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In The Beginning, Part II

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Aaron: F | Grade It Now!
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In The Beginning, Part II
So Billy Goat goes to the Hebrews, and tells them to paint their doors with the blood of a lamb, to prevent the Worst. Special Effect. Ever from entering their homes. It's some kind of brown mist, aided by lots of billowing curtains and slamming doors. Ramses II is told that his scaredy-cat kid is dead. He Streeps (excessive sobbing and shouting) and orders that the Hebrews be freed. The Cairo town square. Lots of Extras. The Hebrews are marched out of town while everyone stares. Billy Goat Gruff and The Staff-Of-Size-Does-Matter lead the way. They wander through the same desert shots Marty did in part one. The Thousand Year Lackey convinces Ramses II to go after them. Billy Campbell has upgraded to Marty's old silver-toned hamster, and actually looks fairly Biblical as we head to commercial. When we come back, Ramses and The Thousand Year Lackey argue about whether the Hebrew's God is stronger than their God. Yeah, and Mommy Moses wears combat boots. We. Get. It. They lead the soldiers out. Meanwhile, Billy Goat Gruff and his band of Merry Hebrews are trapped at the side of the Red Sea. I went swimming in the Red Sea once and got a jellyfish sting the size of a small cat. Ten years later, I still have the scar. Anyway, some rabble-rouser tries to convince the Merry Hebrews to go back, or the Egyptians will destroy them. The Extras agree with him. Joshua, who hasn't been seen until now, tries to convince them to stay, and gets trampled. Billy and I climb a rock and watch the Hebrews head back. And now for the moment our director has been waiting for. Every wind machine on the African sub-continent gets used as Billy raises his arms to the heavens. I can barely stand next to him, it's blowing so hard. Ramses II and The Thousand Year Lackey look up to see cheesy computerized clouds filling the sky. And here's where the director's wind-machine fetish finally pays off big for viewers with a Billy Campbell fetish. Because his toga's pretty short, and in one sequence it blows up so far we almost get a full on Sharon-Stone-crossing-her-legs-in-Basic Instinct shot. I'm not gonna spill the Campbell family secrets, but let's just say he's no Aaron. A tornado comes down and parts the Red Sea. These effects look like they were drawn by a two-year-old with a half-empty box of crayons. The Hebrews head out into the sea. Mommy Moses doesn't want to go. Rachael the Bible Scholar points out she should have been dead a long time ago. Finally, they convince her to go.

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Mondo Extra
In The Beginning, Part II

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
In The Beginning, Part II

So Billy Goat goes to the Hebrews, and tells them to paint their doors with the blood of a lamb, to prevent the Worst. Special Effect. Ever from entering their homes. It's some kind of brown mist, aided by lots of billowing curtains and slamming doors. Ramses II is told that his scaredy-cat kid is dead. He Streeps (excessive sobbing and shouting) and orders that the Hebrews be freed.

The Cairo town square. Lots of Extras. The Hebrews are marched out of town while everyone stares. Billy Goat Gruff and The Staff-Of-Size-Does-Matter lead the way. They wander through the same desert shots Marty did in part one. The Thousand Year Lackey convinces Ramses II to go after them. Billy Campbell has upgraded to Marty's old silver-toned hamster, and actually looks fairly Biblical as we head to commercial.

When we come back, Ramses and The Thousand Year Lackey argue about whether the Hebrew's God is stronger than their God. Yeah, and Mommy Moses wears combat boots. We. Get. It. They lead the soldiers out. Meanwhile, Billy Goat Gruff and his band of Merry Hebrews are trapped at the side of the Red Sea. I went swimming in the Red Sea once and got a jellyfish sting the size of a small cat. Ten years later, I still have the scar. Anyway, some rabble-rouser tries to convince the Merry Hebrews to go back, or the Egyptians will destroy them. The Extras agree with him. Joshua, who hasn't been seen until now, tries to convince them to stay, and gets trampled. Billy and I climb a rock and watch the Hebrews head back.

And now for the moment our director has been waiting for. Every wind machine on the African sub-continent gets used as Billy raises his arms to the heavens. I can barely stand next to him, it's blowing so hard. Ramses II and The Thousand Year Lackey look up to see cheesy computerized clouds filling the sky. And here's where the director's wind-machine fetish finally pays off big for viewers with a Billy Campbell fetish. Because his toga's pretty short, and in one sequence it blows up so far we almost get a full on Sharon-Stone-crossing-her-legs-in-Basic Instinct shot. I'm not gonna spill the Campbell family secrets, but let's just say he's no Aaron. A tornado comes down and parts the Red Sea. These effects look like they were drawn by a two-year-old with a half-empty box of crayons. The Hebrews head out into the sea. Mommy Moses doesn't want to go. Rachael the Bible Scholar points out she should have been dead a long time ago. Finally, they convince her to go.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

Mondo Extra

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