Inside an Airstream trailer in New Hampshire, Fresh Meat weeps. The rain on the window makes that part impossible to understand, because she's either hanging out with Squeaky -- which would not make me cry at all -- or she's hanging out with that lady from L.A. Law who is her mom, and crying because she's a wanted woman. For the first time in her whole life. Ungrateful.
All of a sudden there's a viewer warning, for the first time yet, so I guess the next part is going to be flashbacks to fill in the parts we already saw, that we don't really need. We're about two hours in, so I wonder if they had to chop it up this badly so they could move all the really grody stuff to the 10 o'clock time slot. That would be funny, if they were like, "Yeah, actually it made sense at one time, but then we had to shuffle it all around and put it in a Cuisinart but that was okay, because this was a story that needed to be told. All because of Janet Jackson's right boob."
Yay! Sadie! Here's what Sadie is like: she's totally gorgeous, and I think she's the Drusilla person from the blond guy's house, but again: the close-ups back there keep me from making absolutely sure. She looks kind of like Kit DeLuca, but she walks like Rayanne Graff, kind of stumbly and lurchy and all-over-the-place and cool. She thinks everything is so damn funny, and she never blinks. She says everything in this breathy, disingenuous way, even though most of what she says is creepy in the extreme. I don't think she wears shoes.
So they bring Sadie in to see the DA (Vincent Bugliosi, who wrote the book Helter Skelter that this whole movie is of course based on). I wonder what I would think about all these people if I had been alive back then. I would probably have a favorite one, instead of just automatically assuming Squeaky is the cool one. I would have known who Vincent Bugliosi was, and Sadie, and Katie, and Kitty, and all that, and due to the extreme historical realityness of this movie, I would have been able to figure out who was who right away based on small details. Let me apologize right now to anybody who finds my lack of historical knowledge or interest insulting or distracting, but it occurred to me that that really isn't my aim here, because history has taught me that knowledge of the source material in writing recaps is only ever a hindrance, because it only leads you to an angry place. So I'm just going to take what I can from this awful movie, assume it's the truth, and live my life that way from now on. Chief among these new historical facts filed in my brain is that Sadie is the awesome-est, and Charles Manson was way better looking once than he is now.
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We're now at the new HQ, the Barker Ranch in Death Valley, more than five seconds before the cops bust in again. Same situation, people grinning weirdly and not really getting the point of the arrests, which are this time for arson. Kitty, the Pregnant Glutton for Punishment, fully hands herself over to the cops this time, and spills her guts, even unto the hair-pulling guy Sadie stabbed. Meanwhile, Sadie is hilariously chowing down on some fried chicken and very matter-of-factly describing how blond guy from the beginning "was going through some changes about losing his ear, and then Bobby stabbed him. He didn't want to die, though. That's for sure. We were on our way out and we heard him, all gurgling and moaning, so Bobby went back in and stabbed him again, until he died." The cops decide to book her on suspicion of blond guy's murder, and she just smiles joyfully: "Far out." Fresh Meat retrieves her kid from Social Services. I'm "going through some changes" about being bored. The cops, in private, start putting it all together. Charles Manson plays dumb and awesome and charms the cops a little with his legendary charisma, which takes his happiness to the next level when he punks them out for even thinking he would roll over on his cult friends. Fresh Meat's mother -- who is the lady, I thought, from L.A. Law
, that was the token unattractive one and beat up that lady that time -- is really happy to see Tanya. Her daughter, not so much, especially since she still looks like a total cult-member.
THEN: THE BEST THING EVER. Sadie and the woman on the next bunk over are enjoying an after-hours cigarette, and all wide-eyed with glee and pride Sadie starts talking about how the cops didn't know what they were doing at all, because she was being held on completely the wrong murder, because they had no idea she was involved in the Sharon Tate murders, or how she killed the Polish guy with the French accent, or how she stabbed Sharon Tate and thought about cutting her baby out of her, and that's a long story, but they've already killed eleven people and there's going to be a lot more and the Manson Family is going to travel from small town to small town killing people, and it's going to be just unbelievable amounts of fun and how she licked blood off her own hand: Wow, what a trip. Has Bunkmate Lady ever tasted blood? No. She puts her cigarette out because she is done
chatting for the evening.
I don't know that I can tell you how awesome this part was, except if you, like the actor, pretend that whole speech was about baked goods: Oh, they have no idea Sadie was involved in the Young Republicans bake sale, or how she improved on the recipe for Ginny's famous Nat King Cole Cake, or how once she made this meringue that was just to die for and she thought about serving it with a chocolate mousse but it's kind of lemony and so it's a long story but they've already held eleven fundraisers and there's going to be a lot more and eventually they're going to travel from small town to small town selling their baked goods and reading from the Bible and it's going to be just unbelievable amounts of fun and how she licked mascarpone off her own hand: Wow, what a trip. Has Bunkmate Lady ever tasted mascarpone? No.
Imagine it said very quickly without blinking, and substitute murder words for the cooking and baking words above. The bunkmate lady did not know into what she was getting.
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