Howie Do It Premiere
About now I'm seriously kicking myself for not taking Zach up on his offer to do this review. [I thanked God that you didn't. - Z] I thought I might get at least a giggle or two out of it, but aside from the "master dater" crack, which garnered a smirk, nothing. My husband keeps looking over at me like and asking me to make it stop. But unlike 13: Fear Is Real and True Beauty (which I pawned off on Mindy and Lauren, respectively), it is my duty to see this show through to the bitter, bitter end and not delete it from my DVR and mind as soon as humanly possible.
Drummer boy looks like he really wishes he'd been cast in Prince's Vegas show. Howie drags Kathleen out on to the stage. She asked to prank her husband. Aw, nothing brings a marriage together like lies. She told her spouse that she was going to do a makeover show, but didn't reveal that it was a plastic surgery show, instead of a hair and fashion sort of thing. The hosts show off her shoes first, and we see she's in a wheelchair, and is wearing a slinky dress, but can't stand up. Then they show her face, which is all puffy and bruised. Husband just looked stunned. He's not saying anything. In three to six months, she'll be good as new. They swear it. The hosts ask Michael, the husband, for his thoughts, he says "talk to me in three to six months." They ask to cut tape. There's another guy with a made-over wife who doesn't see the problem. They bring out the wives. Michael's too mellow, but he seems kind of low-key pissed. Then the host says he wants to put him on another show, and he says they can talk later (great, another actor wannabe), and then the host says he already is on another show. Surprise! He sits there some more and then gets up and does a little jig.
Time for another couple. They are a husband and wife. She tells him they've been cast in a mouthwash commercial. They are in bed and are told to "wake up" and then make out. The guy running the campaign isn't convinced, so he trades places with the husband and goes over to show him what he's looking for. The husband looks a bit peeved that some other guy is macking on his wife. The husband is wearing a T-shirt that proclaims "Damn Right I'm Good in Bed." Charming. He says this commercial is like soft-core porn. Husband gets his second chance at making out with his wife. Howie (Jerry) and the guy running the campaign don't think it's good enough. So campaign guy comes out in boxers and just, like, attacks the wife. She acts pleased. Husband is having a panic attack. He looks like he wants to cry or punch someone. They bring out a new skimpy wardrobe for wife and campaign guy to wear. Campaign guy says that he wants to know what turns the wife on. Husband gets all miffed, then Howie takes the wig off and husband guy does a fist bump with him and then gets a little mad at his wife.