MONDO EXTRAS

10:12 - Oh Christ on a cracker, Jewel is singing. Zach is in so much trouble for getting the good half.

10:18 - Ahh, it's In Memoriam time. Everyone's secret favorite part. RIP everybody, but mostly, RIP Rue McClanahan.

10:20 - Jewel sounds so bad I'm worried they're trying to kill more people with this song.

10:22 - Ooh, ouch. I'm hearing they left out David Mills? Is that true? How does this happen every year?

10:25 - Adam Mazer just won for writing You Don't Know Jack, a movie that made me cry until I was embarrassed to be seen by my own furniture. Anyway, do you remember that Alias episode where they had to stop someone from using a "mazer"? It was a microwave laser? A mazer? That guy's got an awesome name, is what I'm saying.

10:29 - Claire Danes just won an Emmy for acting in my new favorite movie. I'm even more excited now. (And, ironically, Jordan Catalano was autistic, wasn't he?)

10:34 - Cast of True Blood! Together! In one place! Mocking vampire puns! And presenting... miniseries directing. Way to suck the sex out of the room, Emmys. Wow, that sentence was unintentionally disgusting. I do apologize.

10:40 - Julia Ormond tried her damndest to beat Al Pacino at his own rambling game, but has now officially lost. Nice to know you're still weird, Pacino. And the applause for the real Dr. Death in the audience? Icky, in undefinable ways.

10:50 - Finally! Real awards are back! Selleck and his mustache here to tell us what the best drama series is.

10:51 - It's Mad Men. Oh, you mean that show I missed tonight to find out about who is good at writing miniseries?

10:56 - No, you did not sleep through Best Comedy Series. For whatever reason they shook things up this year and swapped its place with Best Drama. Extremely awesome Ted Danson here to present!

10:56 - And Modern Family beats Curb, 30 Rock, Nurse Jackie, The Office and, most importantly, Glee. Not really a shock here either, and it's certainly deserved since, you know, Glee is not really a comedy.

Overall, that was one of the most tolerable Emmys proceedings ever. Great job, guys! Goodnight!