My, how time flies when we're editing. Suddenly Susan, I mean Sarah, I mean Jackie is dying. She's propped up in a tent. Isaac pulls open the tent and comes inside. Tender goodbyes all around. Jackie asks for the tent to be opened again so she can see the sun. Can anyone guess who is outside the tent? That's right. The Extras. They're sitting there watching her die. Now that's just creepy. And by the way, I agree with Pamie that "creepy" is a fun word to say. Does that make me creepy? Or I am just bleating about nonsense?
Okay. I think I've got this continuity thing figured out. Regular edits are five years. Commercials are ten years. At least, I think they are. All I know is that when we come back, Marty has finally traded in the jet black dead squirrel for a more stately silver-toned dead hamster. He's talking with Eliezer, whom we know as the "My master is stronger than your master" guy. Wow, that seemed like it was about six hundred years ago. Oh wait, it was. Anyway, Marty instructs him to go back to Haran (which my Bible-scholar buddy indicates was Abraham's home town) and find Isaac a wife. The kicker is that it's crucial that she "be kin to [them]". I guess it's okay for Dad to schtup his wife's handmaiden, but only a blood relative will do for Isaac. I don't know where Dr. Laura gets off using the Bible to preach sexual morality. This thing reads like a letter to Penthouse Forum, only without the quality editing. Eliezer leaves for Haran. Isaac wonders if his new bride will be pretty and wise. Que sera sera, my friend.
Cut to Haran. Maybe it's a hundred years later, maybe it isn't. Who knows? But Eliezer rides up and spots a couple of honeys chilling by the well. They give him the once-over and rush off giggling at his poor facial-hair grooming skills. He spots another woman across the road and asks her for her water. Since she's hot, not wearing a bra, and carrying her water jug at a jaunty angle, he immediately thinks she's the one. But first, there's a test. He asks her for some water. She says yes. I wait for the test. I'm sorry, what? That was the test? Oops. He also mentions that his camels are thirsty. I thought the whole point of camels was that they didn't get thirsty. That and all the extra opportunities to work the word "hump" into conversation. Chicks dig a guy who says "hump" a lot. Or so I've heard. Anyway, The Watergirl looks miffed at the imposition.
Cut to Sir Hump-A-Lot chatting with what I'm just going to go ahead and assume is The Watergirl's family. They know of Abraham, especially that he's rich. Sir Hump-A-Lot says he knew The Watergirl was the right choice when she passed the test and offered water to his camels. Except she didn't. In fact, she looked pretty pissed that he had the temerity to ask. Anyway, the family is resistant until Sir Hump-A-Lot coughs up a chest full of gold.