MONDO EXTRAS

Mormon-mania

by Kim February 13, 2001
Inside the Osmonds

Ma comes downstairs to find Donny doing some wood burning. No, really. He's wearing protective goggles and everything. She reminds Donny that he was miserable on his first tour, but now he's grown up. Donny thinks his brothers hate him, and says that he didn't ask to be up front. Ma says that families have their difficulties, and it's going to be okay. At least she doesn't talk about his talent. Donny takes off his protective goggles and thinks real hard.

Pa makes himself a sandwich, and then tells Merrill he's too young. Merrill insists that twenty is old enough for marriage, and asks how old Pa was when he got married. Pa says that his stepfather drove him out of his house at fourteen, and he didn't have a family like Merrill does. Merrill wants to know if that means he can't ever get married, but has to hang out with his brothers. Merrill's all, "I love her!" Pa doesn't think Merrill is ready. Merrill leaves in a huff. Pa eats his sandwich. Pa's kind of a bastard, isn't he?

In bed (woo woo), Ma reminds Pa of how they had two deaf kids, and everyone said they should stop reproducing. But Ma and Pa thought it was God's plan to have more kids, so they did. I'll say -- a lot more. Pa says the plan is for the family to stay together. Ma says their kids have to grow up and have their own families. Pa thinks the family has to stay together and on track. Ma says success doesn't mean a thing if the kids are unhappy. You get the feeling that Pa doesn't really care if the kids are happy as long as he gets his own way.

Pa walks into the dressing room backstage at a concert, and asks for a moment alone with Merrill. Pa points out that Merrill doesn't need his permission to get married. Merrill says that Mary doesn't want to come between him and his family. I guess Mary isn't a bad influence after all. Pa asks if Merrill can handle marriage and his family obligations. Merrill thinks he can. Pa gives his blessing to the marriage. Then there's a wedding montage, featuring all of the brothers wearing power blue tuxedos. Apparently, Mary doesn't have any family, since it's all Osmonds all the time.

Little Jimmy records a song about being a "long-haired lover from Liverpool." Talk about your inappropriate lyrics! Isn't it a little creepy to see an eight-year-old singing about being a lover? Leisure Suit Record Mogul claps and says the single will take England. Little Jimmy says that he already took Japan. LSRM calls Jimmy his hero, and Jimmy just smiles and nods. God, he's so obnoxious.

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Mormon-mania

by Kim February 13, 2001
Inside the Osmonds Ma comes downstairs to find Donny doing some wood burning. No, really. He's wearing protective goggles and everything. She reminds Donny that he was miserable on his first tour, but now he's grown up. Donny thinks his brothers hate him, and says that he didn't ask to be up front. Ma says that families have their difficulties, and it's going to be okay. At least she doesn't talk about his talent. Donny takes off his protective goggles and thinks real hard. Pa makes himself a sandwich, and then tells Merrill he's too young. Merrill insists that twenty is old enough for marriage, and asks how old Pa was when he got married. Pa says that his stepfather drove him out of his house at fourteen, and he didn't have a family like Merrill does. Merrill wants to know if that means he can't ever get married, but has to hang out with his brothers. Merrill's all, "I love her!" Pa doesn't think Merrill is ready. Merrill leaves in a huff. Pa eats his sandwich. Pa's kind of a bastard, isn't he? In bed (woo woo), Ma reminds Pa of how they had two deaf kids, and everyone said they should stop reproducing. But Ma and Pa thought it was God's plan to have more kids, so they did. I'll say -- a lot more. Pa says the plan is for the family to stay together. Ma says their kids have to grow up and have their own families. Pa thinks the family has to stay together and on track. Ma says success doesn't mean a thing if the kids are unhappy. You get the feeling that Pa doesn't really care if the kids are happy as long as he gets his own way. Pa walks into the dressing room backstage at a concert, and asks for a moment alone with Merrill. Pa points out that Merrill doesn't need his permission to get married. Merrill says that Mary doesn't want to come between him and his family. I guess Mary isn't a bad influence after all. Pa asks if Merrill can handle marriage and his family obligations. Merrill thinks he can. Pa gives his blessing to the marriage. Then there's a wedding montage, featuring all of the brothers wearing power blue tuxedos. Apparently, Mary doesn't have any family, since it's all Osmonds all the time. Little Jimmy records a song about being a "long-haired lover from Liverpool." Talk about your inappropriate lyrics! Isn't it a little creepy to see an eight-year-old singing about being a lover? Leisure Suit Record Mogul claps and says the single will take England. Little Jimmy says that he already took Japan. LSRM calls Jimmy his hero, and Jimmy just smiles and nods. God, he's so obnoxious.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

Comments

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