Esau comes back from making his own dinner. The fat, hairy wives sass him some more. He brings the meal to Isaac, who is devastated that he gave the blessing to the wrong brother. Esau asks for another blessing. Isaac cries and says no. "There can be only one." Christopher Lambert walks through the tent and begs to be put in touch with the guy picking Christopher O'Donnell's scripts. That's funnier if you've seen Highlander. And are a dork. Esau runs out of the tent and smashes some baskets in front of the fat, hairy wives. The wives tell him to go after Isaac.
We go to commercial. I call my friend the Bible scholar, all ready to laugh about how not funny the funny scene was, and she tells me she thinks Jacob was cute. I'm crushed. She also tells me that in the actual Bible, Esau sold the blessing to Jacob and wasn't upset about it until much later.
We come back to Diana Rigg in her second and final thirty-second installment of screen time. She tells Jacob not to underestimate the power of the fat, hairy wives. She ships him off to Haran for his own safety.
Jacob arrives in Haran and immediately meets Rachel. I'd just like to say that Rachel is both my sister's name and the name of my Bible scholar friend. Which I guess makes this a shout-out of truly Biblical proportions. They flirt. Rachel looks kind of like Faith from Buffy. She runs off for girl talk with her sisters, including the somewhat older and significantly more fugly Leah.
Isaac and Rachel's father walk through the marketplace. They buy a wedding dress that looks suspiciously like an oriental rug with a neck hole cut in it. I guess we missed the part where Jacob and Rachel fell in love and asked Dad for permission to marry. Anyway, they spot Rachel and Leah across the street. Dad, who's name is Laban, tells Jacob that he can see he loves her. Unfortunately, Jacob has no money. Jacob agrees to work for Laban for seven years to pay for the privilege of marrying his daughter.
It's seven years later. I think. It might be twelve years earlier, though. Who cares anymore? Jacob is having his bachelor party. This is a family-oriented Bible movie, however, so the stripper is actually a belly dancer. In a parka. There's some wacky drunken comedy, and then Jacob goes to bed.
Only, Rachel is already there. Which means that they had the bachelor party after the wedding. Huh? Anyway, drunken Jacob crawls into bed. Fade to morning. Pan down to naked Jacob in bed with naked Leah. See, they switched sisters on him. He's married to Leah, and there's nothing he can do about it. The Ross and Rachel connection is a little thin, I know, but he did get drunk and marry the wrong girl, so I'm sticking with it. Incidentally, I was taught in Sunday school that this incident was the origin of the custom of having brides lift their veil during the wedding ceremony. An informal poll of friends tells me I'm the only one that's ever heard this before. Can anyone in the forums back me up? ["I learned that in Sunday school too. Then again, I went to a Sunday school where you could wear jeans, so who knows what all they taught us." -- Sars]