MONDO EXTRAS

Elektra

After a lingering shot of Jennifer Garner's well-toned booty, we follow her into the room where Jason's waiting to die. The camera pulls back long enough to show us that Elektra's wearing a modified bodice from the Victoria's Secret Assassins-For-Hire catalogue and a matching pair of leather pants that are seriously hanging off her pelvic bones. Nice armor there, Elektra. Of course, she's this super-assassin who never gets caught or whatever, so I suppose all she has to do is just show up and look hot and kill people, but I still think a little cautionary protection never hurt anyone.

Elektra Barbie: Hey, it's still better than this seven-strips-of-red-silk monstrosity I have to wear 24/7.
Erin: That is rather…revealing, isn't it?
Elektra Barbie: Yeah. You should try doing a roundhouse kick in this getup. I think that half the time, my opponents are too stunned by the site of my crotch to continue fighting.

Elektra's all, "Hi, my name is Elektra, and I'll be your assassin today." And what on earth does she have on her feet? Are those…red leather lace-up boots? I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. Uch. Whatever. Jason's all, "Welcome to my death! Would you like a scotch?" Elektra's all, "No, thanks! I'd rather just get right to the killing!" Jason's all, "Okay, then. But would you mind if I cock this gun in my hand in an attempt to kill you before you kill me, even though I totally know it won't work?" Elektra's all, "Go ahead. But don't worry -- death's not that bad." Jason's all, "Really? Why not?" Suddenly, Elektra's right next to his head. "I died once," she whispers in his ear. Jason's like, AAAAUGH! Get away! But before he can shoot her, Elektra's suddenly back where she was before and she throws her Sai at his chair and blades him right through the back of it. He drops his scotch and the glass shatters. Well, that was…anti-climactic. Elektra walks up and removes the Sai from the chair and wipes the blade on her thigh. Well, that explains the red costume at least. Easy clean-up. I do the same thing with my knives after I've chopped up vegetables for salads. Which is why most of my pants are now unwearable and smell vaguely of cucumbers.

It's time to meet the Hand. Or the Hands. Or whatever. We head off to their headquarters, which seem to be in a large skyscraper with a Japanese roof perched on top which I totally want for my next apartment. Wouldn't that rock? Like the whole building looks like any other…but there's this Japanese temple-like roof on top. And maybe a Buddha. That would be awesome. So, we go inside a large conference room where someone named "Master Roshi" is lecturing some dude named "Kirigi" who's wearing a white robe and sporting a messy ponytail hair-don't. Roshi is baffled that Kirigi hasn't found the Treasure yet. Kirigi thinks they should have started chasing the Treasure much earlier and much more aggressively. And -- "The Treasure"? "The Hand"? Are they serious? Who named this shit, the writers from Alias?

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Elektra

After a lingering shot of Jennifer Garner's well-toned booty, we follow her into the room where Jason's waiting to die. The camera pulls back long enough to show us that Elektra's wearing a modified bodice from the Victoria's Secret Assassins-For-Hire catalogue and a matching pair of leather pants that are seriously hanging off her pelvic bones. Nice armor there, Elektra. Of course, she's this super-assassin who never gets caught or whatever, so I suppose all she has to do is just show up and look hot and kill people, but I still think a little cautionary protection never hurt anyone.

Elektra Barbie: Hey, it's still better than this seven-strips-of-red-silk monstrosity I have to wear 24/7.
Erin: That is rather…revealing, isn't it?
Elektra Barbie: Yeah. You should try doing a roundhouse kick in this getup. I think that half the time, my opponents are too stunned by the site of my crotch to continue fighting.

Elektra's all, "Hi, my name is Elektra, and I'll be your assassin today." And what on earth does she have on her feet? Are those…red leather lace-up boots? I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. Uch. Whatever. Jason's all, "Welcome to my death! Would you like a scotch?" Elektra's all, "No, thanks! I'd rather just get right to the killing!" Jason's all, "Okay, then. But would you mind if I cock this gun in my hand in an attempt to kill you before you kill me, even though I totally know it won't work?" Elektra's all, "Go ahead. But don't worry -- death's not that bad." Jason's all, "Really? Why not?" Suddenly, Elektra's right next to his head. "I died once," she whispers in his ear. Jason's like, AAAAUGH! Get away! But before he can shoot her, Elektra's suddenly back where she was before and she throws her Sai at his chair and blades him right through the back of it. He drops his scotch and the glass shatters. Well, that was…anti-climactic. Elektra walks up and removes the Sai from the chair and wipes the blade on her thigh. Well, that explains the red costume at least. Easy clean-up. I do the same thing with my knives after I've chopped up vegetables for salads. Which is why most of my pants are now unwearable and smell vaguely of cucumbers.

It's time to meet the Hand. Or the Hands. Or whatever. We head off to their headquarters, which seem to be in a large skyscraper with a Japanese roof perched on top which I totally want for my next apartment. Wouldn't that rock? Like the whole building looks like any other…but there's this Japanese temple-like roof on top. And maybe a Buddha. That would be awesome. So, we go inside a large conference room where someone named "Master Roshi" is lecturing some dude named "Kirigi" who's wearing a white robe and sporting a messy ponytail hair-don't. Roshi is baffled that Kirigi hasn't found the Treasure yet. Kirigi thinks they should have started chasing the Treasure much earlier and much more aggressively. And -- "The Treasure"? "The Hand"? Are they serious? Who named this shit, the writers from Alias?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next

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