MONDO EXTRAS

Fathers Suck

by LTG July 5, 2005
Fathers And Sons

Nighttime. Wigford and the missus are having an argument. On the porch, as one does. She wants to get Junior a dog for his birthday, but Wigford thinks that he will end up having to take care of it. She promises to walk it, but he points out that after they got their last dog, she walked it for a while and then he ended up walking it for the next ten years. So these two were together for at least ten years before having Junior? It is revealed that Wigford works from home and that he is Junior's primary caregiver, which is why he doesn't want another thing to have to take care of. Mrs. Wigford hasn't beaten her wind chime addiction -- there are about a dozen hanging up on the porch. Maybe she's fixated on wind chimes because there aren't any interior walls for her to decorate. Wigford gets all teary, complaining that he barely has enough time for Junior (whose real name is Nick, but it's too late for that now) as it is. He sits down on the steps and complains that Junior is growing distant. Wigford thinks that he is turning into his own father, but Mrs. Wigford reassures him that Junior is just eight years old, and that Wigford has time. That was some nice crying from Bradley Whitford, by the way.

Junior and his new puppy walk out onto the porch, followed by Wigford. The puppy is on a leash, but Junior carries him down the stairs and into the grass. Junior and Wigford end up standing on opposite sides of the Sidewalk of Symbolic Separation. Junior says that he thought boy dogs were supposed to lift their legs to pee, and Wigford tells him that the dog will do that in time. Unless he's one of those deviant boy dogs. When Junior asks how the dog is supposed to learn, Wigford tells him that he'll learn from watching other boy dogs. Junior is a fairly stupid eight-year-old, because he seems to accept this. He asks when the dog will start to lift his leg and, when Wigford tells him that it will happen soon, insists on a precise estimate of when it will happen. Wigford tells him six weeks. After a little more back and forth on this, Junior asks, "Are you making this up?" Wigford loses any opportunity to gain his son's trust when he insists that he is not making it up. Junior just looks at him and says, "I'll ask Mom." He calls the puppy "Mister" as the two of them walk away.

Exterior of the house, at night. The phone rings, and Wigford answers. It's something about his father.

Junior, dressed in a suit, walks out onto the porch. Wigford, also dressed in a suit, is sitting at the bottom of the stairs. Junior tells Wigford that his shoes are too tight, and Wigford offers to stretch them out for him. Wigford mutters about how fast Junior is growing as he manhandles the shoes. Junior asks him how long Grandpa was sick, and why Wigford never told him Grandpa was dying. Wigford tries to ignore the question by shoving a shoe onto Junior's foot, but the little scamp will not be denied. Wigford tells Junior that Grandpa was sick for a long time, and then lies again when he says that he never told Junior because he thought Grandpa might get better. Junior wants to know that Wigford would tell Junior if Wigford were sick. Wigford says that he would, but I think he's lying again. As Wigford continues to wrestle with the shoes, Junior starts crying. Wigford asks him what's wrong. Um, his grandfather just died? But Junior tells him that he's actually sorry that he keeps on growing.

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Fathers Suck

by LTG July 5, 2005
Fathers And Sons

Nighttime. Wigford and the missus are having an argument. On the porch, as one does. She wants to get Junior a dog for his birthday, but Wigford thinks that he will end up having to take care of it. She promises to walk it, but he points out that after they got their last dog, she walked it for a while and then he ended up walking it for the next ten years. So these two were together for at least ten years before having Junior? It is revealed that Wigford works from home and that he is Junior's primary caregiver, which is why he doesn't want another thing to have to take care of. Mrs. Wigford hasn't beaten her wind chime addiction -- there are about a dozen hanging up on the porch. Maybe she's fixated on wind chimes because there aren't any interior walls for her to decorate. Wigford gets all teary, complaining that he barely has enough time for Junior (whose real name is Nick, but it's too late for that now) as it is. He sits down on the steps and complains that Junior is growing distant. Wigford thinks that he is turning into his own father, but Mrs. Wigford reassures him that Junior is just eight years old, and that Wigford has time. That was some nice crying from Bradley Whitford, by the way.

Junior and his new puppy walk out onto the porch, followed by Wigford. The puppy is on a leash, but Junior carries him down the stairs and into the grass. Junior and Wigford end up standing on opposite sides of the Sidewalk of Symbolic Separation. Junior says that he thought boy dogs were supposed to lift their legs to pee, and Wigford tells him that the dog will do that in time. Unless he's one of those deviant boy dogs. When Junior asks how the dog is supposed to learn, Wigford tells him that he'll learn from watching other boy dogs. Junior is a fairly stupid eight-year-old, because he seems to accept this. He asks when the dog will start to lift his leg and, when Wigford tells him that it will happen soon, insists on a precise estimate of when it will happen. Wigford tells him six weeks. After a little more back and forth on this, Junior asks, "Are you making this up?" Wigford loses any opportunity to gain his son's trust when he insists that he is not making it up. Junior just looks at him and says, "I'll ask Mom." He calls the puppy "Mister" as the two of them walk away.

Exterior of the house, at night. The phone rings, and Wigford answers. It's something about his father.

Junior, dressed in a suit, walks out onto the porch. Wigford, also dressed in a suit, is sitting at the bottom of the stairs. Junior tells Wigford that his shoes are too tight, and Wigford offers to stretch them out for him. Wigford mutters about how fast Junior is growing as he manhandles the shoes. Junior asks him how long Grandpa was sick, and why Wigford never told him Grandpa was dying. Wigford tries to ignore the question by shoving a shoe onto Junior's foot, but the little scamp will not be denied. Wigford tells Junior that Grandpa was sick for a long time, and then lies again when he says that he never told Junior because he thought Grandpa might get better. Junior wants to know that Wigford would tell Junior if Wigford were sick. Wigford says that he would, but I think he's lying again. As Wigford continues to wrestle with the shoes, Junior starts crying. Wigford asks him what's wrong. Um, his grandfather just died? But Junior tells him that he's actually sorry that he keeps on growing.

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