"And then they bring in a thing with a perforated colon..." "A human being?" "Yes, with a perforated colon. And the thing that has been pregnant for forty-seven years and never does anything..." "Sherry Stringfield?" "That is the thing I mean, yes. She was still pregnant, and then she fought with the round red-headed thing some more about something silly and it was like that episode of Things where the pregnant thing that's with Tyler Durden fought with the flaky blonde thing that only ever acts like one thing in every movie."
I feel WHOMPs coming...there they are. Katie and Leslie, who I can't positively say I've seen before, although I remember there were three women there counting Sadie, throw Mrs. Boring on the bed. WHOMP: Tex rips open Mr. Boring's shirt in a very Oz way. WHOMP: The ladies clonk Mrs. Boring on the head for awhile with a big heavy lamp. WHOMP: Tex manhandles Mr. Boring's exposed abdomen and chest in a very Oz way. WHOMP: Everybody falls off the bed. WHOMP: Tex comes in to see what the trouble is and helps pick everybody up off the floor. WHOMP: Mr. Boring bleeds on the living room floor. The Mansons soak up some of his blood and decide not to get too creative, writing more nonsense phrases ending in the word "Pig" on the walls. Creepy shower with all three of them under the faucet, singing. That negative effect which seems to signify that a multiple homicide has just taken place. Why have a special effect just for that? Especially if we've just seen the murders themselves? After their shower, the three of them feed the dogs and make some snacks for themselves. They're so hungry after all that stabbing and cutting and choking and bludgeoning, the poor dears. Tex is carrying what looks like a bag of blood, but I think is their bloody clothes, as they leave.
Sadie explains that Helter Skelter is "the last war on the face of the earth...all the wars that have ever been fought, built one on top of the other. Something no man can conceive of in his imagination." You must admit that Charles Manson has an ear for rhetoric when he's not phoning it in with shit like "No sense makes sense." Sadie yawns like an adorable kitty cat as Bugsy relates that Mr. Boring has some number of stab wounds and Mrs. Boring had some other number of stab wounds. She smiles beatifically at Bugsy, and even he is a little creeped out.
Bugsy tells the reporters that the following indictments have resulted from the Grand Jury: Charlie, Tex, Katie, Sadie, and Fresh Meat get seven murder "beefs" and one conspiracy to commit murder "beefs" each. Leslie Van Houten, in recognition of the fact that she isn't memorable and wasn't at the Tate house, gets two murder "beefs" and one conspiracy to commit "beef." Some girl who looks a little like Natasha Gregson Wagner -- is this Leslie? It might be Katie. Who cares? Where's Sadie? -- meets her dad through that jail glass. I like how each of them has a separate but equal madness: when they were all in one Movie Ranch together they all acted the same, but now that the system has divided the Family, each is weird in their own way. I love Sadie, but I think it would get boring if they all acted like her, plus none of them would get away with it like her. This lady is very stare-y, and seems kind of pissy in that schizophrenic way where maybe she's just being really intense but coming off bitchy. She makes her dad cry with her disinterest and lack of moral self-critique. She and I roll our eyes as he wonders aloud whether he demonstrated enough love for her, and where did he go wrong, and blah blah blah. It's not about you, Dad. It's about my boyfriend Jesus (as in Christ), and it's about race riots, and making sure the dogs get fed. Your parents must have put some kind of ego in you, boy. Yikes.
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At the Grand Jury, she's wearing this weird Shirley Temple dress with a high satin-ribbon waist and puffy sleeves. Bugsy shows her a picture of the random car that drove up right before the Tate massacre, with the bad actor in it that Tex shot. He shows her the dead bad actor and asks if that's the car and the person. She's very agreeable and almost human as she agrees that the car "looks similar" to the one that night, and that the bad actor "is the thing I saw in the car." Everyone in the courtroom gasps murmurs. This is my best friend Anna's favorite part of the whole movie. Bugsy: "When you say thing
, you are referring to a human being?" Sadie: "Yes, human being," but she says it like she's not really conversant with the term, like "Planet Houston" in Superman II
, or Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element
, or Milla Jovovich on any given day. Bugsy drops it. Flashback to Sadie and Katie walking into the house with Tex, and what happened next. Goddammit, I honestly thought we weren't going to go here. Ah well. This'll probably be the funniest part.
Voytek of uncertain nationality wakes up on the couch and smiles at Tex, and Tex aims a gun at his Franco-Polish-Whatever head while the girls walk around the house smiling and waving at the people there. I guess artsy movie types don't really question other random hippies walking around the house peeking into bedrooms in the middle of the night. Even if, as Polanski said, they weren't doing drugs or having orgies, it still seems a bit strange. Like, there's this lady reading in bed, and one of the cult girls approaches the door and smiles, and they wave at each other. "Hey, what's up? How's it going?" "Oh, you know, just wandering this house trying to decide who I'm going to kill." "Sounds tough. Good luck with that, beautiful." "I'll be back later." "Okay, cool."
Tex tells the girls to retrieve the rest of the people and bring them to the living room. Bed-Reading lady is like, totally not into it. I think her feelings are hurt now that her new friend has come back to the room with a knife and instructions. Jay's a little less adorable now as he, full of fear, helps Sharon into the living room. Wait, Jay (ex guy) was in the house? Who was the pool house guy that was left alive with a small dog the next morning? Did I make up that scene? Why does everyone in this movie look the same as everyone else? Did I suddenly catch that "my wife is a hat" disease?
Jay doesn't want pregnant Sharon to have to lie on her stomach on the floor, as Tex has suggested, and suggests some compromises. Tex decides to shoot Jay in the chest. Since he's the only person we've seen with a personality at all, simple as it may be ("I love Sharon Tate"), I'm a bit sad. There's screaming. More of that WHOMPing interstitial blackness, so that cuts the grue a bit. Closed Cap calls it "pulsing soundtrack," which sounds like the name of a ring tone that might come with your phone. WHOMP: Somebody's hands getting tied together with a dishtowel, even though Tex totally has a grip of rope. WHOMP: Tex puts the rope around Bed-Ready Lady's neck and she can barely handle it. WHOMP: Tex somehow makes a gibbet in the living room. WHOMP: Sharon with the rope around her neck. WHOMP: Something I don't understand, somebody falling over. Tex shoots somebody through the leg. Tex walks off a charlie hor-- er, a muscle cramp. Tex does something to Bed-Reading Lady, I can't tell what. Sharon watches somebody fall over. One of the cult ladies chases one of the movie ladies through the house with a knife. All you can hear is the WHOMPing, so the knife doesn't make the knife noise. WHOMP. The other cult lady gleefully yanks Sharon around by the neck-rope. Voytek bleeds prodigiously in the front yard and that stupid damn negative thing happens, so it's like a film basics shit sandwich with the negative stuff mid-WHOMP.
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