MONDO EXTRAS

And the bride wore...

by Wendola February 8, 2001
InStyle Celebrity Weddings

Toni shimmies around in a "bias-cut silk dress with a cowl neckline" from Richard Tyler. It's sleeveless and drapey and just sort of hangs halfway down her chest. It looks like a wet toga. No, really. It looks like she went to a toga party and walked home in the rain and then somehow snagged the neckline on a doorknob, or on her foot, or some damn thing. You look at this dress and think, "I don't want to know what happened." Richard Tyler says, "It's sexy. It's not a dirty word to feel sexy on your wedding day." Oh, ew.

Next, Toni twirls around in a big poofy tulle strapless dress. The skirt is huge. Really fucking huge. Like, the hem has about the same circumference as a petroleum tank. This dress could crush anything in its path. Crop circles in Nebraska could have been caused by this dress. It's a Vera Wang dress. "Ooh, Miss Wang," Toni raves. "All us girls around the world love her." And then Vera Wang makes an appearance and gets to say Visionary Things: "Women blah blah express themselves blather blah blah on their wedding day blah blah personal statement bibbety blah."

Finally, Toni models another Vera Wang dress that looks kind of cool. Well, it makes her look like one of those scary doll cakes, but you have to admit that at some point in your life YOU wanted one of those doll cakes.

Okay, can we go back to T-Boz's wedding? We can't? Damn.

Mary Stuart Masterson and Damon Santostefano

THE BACKGROUND STORY: Mary Stuart Masterson is getting married. Mary Stuart Masterson would like everyone to remember that despite her lovable androgynous charm in Some Kind of Wonderful and Fried Green Tomatoes, she is getting married in a private and tasteful and understated ceremony, and said ceremony is being featured in the InStyle Wedding Special really for no other reason than to gently remind everyone, in a tasteful and understated way, that she is straight.

THE DRESS: Tasteful, understated.

THE CEREMONY: Ditto.

Okay, I have nothing to work with here. And I'm pretty sure Mary Stuart Masterson really is straight. Let's move on.

Brian Littrell and Pretty Blonde Nobody

THE BACKGROUND STORY: They met while he was shooting a video with his group, the Backstreet Boys. "I was lookin' at the headshots of the ladies who were gonna be in the video, and I saw her," he explains in a candid interview. Pretty Blonde Nobody sits by his side; she's like, "Whatever. I'm hot." "She just knocked me off mah feet," says Brian. Pretty Blonde Nobody speaks eloquently of the fans of the Backstreet Boys: "There were like, all these girls, and they were like, 'Whoo!' and then they'd pass out." Heh.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next

Comments

And the bride wore...

by Wendola February 8, 2001
InStyle Celebrity Weddings Richard Tyler lounges on a couch somewhere and says, "A bride should try on lots and lots of gowns until she feels very…comfortable." He's really old and creepy. Toni shimmies around in a "bias-cut silk dress with a cowl neckline" from Richard Tyler. It's sleeveless and drapey and just sort of hangs halfway down her chest. It looks like a wet toga. No, really. It looks like she went to a toga party and walked home in the rain and then somehow snagged the neckline on a doorknob, or on her foot, or some damn thing. You look at this dress and think, "I don't want to know what happened." Richard Tyler says, "It's sexy. It's not a dirty word to feel sexy on your wedding day." Oh, ew. Next, Toni twirls around in a big poofy tulle strapless dress. The skirt is huge. Really fucking huge. Like, the hem has about the same circumference as a petroleum tank. This dress could crush anything in its path. Crop circles in Nebraska could have been caused by this dress. It's a Vera Wang dress. "Ooh, Miss Wang," Toni raves. "All us girls around the world love her." And then Vera Wang makes an appearance and gets to say Visionary Things: "Women blah blah express themselves blather blah blah on their wedding day blah blah personal statement bibbety blah." Finally, Toni models another Vera Wang dress that looks kind of cool. Well, it makes her look like one of those scary doll cakes, but you have to admit that at some point in your life YOU wanted one of those doll cakes. Okay, can we go back to T-Boz's wedding? We can't? Damn.

Mary Stuart Masterson and Damon Santostefano

THE BACKGROUND STORY: Mary Stuart Masterson is getting married. Mary Stuart Masterson would like everyone to remember that despite her lovable androgynous charm in Some Kind of Wonderful and Fried Green Tomatoes, she is getting married in a private and tasteful and understated ceremony, and said ceremony is being featured in the InStyle Wedding Special really for no other reason than to gently remind everyone, in a tasteful and understated way, that she is straight. THE DRESS: Tasteful, understated. THE CEREMONY: Ditto. Okay, I have nothing to work with here. And I'm pretty sure Mary Stuart Masterson really is straight. Let's move on.

Brian Littrell and Pretty Blonde Nobody

THE BACKGROUND STORY: They met while he was shooting a video with his group, the Backstreet Boys. "I was lookin' at the headshots of the ladies who were gonna be in the video, and I saw her," he explains in a candid interview. Pretty Blonde Nobody sits by his side; she's like, "Whatever. I'm hot." "She just knocked me off mah feet," says Brian. Pretty Blonde Nobody speaks eloquently of the fans of the Backstreet Boys: "There were like, all these girls, and they were like, 'Whoo!' and then they'd pass out." Heh.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP