MONDO EXTRAS

Crip-Crapra: Crapmen

by Pamie May 15, 2001
Hip Hopera: Carmen

Blaze arrives, and the place goes nuts. So does Robert Townsend, as the screen fills with letters spelling out Blaze's name. Casey Lee is playing Blaze. He has this pissed-off Mystikal face going on. The background song is all "Jigga-what? Jigga-who?" I suddenly realize I might not ever finish this recap. Blaze raps about how cool he is. Beyoncé's rapper girlfriend tells Blaze that she didn't cop his album but downloaded the mp3. Beyoncé laughs.

As Blaze spells his name out over and over again, he walks over to Beyoncé and gives her a once-over. You'd think that with Beyoncé's friend wanting to be his girl so badly, she'd back off, but she doesn't. She walks into a secluded corner so he can follow her and talk in semi-private. He walks away, though.

Blaze finds Beyoncé seconds later when she's talking to her friends. Why are all the girls called "Shortie" in this movie? He asks if he can just talk to Beyoncé. The other girls leave. He starts to introduce himself as Casey, but she says she knows who he is. They flirt. He asks why she's in Philly. She says she has dreams and won't be there for long. She doesn't want to tell him because he'll laugh. She says she wants to move to L.A. and be a big star. She wants her own movies, shows, and sitcoms. Blaze says that he can see her name in lights. Beyoncé gets up and says she didn't want him making fun of her. He grabs her hand. They have a moment. He gives her his L.A. information and tells her to call him when she moves out there and he'll hook her up. She asks for the catch. He says there isn't one: "Straight up. No strings attached. Word." He asks Beyoncé and her girls to come with him to L.A. that night. She laughs and says she can't. He asks what's keeping her in Philly. "Love," she answers. Well, I'd imagine it'd be, "Because you can't move to L.A. in five minutes," but nobody else sees a problem with this.

I know this is true, because seconds later the girls are all busting into Beyoncé's apartment, announcing that they are moving to California right then and there, leaving with Blaze. Don't these people have apartments, jobs, stuff, or people in their lives? Beyoncé says she can't go. The other girls say she's always wanted to move to California. Beyoncé says that she needs to wait a couple of weeks for Hill to get out of jail, and then the two of them will move together. Somehow Beyoncé's hair has completely changed again. How is she going to move to California in two weeks? It took me six months to move out here. This sparks the worst rap segment in this film. It starts off all, "Carmen, why you buggin?" The girls are all ho-ed out, wearing the stupidest outfits while the dumbest bluescreen behind them plays cheesy images of money and Los Angeles. The words come up on the screen like an old TLC video: "Watch me in the Peach Pit/ Scheming like Kelly/ Cause she's got to have it/ Spike Lee on the celly." Okay. They make some sort of Fatburger joke and say that Beyoncé might be pregnant. She counters, "I mean, sushi is nice/ But I still like some curry." Is it wrong that I'm not sure in the "Jack, Shaq, Kobe" lyric which "Jack" they're talking about? Man, this rap is bad. This whole segment is really crappy. The girls hug goodbye. Beyoncé promises to be there in two weeks. The girls leave. I've just now figured out that one of the girls is named Nikki. It took this long for them to say names.

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Crip-Crapra: Crapmen

by Pamie May 15, 2001
Hip Hopera: Carmen Blaze arrives, and the place goes nuts. So does Robert Townsend, as the screen fills with letters spelling out Blaze's name. Casey Lee is playing Blaze. He has this pissed-off Mystikal face going on. The background song is all "Jigga-what? Jigga-who?" I suddenly realize I might not ever finish this recap. Blaze raps about how cool he is. Beyoncé's rapper girlfriend tells Blaze that she didn't cop his album but downloaded the mp3. Beyoncé laughs. As Blaze spells his name out over and over again, he walks over to Beyoncé and gives her a once-over. You'd think that with Beyoncé's friend wanting to be his girl so badly, she'd back off, but she doesn't. She walks into a secluded corner so he can follow her and talk in semi-private. He walks away, though. Blaze finds Beyoncé seconds later when she's talking to her friends. Why are all the girls called "Shortie" in this movie? He asks if he can just talk to Beyoncé. The other girls leave. He starts to introduce himself as Casey, but she says she knows who he is. They flirt. He asks why she's in Philly. She says she has dreams and won't be there for long. She doesn't want to tell him because he'll laugh. She says she wants to move to L.A. and be a big star. She wants her own movies, shows, and sitcoms. Blaze says that he can see her name in lights. Beyoncé gets up and says she didn't want him making fun of her. He grabs her hand. They have a moment. He gives her his L.A. information and tells her to call him when she moves out there and he'll hook her up. She asks for the catch. He says there isn't one: "Straight up. No strings attached. Word." He asks Beyoncé and her girls to come with him to L.A. that night. She laughs and says she can't. He asks what's keeping her in Philly. "Love," she answers. Well, I'd imagine it'd be, "Because you can't move to L.A. in five minutes," but nobody else sees a problem with this. I know this is true, because seconds later the girls are all busting into Beyoncé's apartment, announcing that they are moving to California right then and there, leaving with Blaze. Don't these people have apartments, jobs, stuff, or people in their lives? Beyoncé says she can't go. The other girls say she's always wanted to move to California. Beyoncé says that she needs to wait a couple of weeks for Hill to get out of jail, and then the two of them will move together. Somehow Beyoncé's hair has completely changed again. How is she going to move to California in two weeks? It took me six months to move out here. This sparks the worst rap segment in this film. It starts off all, "Carmen, why you buggin?" The girls are all ho-ed out, wearing the stupidest outfits while the dumbest bluescreen behind them plays cheesy images of money and Los Angeles. The words come up on the screen like an old TLC video: "Watch me in the Peach Pit/ Scheming like Kelly/ Cause she's got to have it/ Spike Lee on the celly." Okay. They make some sort of Fatburger joke and say that Beyoncé might be pregnant. She counters, "I mean, sushi is nice/ But I still like some curry." Is it wrong that I'm not sure in the "Jack, Shaq, Kobe" lyric which "Jack" they're talking about? Man, this rap is bad. This whole segment is really crappy. The girls hug goodbye. Beyoncé promises to be there in two weeks. The girls leave. I've just now figured out that one of the girls is named Nikki. It took this long for them to say names.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

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