MONDO EXTRAS

Mormon-mania

by admin February 13, 2001
Inside the Osmonds

Montage of teenage girls pinning up pictures of Donny to the strains of "Puppy Love." In concert footage, Donny is suddenly about fifteen or sixteen, and very, very sweaty. Like "hair looks like I just got caught in a downpour" sweaty. The girls start to pull him into the audience, and Alan rescues him. Donny is such a pro that he doesn't miss a beat. I guess Merrill doesn't care that he's not out front any more because he's getting laid now. On the way offstage, Donny and one of his brothers point out two pretty girls in the front row to a security guard.

In the hotel, some Osmond (I still can't tell most of them apart) tells Donny that Pa is asleep. They conspire to sneak out and kiss some girls. Who knew the Osmonds were such horndogs? Other Osmond jokes that girls in Minnesota "know how to stay warm." The two girls rush up and introduce themselves. They're big Osmond fans, and want to go to their room. Other Osmond says that girls aren't allowed in the rooms so that they aren't "tempted to, you know, take the wrong path." Cut to Osmond / fan liplock. Other Osmond breaks it off and kicks the fans out. One of the fans tries to tempt them to take the wrong path. She's just like Eve in the Bible, all tempting and shit. The girls are offended that the Osmonds won't put out, and they stomp on out of there.

An FBI agent tells the family that one of the SLA agents who kidnapped Patty Hearst made a threat against the family. He hands out panic buttons. The agent says that the "Osmonds are so popular right now, [they're] practically American icons." The song "Crazy Horses" plays over footage of all the crazy things going on in America at that time. The Osmonds arrive at Heathrow airport to mayhem. This song is very, very bad. Let's put it this way -- the chorus features a guitar making a neighing sound. The boys get ambushed by crazed fans in the hotel lobby. Concert footage features Donny "dancing" and choreographed karate kicks. Ma and Marie spray fire extinguishers out into the audience for some reason.

On the television, the Osmonds watch some expert saying that Parliament should deport the Osmonds to stop the mania. Pa walks in and says there will be a couple of record executives in the audience, and they want Donny to sing more leads tonight to push his new solo album. Merrill says it's fine. Pa adds that they want Donny to sing "Down By the Lazy River." Donny protests that it's Merrill's song. Pa tells Alan to decide. Alan decides Donny should sing it for this one show. During the concert, Donny walks to the front of the stage to sing, but Merrill boxes him out and starts singing the song. I guess getting laid hasn't cured his desire to be the lead singer. Maybe Mary didn't come to England with them. Pa looks pissed. Once they get offstage, Alan yells at Merrill. Wayne agrees with Merrill. Jay says that it doesn't matter because they're "a bubblegum factory." Merrill yells that they were going to be "the next Led Zeppelin." Excuse me for a minute -- ha ha ha ha! Ha! Ha ha! Okay. Sorry. Alan protests that they are a family first. Wayne asks who Alan thinks he is. Alan says that having one boss is Pa's order, and asks if anyone wants to go against father. They all get real quiet because Pa is scary. Pa bustles in and asks what happened up there. Alan says it won't happen again while looking straight at Merrill. Merrill agrees and then looks at Alan real hard before walking off. Donny looks sad.

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Mormon-mania

by admin February 13, 2001
Inside the Osmonds Montage of teenage girls pinning up pictures of Donny to the strains of "Puppy Love." In concert footage, Donny is suddenly about fifteen or sixteen, and very, very sweaty. Like "hair looks like I just got caught in a downpour" sweaty. The girls start to pull him into the audience, and Alan rescues him. Donny is such a pro that he doesn't miss a beat. I guess Merrill doesn't care that he's not out front any more because he's getting laid now. On the way offstage, Donny and one of his brothers point out two pretty girls in the front row to a security guard. In the hotel, some Osmond (I still can't tell most of them apart) tells Donny that Pa is asleep. They conspire to sneak out and kiss some girls. Who knew the Osmonds were such horndogs? Other Osmond jokes that girls in Minnesota "know how to stay warm." The two girls rush up and introduce themselves. They're big Osmond fans, and want to go to their room. Other Osmond says that girls aren't allowed in the rooms so that they aren't "tempted to, you know, take the wrong path." Cut to Osmond / fan liplock. Other Osmond breaks it off and kicks the fans out. One of the fans tries to tempt them to take the wrong path. She's just like Eve in the Bible, all tempting and shit. The girls are offended that the Osmonds won't put out, and they stomp on out of there. An FBI agent tells the family that one of the SLA agents who kidnapped Patty Hearst made a threat against the family. He hands out panic buttons. The agent says that the "Osmonds are so popular right now, [they're] practically American icons." The song "Crazy Horses" plays over footage of all the crazy things going on in America at that time. The Osmonds arrive at Heathrow airport to mayhem. This song is very, very bad. Let's put it this way -- the chorus features a guitar making a neighing sound. The boys get ambushed by crazed fans in the hotel lobby. Concert footage features Donny "dancing" and choreographed karate kicks. Ma and Marie spray fire extinguishers out into the audience for some reason. On the television, the Osmonds watch some expert saying that Parliament should deport the Osmonds to stop the mania. Pa walks in and says there will be a couple of record executives in the audience, and they want Donny to sing more leads tonight to push his new solo album. Merrill says it's fine. Pa adds that they want Donny to sing "Down By the Lazy River." Donny protests that it's Merrill's song. Pa tells Alan to decide. Alan decides Donny should sing it for this one show. During the concert, Donny walks to the front of the stage to sing, but Merrill boxes him out and starts singing the song. I guess getting laid hasn't cured his desire to be the lead singer. Maybe Mary didn't come to England with them. Pa looks pissed. Once they get offstage, Alan yells at Merrill. Wayne agrees with Merrill. Jay says that it doesn't matter because they're "a bubblegum factory." Merrill yells that they were going to be "the next Led Zeppelin." Excuse me for a minute -- ha ha ha ha! Ha! Ha ha! Okay. Sorry. Alan protests that they are a family first. Wayne asks who Alan thinks he is. Alan says that having one boss is Pa's order, and asks if anyone wants to go against father. They all get real quiet because Pa is scary. Pa bustles in and asks what happened up there. Alan says it won't happen again while looking straight at Merrill. Merrill agrees and then looks at Alan real hard before walking off. Donny looks sad.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

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