MONDO EXTRAS

Elektra

Aaaaaand then we're back in the past and Elektra's running to her mother and seeing the demon and then it's an awesome ninja and…then it's Kirigi. No. Really? NO, REALLY? Because I didn't figure that one out about midway through. And I'm drunker than a hoot-owl right now. Whatever. The realization that Kirigi killed her mother only fuels Elektra's rage, which, of course, is the point, because when she gets pissed, she makes mistakes and she's gonna have to calm down here at some point so that she can learn the "The Force Is With You" lesson that Stick's been trying to teach her since about FORTY FUCKING MINUTES AGO.

Elektra goes after Kirigi but the sheets and her flowing mess of hair keep getting in the way. Kirigi just calmly swans around, watching Elektra freak the hell out. Sheets, spinning, lunging, ooof, ouch, more sheets, hair, spinning, lunging, STILL NO REAL ASS-KICKING. Finally, Elektra keeps spinning around until Kirigi just throws himself at her and puts his sword to her neck, saying that there's nothing she can do, so the balance tips to him. "Let her go," shouts Abby from off-screen. Oh, heh. Elektra's ass is getting saved by a TEENAGER. Niiiiiice.

Kirigi turns. "Brave girl. You taught her well." Abby starts whipping around the Magic Gold Necklace of Death as Kirigi moves toward her. Elektra moves to attack him from behind and he turns and some funky shit happens with the air and this sort of force field comes out from around him, flinging Elektra across the room in slo-mo. I have this one on pause, by the way, and it's totally not Garner -- not that you'd expect it to be, considering the fact that she's being slammed down onto a marble floor from mid-air. The sheets fall down around them and one of the sheets covers Elektra, just like it covered her mother, and YEAH, we get it, history is repeating itself, thanks. Kirigi says, "It's time for a new master," as Abby gets up and gets that "I'm a-gonna kick yer ASS" look on her face.

She starts swinging the Magic Gold Necklace of Death again and goes after Kirigi. She attacks him and he easily evades the attack, teasing her with, "Is that what the blind man's been teaching you?" Attack. Evade. Tease. Elektra's slowly waking up. Attack. Evade. Tease. Elektra's coming to. Attack. Ooh! She gets him. Nice! He looks at her in appreciation and suddenly, Elektra springs to life and throws the sheet off of her. She runs toward them, but instead of attacking Kirigi, she runs up the stairs next to him and holds out her hand. Abby gets it and flings the necklace up to Elektra, who grabs it and hauls Abby up behind her as she runs up the stairs.

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Elektra

Oh, goddammit. We have to go check in with Roshi again. Why? Whyeeee? Ass. Kicking. NOW. God. All Roshi's doing is fiddling with his Buddhist prayer beads or whatever. Now? Now can we commence the kicking of the ass? Apparently, we can, because the next scene begins with a shot of the exterior of the Natchios estate. The Dream Clouds of Asseth Kicketh are swooping by, though, so I'm not sure if this is real or not. And I don't care. We get a glimpse of a big garden maze before catching up with Elektra outside the gates of her house. She gets rid of the lock and walks toward the front doors. She unlocks it and before she can put her hand on the handle, it swings open. We flash back to the dead mother scene again, this time with the added bonus of a drifting white sheet floating down on top of her dead body.

Elektra enters and we flash back again and she's a little girl walking through the house as the servants put white sheets over everything. God. ASS-KICKING. We switch between Young Elektra and Adult Elektra both walking through the house like, we GET IT, she's REVISITING HER PAST and FACING OLD DEMONS, like, LITERALLY. Lord. Night finally falls on yonder plot-dragging, and Elektra's sitting in the middle of the hallway, dressed in her killing garb, even though when she entered the house, she was wearing jeans and boots and WHATEVER. Blah. The wind whistles as a dozen or so awesome ninjas approach from the outside. Way to stick to the agreement, KIRIGI. Nothing like agreeing to "you and me" and then launching a full-on awesome ninja attack.

Elektra's ready for it, though. She stands, turns, and removes her black coat with a flourish, revealing her sexy killing outfit. She grabs a candle and moves off. The awesome ninjas crawl all over the outside of the house. Elektra heads into the kitchen and turns the gas on for all of the burners, like, has anyone lived there in forever? Would the gas even be on? God. Don't think, meat, just watch the ass-kicking. Elektra goes to the door and watches as a handful of awesome ninjas crash through the window. She flings the candle into the gas and the awesome ninjas awesomely explode back OUT through the glass. Heh. Outside, Kirigi the Chickenshit watches from a distance. "Clever girl," he sneers. Shut up, Cowardly Custard.

Elektra makes her way through the house and suddenly feels or hears something. She turns and all of the sheets fling up into the air. "We meet again," says Kirigi, standing up on the balcony. He whips out his two swords, and Elektra performs this totally useless but really cool Sai-spinning thing and then points her knives right at him. Kirigi leaps over her and lands behind her. She spins to meet him and the sheets fly all around, making her attack them instead of him. I'm tired of this already. Suddenly, Elektra stops and hears Kirigi's voice in her head: "Now you will remember."

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