MONDO EXTRAS

Mormon-mania

by Kim February 13, 2001
Inside the Osmonds

Cue the intro of the show, which I remember from my youth, neon sign and all. Donny and Marie take the stage wearing white tuxedos and launch into "It Takes Two," complete with choreography and backup dancers. It's all so cheesy. I wish we still had variety shows. The rest of the Osmonds enjoy being in the control room. Donny and Marie sing their trademark signoff that begins, "May tomorrow be a perfect day," and I surprise myself by remembering all the words. I used to have a Donny Osmond doll. He was so much cooler than Ken -- he had purple socks! ["Is it pathetic that I still have my Donny doll? Not like on me or anything…" -- Niki]

Alan reads a review of the show that calls the signoff "sickeningly sweet." Ma says that Elvis loved the signoff. I guess that means that he didn't shoot the television set. They had better not book Robert Goulet as a guest, just to play it safe. Some Osmond says it ends what's supposed to be a fun show on a serious note. Donny starts to give his opinion, but Alan wants to hear from Merrill first. Donny is cheesed off that he doesn't have a say, but Alan says that Donny's too close to it to give an honest opinion. Pa says that all that matters is that America loves them, and Alan ceremoniously dumps the review in the trashcan. Where have I seen that before?

Donny and Marie do a skit based on the old Canadian Mountie rescues a woman tied to the train track story. If I remember correctly, this segment was called "The Perils of Marie." Donny delivers his line, but Alan corrects him, and then scolds him some more. Donny apologizes. Alan tells some lady to "have them run it until it's perfect." As Alan walks away, Wayne asks Alan if he's supposed to wear a particularly gaudy red costume. Alan thinks it'll be fun. Wayne doesn't look too happy. I think Alan inherited some of Pa's egomania.

A musical number starts with the Osmonds wearing giant red lobster costumes and singing "By the Sea." Oh, for crying out loud, this is terrible. I can't believe that this is what passed for entertainment in this country less than twenty years ago. The Osmonds watch the replay on a monitor backstage and laugh, but Wayne walks off. Merrill finds Wayne sitting on the floor in his dressing room, still wearing the lobster head. It would be a lot easier to take this scene seriously if he wasn't still wearing the costume. Anyway, Wayne is upset that he's been reduced to this, a "clown on someone else's hit show." Merrill says that they're producers of the show. Wayne says they're supposed to be musicians, and finally takes off the lobster head, but it's almost worse since his terrible wig sticks straight up. Merrill says they'll always be musicians, but Wayne wonders how you can be a musician when you don't play music, and then reminisces about their tours, and how the people loved them, and they were a big success, but it "seems like another lifetime." Merrill says they're not dead. Wayne thinks they should have "stayed with it," and that they could have continued, but didn't. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Wayne.

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Mormon-mania

by Kim February 13, 2001
Inside the Osmonds Cue the intro of the show, which I remember from my youth, neon sign and all. Donny and Marie take the stage wearing white tuxedos and launch into "It Takes Two," complete with choreography and backup dancers. It's all so cheesy. I wish we still had variety shows. The rest of the Osmonds enjoy being in the control room. Donny and Marie sing their trademark signoff that begins, "May tomorrow be a perfect day," and I surprise myself by remembering all the words. I used to have a Donny Osmond doll. He was so much cooler than Ken -- he had purple socks! ["Is it pathetic that I still have my Donny doll? Not like on me or anything…" -- Niki] Alan reads a review of the show that calls the signoff "sickeningly sweet." Ma says that Elvis loved the signoff. I guess that means that he didn't shoot the television set. They had better not book Robert Goulet as a guest, just to play it safe. Some Osmond says it ends what's supposed to be a fun show on a serious note. Donny starts to give his opinion, but Alan wants to hear from Merrill first. Donny is cheesed off that he doesn't have a say, but Alan says that Donny's too close to it to give an honest opinion. Pa says that all that matters is that America loves them, and Alan ceremoniously dumps the review in the trashcan. Where have I seen that before? Donny and Marie do a skit based on the old Canadian Mountie rescues a woman tied to the train track story. If I remember correctly, this segment was called "The Perils of Marie." Donny delivers his line, but Alan corrects him, and then scolds him some more. Donny apologizes. Alan tells some lady to "have them run it until it's perfect." As Alan walks away, Wayne asks Alan if he's supposed to wear a particularly gaudy red costume. Alan thinks it'll be fun. Wayne doesn't look too happy. I think Alan inherited some of Pa's egomania. A musical number starts with the Osmonds wearing giant red lobster costumes and singing "By the Sea." Oh, for crying out loud, this is terrible. I can't believe that this is what passed for entertainment in this country less than twenty years ago. The Osmonds watch the replay on a monitor backstage and laugh, but Wayne walks off. Merrill finds Wayne sitting on the floor in his dressing room, still wearing the lobster head. It would be a lot easier to take this scene seriously if he wasn't still wearing the costume. Anyway, Wayne is upset that he's been reduced to this, a "clown on someone else's hit show." Merrill says that they're producers of the show. Wayne says they're supposed to be musicians, and finally takes off the lobster head, but it's almost worse since his terrible wig sticks straight up. Merrill says they'll always be musicians, but Wayne wonders how you can be a musician when you don't play music, and then reminisces about their tours, and how the people loved them, and they were a big success, but it "seems like another lifetime." Merrill says they're not dead. Wayne thinks they should have "stayed with it," and that they could have continued, but didn't. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Wayne.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

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