Mondo Extra
In The Beginning, Part I

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In The Beginning, Part I
They bring Marty, who's now going with what appears to be the hindquarters of a polar bear for a wig, outside to see The Extras. He blesses them and then literally keels over. He drops the big stick I said would be important later. Ishmael picks it up, and hands it Isaac. It's still not important yet. They share a brotherly hug as they stare at Dad's body. Yassir Arafat wipes the tears from his eyes and leans over to hug Ehud Barak. The world is a better place. In the midst of all this point-making, I never got the chance to mention that The Extras are wailing and throwing sand into the air for this entire scene. We've gone way past creepy now. Okay, now it's fifty years later. I rewind to see if Bunim and Murray are listed as producers. We do get a helpful Bible quote to explain this time, however. It seems that The Watergirl has conceived, and given birth to Jacob and Esau. Jacob was "a plain man, dwelling in tents." Because everyone else has gone condo out here in the desert. A hairy fat guy and his two hairy, fat wives are walking down the street. That's not the set-up to a bad joke. That's really what happened. It's Esau, and we know he's a hairy fat bad guy because he's wearing too much eye make-up. Eye make-up = evil. That will also be important later. Folks, I can't emphasize it enough: this guy is hairy. And fat. But mostly hairy. The wives sass him for a bit, and then he goes to visit Daddy. Isaac is now blind and wearing his Dad's old polar bear wig. He determines it's Esau by rubbing the hair on his arm. Isaac tells Esau to go and make him dinner and he'll give him his eternal blessing. I cooked dinner for my dad once. All I got was a cookbook. Esau leaves. In another room of their palatial four bedroom town-tent, Isaac and The Watergirl are chatting. The Watergirl, by the way, has grown up to be Diana Rigg. I'd talk about how cool she was on The Avengers, but her screen-time would be over before I finished. She badmouths Isaac for favoring Esau, when Jacob is clearly superior. It's obvious. Jacob isn't wearing eye make-up. She convinces Jacob to fool Isaac and steal the blessing. She cooks the dinner, gives Jacob one of Esau's shirts, and wraps some fur around his arm. Jacob leaves the tent and walks away. And ends up back in the tent. Now that was a REALLY bad edit. Jacob is bringing the meal to Isaac. Now The Bible isn't exactly what I would call a comedy goldmine, but I guess the producers felt the need to get at least one laugh each night. So Jacob plays this next scene like Jerry Lewis. Lots of eye rolling and wacky tricks to keep from getting caught. Isaac isn't sure who it is at first, but Jacob fakes a non-funny, non-deep deep voice and fools him. Isaac still isn't sure, so he smells the shirt, which yanks Jerry Lewis's head at a non-funny, sadly non-painful angle. Finally he tries to touch the hair on the arm, but grabs the wrong hand. Non-funny gasping and wriggling from Jacob until Isaac touches the fur. Finally he's convinced and gives the blessing.

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Mondo Extra

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Mondo Extra
In The Beginning, Part I

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
In The Beginning, Part I

They bring Marty, who's now going with what appears to be the hindquarters of a polar bear for a wig, outside to see The Extras. He blesses them and then literally keels over. He drops the big stick I said would be important later. Ishmael picks it up, and hands it Isaac. It's still not important yet. They share a brotherly hug as they stare at Dad's body. Yassir Arafat wipes the tears from his eyes and leans over to hug Ehud Barak. The world is a better place.

In the midst of all this point-making, I never got the chance to mention that The Extras are wailing and throwing sand into the air for this entire scene. We've gone way past creepy now.

Okay, now it's fifty years later. I rewind to see if Bunim and Murray are listed as producers. We do get a helpful Bible quote to explain this time, however. It seems that The Watergirl has conceived, and given birth to Jacob and Esau. Jacob was "a plain man, dwelling in tents." Because everyone else has gone condo out here in the desert.

A hairy fat guy and his two hairy, fat wives are walking down the street. That's not the set-up to a bad joke. That's really what happened. It's Esau, and we know he's a hairy fat bad guy because he's wearing too much eye make-up. Eye make-up = evil. That will also be important later. Folks, I can't emphasize it enough: this guy is hairy. And fat. But mostly hairy. The wives sass him for a bit, and then he goes to visit Daddy. Isaac is now blind and wearing his Dad's old polar bear wig. He determines it's Esau by rubbing the hair on his arm. Isaac tells Esau to go and make him dinner and he'll give him his eternal blessing. I cooked dinner for my dad once. All I got was a cookbook. Esau leaves.

In another room of their palatial four bedroom town-tent, Isaac and The Watergirl are chatting. The Watergirl, by the way, has grown up to be Diana Rigg. I'd talk about how cool she was on The Avengers, but her screen-time would be over before I finished. She badmouths Isaac for favoring Esau, when Jacob is clearly superior. It's obvious. Jacob isn't wearing eye make-up. She convinces Jacob to fool Isaac and steal the blessing. She cooks the dinner, gives Jacob one of Esau's shirts, and wraps some fur around his arm. Jacob leaves the tent and walks away.

And ends up back in the tent. Now that was a REALLY bad edit. Jacob is bringing the meal to Isaac. Now The Bible isn't exactly what I would call a comedy goldmine, but I guess the producers felt the need to get at least one laugh each night. So Jacob plays this next scene like Jerry Lewis. Lots of eye rolling and wacky tricks to keep from getting caught. Isaac isn't sure who it is at first, but Jacob fakes a non-funny, non-deep deep voice and fools him. Isaac still isn't sure, so he smells the shirt, which yanks Jerry Lewis's head at a non-funny, sadly non-painful angle. Finally he tries to touch the hair on the arm, but grabs the wrong hand. Non-funny gasping and wriggling from Jacob until Isaac touches the fur. Finally he's convinced and gives the blessing.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

Mondo Extra

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