MONDO EXTRAS

Gimme Shelter

by Jacob Clifton May 24, 2004
Helter Skelter

On the drive back to the Movie Ranch, Charles Manson starts describing his Helter Skelter plan. For those of us who are unfamiliar, he gives us the basics: for no good reason, Charles Manson would like everything to go bugfuck. He wants to accomplish this by framing black people for criminal activities so intensely that there will be a spontaneous uprising and the black people will kill the white people, and I guess vice versa. After that, I don't know. He'll take the robot parts and the human parts and the demon parts and stitch them all together and create an army to kill the Slayer. Maybe he'll just automatically be in charge at that point. The Manson Family goes to "the desert" at some point during all of this. That wouldn't be "the desert" near "South America," would it? Please don't ask me to explain it rationally. He's crazy: he's Charles Manson.

It's another sunny day gone sour at the Movie Ranch. Not only did Bobby get arrested in blond guy's car, but some dude, who is not Dennis but has arrived wearing his wig-fur "hair," points out that none of the "record-type guys," as Charles Manson says again, seem to be coming. The Manson family decides to get proactive, which for them means going to a house where Terry Melcher was once seen, and winging it from there. In that house where Melcher once lived, Sharon Tate hangs with some of her famous artsy friends, talking about Roman and her ex Jay, and they're all drinking wine, but not Sharon, because she's pregnant. There's a knock at the door, and Sharon says, "It must be Roman's trunks." I guess it must be, then. Somehow I think it's not the first time she's heard those knocking at her door. One of the artsy friends answers, and sees Charles Manson -- who has really terrible posture -- staring weirdly at him while pretending not to see him. Again, I'm so sure, Charles Manson. Artsy friend -- I'm sure it would take five seconds on Google to figure out who this is, but I don't have the energy, he has a French accent -- explains that Melcher doesn't live there anymore. So of course Charles Manson starts screaming, "Terry! Teeeerrrrry!" Sharon comes to the door, which artsy friend realizes should be closed now, and she and Charles Manson lock eyes as the door closes.

Continuing her induction into the glamorous world of the Manson Family, Fresh Meat and some cult girl -- Sadie -- dig through huge trash bins looking for -- what? Just anything. French fries. Lettuce. Sadie explains a little more about Helter Skelter, including that the women don't really get to hear much about it. She explains that she met Charles Manson in the Haight in San Francisco, where she was dancing (history tells us that she was often found dancing at Church of Satan events run by the founder of said Church, Anton LeVay -- so yeah, she's good people), and he sang a song to her. Instead of recoiling from all this crap and actual garbage they've got her wading in, Fresh Meat merely smiles creepily and says she'd love to hear Charlie sing. "You're in love with him already," Sadie posits airily. "Aren't you?" asks Fresh Meat, understandably. Not so understandable, however, is Sadie's response: "Charlie is love. I once saw him pick up a dead bird and breathe on it? And the bird flew away." I'm so sure, Charles Manson. Sadie cults around for a while (we're still in the dumpsters, by the way, looking for stuff) and then offhandedly remarks, "Did you know he's Jesus?" (Sign #4 that you are in a cult, and this is a big one, so pay attention.) Even Fresh Meat gives a little of the old WTF to that one.

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Gimme Shelter

by Jacob Clifton May 24, 2004
Helter Skelter Bobby, the cult member from blond guy's house, gets pulled over by a fairly doughy cop for "driving a dead guy's car." Meanwhile, Fresh Meat has fulfilled her first stealing assignment, and hands Charles Manson $5000 that she stole from her husband's friend. He approves, and all the cult members start whooping and yipping. His hands are waving in the air, he's the maestro to their mob mentality, as they sing-song that it wasn't actually stealing because "Everything belongs to everybody." I love lame cult catch-phrases, don't you? I also love lame cult sing-song voices. It really gives that cult-like edge to things when you say everything that way. He kisses her and everybody yelps some more and there is some "Woo!" These people. Then all the identical hippies gather around Fresh Meat and I guess they...yeah, there's another orgy. A cult chick who's not unlike Angela Bettis in May or River Tam from Firefly wakes Fresh Meat up in the pile of bodies to go on a joyride with Charles Manson. They are all wearing black outfits, so you know it's Top Secret. There's some amazingly anachronistic Marc Snow music playing as they let themselves into a big house and then for some reason all start crawling around the house on their hands and knees. That's sneakier, I guess. The Manson Family calls this type of action a Creepy-Crawler. Purpose unknown. Seriously, though, the music. I don't want to get into a whole thing, but I do want to say that it's ridiculous. This is the first time it's been so aggro, but right now there are digitally-modulated electric guitars and some jungle beats happening, okay? It's like watching Alias, just without the people ever bathing. So they move the furniture around in this house, and make the paintings on the walls hang wrong, and put chairs on top of tables, and I don't get it. And then they go into the bedroom and steal some things and with the music and the fast cutaway editing it's very much like a whole different movie for a bit. On the drive back to the Movie Ranch, Charles Manson starts describing his Helter Skelter plan. For those of us who are unfamiliar, he gives us the basics: for no good reason, Charles Manson would like everything to go bugfuck. He wants to accomplish this by framing black people for criminal activities so intensely that there will be a spontaneous uprising and the black people will kill the white people, and I guess vice versa. After that, I don't know. He'll take the robot parts and the human parts and the demon parts and stitch them all together and create an army to kill the Slayer. Maybe he'll just automatically be in charge at that point. The Manson Family goes to "the desert" at some point during all of this. That wouldn't be "the desert" near "South America," would it? Please don't ask me to explain it rationally. He's crazy: he's Charles Manson.

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