MONDO EXTRAS

Gimme Shelter

by Jacob Clifton May 24, 2004
Helter Skelter

We're now at the new HQ, the Barker Ranch in Death Valley, more than five seconds before the cops bust in again. Same situation, people grinning weirdly and not really getting the point of the arrests, which are this time for arson. Kitty, the Pregnant Glutton for Punishment, fully hands herself over to the cops this time, and spills her guts, even unto the hair-pulling guy Sadie stabbed. Meanwhile, Sadie is hilariously chowing down on some fried chicken and very matter-of-factly describing how blond guy from the beginning "was going through some changes about losing his ear, and then Bobby stabbed him. He didn't want to die, though. That's for sure. We were on our way out and we heard him, all gurgling and moaning, so Bobby went back in and stabbed him again, until he died." The cops decide to book her on suspicion of blond guy's murder, and she just smiles joyfully: "Far out." Fresh Meat retrieves her kid from Social Services. I'm "going through some changes" about being bored. The cops, in private, start putting it all together. Charles Manson plays dumb and awesome and charms the cops a little with his legendary charisma, which takes his happiness to the next level when he punks them out for even thinking he would roll over on his cult friends. Fresh Meat's mother -- who is the lady, I thought, from L.A. Law, that was the token unattractive one and beat up that lady that time -- is really happy to see Tanya. Her daughter, not so much, especially since she still looks like a total cult-member.

THEN: THE BEST THING EVER. Sadie and the woman on the next bunk over are enjoying an after-hours cigarette, and all wide-eyed with glee and pride Sadie starts talking about how the cops didn't know what they were doing at all, because she was being held on completely the wrong murder, because they had no idea she was involved in the Sharon Tate murders, or how she killed the Polish guy with the French accent, or how she stabbed Sharon Tate and thought about cutting her baby out of her, and that's a long story, but they've already killed eleven people and there's going to be a lot more and the Manson Family is going to travel from small town to small town killing people, and it's going to be just unbelievable amounts of fun and how she licked blood off her own hand: Wow, what a trip. Has Bunkmate Lady ever tasted blood? No. She puts her cigarette out because she is done chatting for the evening.

I don't know that I can tell you how awesome this part was, except if you, like the actor, pretend that whole speech was about baked goods: Oh, they have no idea Sadie was involved in the Young Republicans bake sale, or how she improved on the recipe for Ginny's famous Nat King Cole Cake, or how once she made this meringue that was just to die for and she thought about serving it with a chocolate mousse but it's kind of lemony and so it's a long story but they've already held eleven fundraisers and there's going to be a lot more and eventually they're going to travel from small town to small town selling their baked goods and reading from the Bible and it's going to be just unbelievable amounts of fun and how she licked mascarpone off her own hand: Wow, what a trip. Has Bunkmate Lady ever tasted mascarpone? No. Imagine it said very quickly without blinking, and substitute murder words for the cooking and baking words above. The bunkmate lady did not know into what she was getting.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29Next

Comments

Gimme Shelter

by Jacob Clifton May 24, 2004
Helter Skelter Charles Manson continues with his "fear" lecture and there are word noises about how you have to love fear and fear is all that matters; tomorrow it'll be "bacon and tomato sandwiches, they're all that matters." Fresh Meat wonders if love holds a significant position in this universe he's inventing for us, and then drops the bomb that she's pregnant and has no idea who the father is: Sign #5 that you are in a cult. He gets all jumpy and yes and that's wonderful. He says that "No sense makes sense" crap about a hundred times. She cries on his shoulder. Later, it's morning somewhere and there's a lot of cars and all those cops from before. The daughter/stripper or whatever is outside the Boring house crying. The cops identify the bodies, and the pattern: There's more blood talk on the walls and everything, including "Healter [sic] Skelter" on the refrigerator. Meanwhile, the pregnant girl who got smacked around just like she wanted by Charles Manson walks in on Fresh Meat packing to leave. Fresh Meat suggests that she leave as well, before her baby is born. They both agree that Charles Manson is not, in fact, Jesus. ("As in Christ?") Pregnant Nosebleed is like, "I have to tell him, you know," and because she's cult-susceptible, Fresh Meat understands the compulsion to tell Charles Manson that Fresh Meat is taking off in the early morning. "I know," emotes Fresh Meat, "but couldn't you just wait until we're gone? Just a few hours?" Pregnant Wig-Fur is like, "I think I can do that." On to Level Two: The Creche. One of those hippie girls I never got a handle on -- maybe the who whisked Fresh Meat's child out of her arms in the beginning of the episode? -- is like, "What's up, lady?" And Fresh Meat again attempts to be cool and collected, saying she just wanted some alone time with Tanya. "You strung out or what?" asks Creche Crazy. Fresh Meat responds in the affirmative, and she's so right to do so. Kind of meanly and kind of craftily and kind of "I know what you're up to"-ily, Lady Madonna is all, "Then you probably shouldn't spend time with your daughter. And Charlie doesn't like that anyway." Which I can see not just from a cult control point of view, but also due to the whole noise-word cluster having to do with the ego being put into the kids or whatever. Then she is kind of mean and harsh and pretty much commands Fresh Meat to fuck off, which Fresh Meat totally does, taking her little knapsack off into the world outside.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP