MONDO EXTRAS

Crip-Crapra: Crapmen

by Pamie May 15, 2001
Hip Hopera: Carmen

Mos Def -- only armed with one gun because he's a dirty cop who deals drugs -- then starts running up the catwalk. Hill follows him. Scaffolding chase! My heart is all a-pumping! Mos Def points his gun at Hill again. He shoots. No bullets again. How many times do they think we'll fall for that? Hill rushes Mos Def and they struggle.

Blaze raps underneath them.

More punching. They fight just above the crowd. Hill holds Mos Def just over the audience. Mos Def says that Beyoncé is dead. Hill throws Mos Def over the scaffolding. He falls onto the stage and dies. Everyone screams, the music stops, the stage clears, and suddenly someone is on the microphone announcing that everyone should clear the stage. Beyoncé's girls recognize Mos Def. Someone calls Security backstage. Commotion. The closed captioning says that Blaze is still rapping, but I don't hear it. The cops yell for Hill to get on his knees with his hands up. How many crimes in a single movie are we supposed to forgive? Hill lowers himself to his knees in slow-motion. He puts his hands over his head. A news reporter voice-overs that evening's story on this event as we split-screen Hill waiting for his arrest and Beyoncé smiling in a flashback.

Cut back to Da Brat, who is shaking her head like she called all this shit back in the beginning. "Who'll take the responsibility when the guns go off?" she asks. Uh...wha? She asks if Beyoncé ever loved Hill or if she was just playing him. Da Brat says that it doesn't matter anyway, since Beyoncé is now dead. "Carmen Brown. There will never be another," Da Brat says, as she lowers Beyoncé's rose to the pavement. I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Oh, thank God."

And that's Hip-Hopera, folks. Don't try to pass your Music Appreciation exam with this. This ain't Carmen, people.

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Crip-Crapra: Crapmen

by Pamie May 15, 2001
Hip Hopera: Carmen Mos Def -- only armed with one gun because he's a dirty cop who deals drugs -- then starts running up the catwalk. Hill follows him. Scaffolding chase! My heart is all a-pumping! Mos Def points his gun at Hill again. He shoots. No bullets again. How many times do they think we'll fall for that? Hill rushes Mos Def and they struggle. Blaze raps underneath them. More punching. They fight just above the crowd. Hill holds Mos Def just over the audience. Mos Def says that Beyoncé is dead. Hill throws Mos Def over the scaffolding. He falls onto the stage and dies. Everyone screams, the music stops, the stage clears, and suddenly someone is on the microphone announcing that everyone should clear the stage. Beyoncé's girls recognize Mos Def. Someone calls Security backstage. Commotion. The closed captioning says that Blaze is still rapping, but I don't hear it. The cops yell for Hill to get on his knees with his hands up. How many crimes in a single movie are we supposed to forgive? Hill lowers himself to his knees in slow-motion. He puts his hands over his head. A news reporter voice-overs that evening's story on this event as we split-screen Hill waiting for his arrest and Beyoncé smiling in a flashback. Cut back to Da Brat, who is shaking her head like she called all this shit back in the beginning. "Who'll take the responsibility when the guns go off?" she asks. Uh...wha? She asks if Beyoncé ever loved Hill or if she was just playing him. Da Brat says that it doesn't matter anyway, since Beyoncé is now dead. "Carmen Brown. There will never be another," Da Brat says, as she lowers Beyoncé's rose to the pavement. I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Oh, thank God." And that's Hip-Hopera, folks. Don't try to pass your Music Appreciation exam with this. This ain't Carmen, people.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

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