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In The Beginning, Part II

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In The Beginning, Part II
So the Hebrews head out into the Red Sea. The Egyptians wait on the shore. The Thousand Year Lackey Hestons, "We must have revenge!" Art orders his troops into the water. The Hebrews struggle to get across, and Mommy Moses gets lost. Billy Goat Gruff spots her and rushes to save her. He dodges the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, hurdles Davy Jones's locker, and nods a brief hello to George Clooney and Mark Walhberg, who are down here on the sea floor kicking the crap out of Leonardo DiCaprio. Finally he grabs her and pulls her to the far shore. The Egyptians meanwhile, crank up the Bangles on their chariot stereos and rush across. They make it halfway, and then the waters collapse on them. There are no words to express how bad the special effects are here. Well, there are, but I don't want CyberNanny to start blocking this site. At least we get to see The Thousand Year Lackey drown. Something tells me he'll be back, though. Billy and Art stand on their opposite sides of the Red Sea and look at each other. Because it's not a hundred miles across or anything. And for the one-millionth and still not yet final time, The Extras go wild. My neighbor shows up with the landlord and an eviction notice. I move out during the commercials. Oh crap, there's more. I had convinced myself that once they made it across the Red Sea, all this would be but a painful memory. But there's still fifteen minutes left. Knowing the way this thing has been edited, they could be planning to squeeze in most of Deuteronomy here. Anyway, Billy Goat shows up at Jethro's house with a couple thousand of his closest Extras. Remember Jethro? His father-in-law? I didn't either. That's why I keep a highly trained Bible scholar on hand. I also keep a bottle of Tylenol PM on hand, but that's been empty for hours. Ziploc runs to hug Jethro. Billy thanks him for the Aqualung, which he got good use out of at the Red Sea. Jethro has heard about Billy's success. Billy is all modest. Jethro says, "God's laws shall endure forever." So, apparently, shall this show. More desert wandering. This scene poses the same question that my Rabbi yelled at me for asking in Sunday school. If the Jews left Egypt and crossed the Red Sea, that would put them in what is now Saudi Arabia. So how the hell do they end up at Mt. Sinai, which is back on the original side of the Red Sea, without passing through the Promised Land of Israel? Check your maps, people, I'm seriously confused here. We got an answer on my last forum question, so can anyone help with this one?

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Mondo Extra

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Mondo Extra
In The Beginning, Part II

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
In The Beginning, Part II

So the Hebrews head out into the Red Sea. The Egyptians wait on the shore. The Thousand Year Lackey Hestons, "We must have revenge!" Art orders his troops into the water. The Hebrews struggle to get across, and Mommy Moses gets lost. Billy Goat Gruff spots her and rushes to save her. He dodges the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, hurdles Davy Jones's locker, and nods a brief hello to George Clooney and Mark Walhberg, who are down here on the sea floor kicking the crap out of Leonardo DiCaprio. Finally he grabs her and pulls her to the far shore.

The Egyptians meanwhile, crank up the Bangles on their chariot stereos and rush across. They make it halfway, and then the waters collapse on them. There are no words to express how bad the special effects are here. Well, there are, but I don't want CyberNanny to start blocking this site. At least we get to see The Thousand Year Lackey drown. Something tells me he'll be back, though. Billy and Art stand on their opposite sides of the Red Sea and look at each other. Because it's not a hundred miles across or anything. And for the one-millionth and still not yet final time, The Extras go wild. My neighbor shows up with the landlord and an eviction notice. I move out during the commercials.

Oh crap, there's more. I had convinced myself that once they made it across the Red Sea, all this would be but a painful memory. But there's still fifteen minutes left. Knowing the way this thing has been edited, they could be planning to squeeze in most of Deuteronomy here. Anyway, Billy Goat shows up at Jethro's house with a couple thousand of his closest Extras. Remember Jethro? His father-in-law? I didn't either. That's why I keep a highly trained Bible scholar on hand. I also keep a bottle of Tylenol PM on hand, but that's been empty for hours. Ziploc runs to hug Jethro. Billy thanks him for the Aqualung, which he got good use out of at the Red Sea. Jethro has heard about Billy's success. Billy is all modest. Jethro says, "God's laws shall endure forever." So, apparently, shall this show.

More desert wandering. This scene poses the same question that my Rabbi yelled at me for asking in Sunday school. If the Jews left Egypt and crossed the Red Sea, that would put them in what is now Saudi Arabia. So how the hell do they end up at Mt. Sinai, which is back on the original side of the Red Sea, without passing through the Promised Land of Israel? Check your maps, people, I'm seriously confused here. We got an answer on my last forum question, so can anyone help with this one?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

Mondo Extra

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