MONDO EXTRAS

Fathers Suck

by LTG July 5, 2005
Fathers And Sons

Wigford and Junior walk out onto the porch. Wigford is carrying what looks like a construction-paper mobile. Junior is upset because he doesn't want to ride in the wagon. Apparently, in the wagon, he can't ride in the front seat. He insists that they ride in "the fan car," which is apparently what he calls his father's classic car. Wigford gives in, and tells Junior to look out for the poop as they walk to the car. Junior asks where the poop is, and Wigford points it out to him. Junior crouches down to inspect it more closely as Wigford loads the mobile into the car. Wigford tells him to leave it alone, because it's just poop and it's not important. Junior indignantly tells him that poop is important: "Miss Bean says that poop makes the flowers grow!" Wigford slams the car door shut, strides over to Junior, and starts counting to three as Junior sullenly stares up at him. After counting to two and some fractions, Wigford yells at Junior: "Get in the goddamn car!" Junior slowly stands up, sticks his chin in the air, and tells Wigford, in a very quiet voice, "You don't know anything about poop."

Junior, dressed in his pajama bottoms and what looks to be a football helmet, walks out onto the porch holding a cup of coffee. Grandpa Wigford is there, wearing his straw hat and his old-man beige clothes. Junior hands him the cup of coffee, and Grandpa asks him, "How 'bout my medicine?" Junior walks back into the house and then walks out again, holding a bottle of whiskey. As Grandpa pours some into his coffee, Junior asks him if the horses are running: "My dad says you only come when the horses are running." Grandpa doesn't seem particularly upset that his son is trash-talking him to his grandson. At that moment, Wigford walks out the door carrying a desiccated Christmas tree. Junior chases after him, asking, "What are you doing with Phil?" Wigford tells him that he's putting the tree out for the garbage man, and Junior wants to know what the garbage man wants with Phil. Junior wants to know why they can't keep Phil, and his father tells him, "His Christmas tree friends miss him." Junior points out that the Wigfords are Phil's friends, and Wigford moves on to another lie, telling Junior that Phil's mother and father miss him. Junior blocks the gate out of the yard and tells Wigford, "I'm not going to let you take him!" Wigford threatens to ground him (which hardly seems like an effective threat to make against a four-year-old), and Junior runs into the house to get his mother. Wigford dumps the tree in the street. Yes, that's right -- in the street, where it will prevent people from parking and maybe scratch some cars, instead of on the sidewalk. This guy really is a jerk. As Wigford walks back up the house, his father (who has a Racing Form in his shirt pocket) asks him, "What are you? Stupid? You gotta dump those things after the kid goes to sleep." Wigford just looks at him. Junior fetches Mrs. Wigford (who's in some fetching '70s wooden clogs), who asks what's going on. When she hears that Junior wants to keep Phil, she crouches down next to Junior and tells him that they can't keep Phil because "Phil's dead." Junior seems to accept this, and then walks down to the street to say goodbye to Phil. Mrs. Wigford clomps along after him, giving Wigford a dirty look along the way. Grandpa walks up behind Wigford and just says, "Stupid."

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Fathers Suck

by LTG July 5, 2005
Fathers And Sons

Wigford and Junior walk out onto the porch. Wigford is carrying what looks like a construction-paper mobile. Junior is upset because he doesn't want to ride in the wagon. Apparently, in the wagon, he can't ride in the front seat. He insists that they ride in "the fan car," which is apparently what he calls his father's classic car. Wigford gives in, and tells Junior to look out for the poop as they walk to the car. Junior asks where the poop is, and Wigford points it out to him. Junior crouches down to inspect it more closely as Wigford loads the mobile into the car. Wigford tells him to leave it alone, because it's just poop and it's not important. Junior indignantly tells him that poop is important: "Miss Bean says that poop makes the flowers grow!" Wigford slams the car door shut, strides over to Junior, and starts counting to three as Junior sullenly stares up at him. After counting to two and some fractions, Wigford yells at Junior: "Get in the goddamn car!" Junior slowly stands up, sticks his chin in the air, and tells Wigford, in a very quiet voice, "You don't know anything about poop."

Junior, dressed in his pajama bottoms and what looks to be a football helmet, walks out onto the porch holding a cup of coffee. Grandpa Wigford is there, wearing his straw hat and his old-man beige clothes. Junior hands him the cup of coffee, and Grandpa asks him, "How 'bout my medicine?" Junior walks back into the house and then walks out again, holding a bottle of whiskey. As Grandpa pours some into his coffee, Junior asks him if the horses are running: "My dad says you only come when the horses are running." Grandpa doesn't seem particularly upset that his son is trash-talking him to his grandson. At that moment, Wigford walks out the door carrying a desiccated Christmas tree. Junior chases after him, asking, "What are you doing with Phil?" Wigford tells him that he's putting the tree out for the garbage man, and Junior wants to know what the garbage man wants with Phil. Junior wants to know why they can't keep Phil, and his father tells him, "His Christmas tree friends miss him." Junior points out that the Wigfords are Phil's friends, and Wigford moves on to another lie, telling Junior that Phil's mother and father miss him. Junior blocks the gate out of the yard and tells Wigford, "I'm not going to let you take him!" Wigford threatens to ground him (which hardly seems like an effective threat to make against a four-year-old), and Junior runs into the house to get his mother. Wigford dumps the tree in the street. Yes, that's right -- in the street, where it will prevent people from parking and maybe scratch some cars, instead of on the sidewalk. This guy really is a jerk. As Wigford walks back up the house, his father (who has a Racing Form in his shirt pocket) asks him, "What are you? Stupid? You gotta dump those things after the kid goes to sleep." Wigford just looks at him. Junior fetches Mrs. Wigford (who's in some fetching '70s wooden clogs), who asks what's going on. When she hears that Junior wants to keep Phil, she crouches down next to Junior and tells him that they can't keep Phil because "Phil's dead." Junior seems to accept this, and then walks down to the street to say goodbye to Phil. Mrs. Wigford clomps along after him, giving Wigford a dirty look along the way. Grandpa walks up behind Wigford and just says, "Stupid."

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