treasure, they should let the Krew try their hand at it. The snotty dude from the beginning of the movie is all, my men are taking care of that! Kirigi's all, your men are dead, dude. Suck it up. "Killed by the female Elektra, the gaijin," says Roshi. Yeah, it was at this point that I finally realized that Elektra wasn't the Treasure. I'm slow. Or drunk. Or both.

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Comments

Elektra Erin: Well, DUH. But I was gonna say…rum. Rum is cool.
Elektra Barbie: Mmmmm. Totally. Rum is the best. Do we have any more, by the way? I'm getting kind of bored.
Erin: Mmm-hm. I ordered a case of Jamaica's best, baby. We're set.
Elektra Barbie: Just one case? Better get on the horn and order more, dude. We're only forty minutes into this bad boy.
Erin: Good point. Gimme the phone.

Goran exits to the porch, and as the ninjas prepare to kill him most awesomely, Elektra suddenly shows up and thwarts their attempts. She calls Goran into the house so they can talk. He enters, and out on the porch, Elektra does this killer ballet leap and shoves her Sai into one of the awesome ninjas on the roof. Heh. In stacked-heel boots, nonetheless. She runs into the house as the awesome ninja she just killed erupts into greenish-yellow smoke. Huh. Interesting. Inside the house, Elektra orders Abby to go to her room, then proceeds to grill Goran about his past. "Who are you? Don't lie to me." "What?" "They won't just kill you," she says, "they'll kill Abby." Before Goran can tell her the truth, one of the awesome ninjas shoots a bunch of darts through the window and Elektra shoves Goran out of the way. Chaos ensues.

They run through the house and wind up in a bathroom at the back. Elektra orders Goran to stay with Abby and he's totally all, "Uh, not goin' anywhere, I promise." Elektra turns to deal with the remaining awesome ninja and then has one of her flash-forwards and sees the awesome ninja shooting at her before he actually starts shooting and then he's there and Elektra twists and dives and avoids the darts and they shoot through the bathroom door and smash the glass and we see the scene of Abby screaming from the flash-forward Elektra had earlier. She gets up and faces the awesome ninja. And then they fight. Kicking, punching, wall jump, shooting, fabulous air-dive from Elektra, a Sai is thrown, and wham! The awesome ninja, he is pinned.

Goran and Abby enter the living room as Elektra approaches the awesomely pinned ninja. She pulls down his mask and asks him in Japanese who sent him. He responds in Japanese that she'll soon find out. Then he…breaks his own neck. Dayum. Like the other awesome ninja, this awesome ninja erupts into greenish-yellow smoke. Elektra tells Goran and Abby that there will be more coming, and that what's coming next will be worse.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next

Comments

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