MONDO EXTRAS

And the bride wore...

by Wendola February 8, 2001
InStyle Celebrity Weddings

It's true they are very cute together. They both have slight southern accents and don't really act like famous people. They look like they could be working at Hardees and flirting with each other all day. ["In two years, they will be." -- Sars]

THE CEREMONY: The wedding has fairy-tale theme. Hmm. Not reading too much into that.

It takes four hours and six hairpieces to give Pretty Blonde Nobody "fairy-tale hair." It's a whole huge pile of greasy ringlets, is what it is; it's Ye Olde Serving Wench hair. Which isn't to say it's not impressive. Then it takes her thirty minutes to get into her dress, which supposedly is one hell of a dress and can stand up by itself. I don't know if this means she gets lowered in by a crane or what, but it sounds like a really big deal. She winds up looking like something out of a particularly lavish production of Marat/Sade. They get married at the Peachtree Christian Church in Atlanta. Thank God: I was worried they'd get into this fairy tale thing too much and hold the wedding at a Medieval Times.

THE CAKE: Oh my God. It hurts my eyes. It's taller than a midget pimp and wearing twice as much gold. It's lavishly decorated, and by "lavishly decorated" I mean it looks like Liberace himself took a Bedazzler in one hand and a Christmas tree in the other, and then had a grand mal seizure all over this cake while meanwhile the sky opened up and rained pearls. Goddamn it is one tacky-ass cake. There's also a groom's cake that looks like a humidor, except it's completely edible. "A lot of guests thought the cigars were real and stole them," says Pretty Blonde Nobody. "But then later on they found them all mushy in their pocket," adds Brian. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but a mushy cigar is just not the sort of psychosexual imagery you want at your wedding.

You know, they never mentioned what they ate for dinner at any of these weddings. Maybe Celebrity Wedding food sucks just like regular wedding food.

The rest of the Backstreet Boys show up and sing at the reception Kevin Richardson's black, black eyebrows absorb so much light that the room grows dim for a second. Then Brian sings a very special song he wrote just for Pretty Blonde Nobody. They don't have a video of him singing it at the ceremony, but right in the middle of the candid interview he sings it a cappella. In the song, he sings that Pretty Blonde Nobody is beautiful and is his destiny and makes his heart imagine and she means so much to him and she is everything to him and she's his inspiration and his heart will go on and all that. She stares at him a little uncomfortably. He takes a breath or two and then goes on singing that she lights up his life and makes him feel whole and understands him like no other and completes him and baby baby he's all hers and he means it from the bottom of his soul and his boy-band lyric repertoire.

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And the bride wore...

by Wendola February 8, 2001
InStyle Celebrity Weddings It's true they are very cute together. They both have slight southern accents and don't really act like famous people. They look like they could be working at Hardees and flirting with each other all day. ["In two years, they will be." -- Sars] THE CEREMONY: The wedding has fairy-tale theme. Hmm. Not reading too much into that. It takes four hours and six hairpieces to give Pretty Blonde Nobody "fairy-tale hair." It's a whole huge pile of greasy ringlets, is what it is; it's Ye Olde Serving Wench hair. Which isn't to say it's not impressive. Then it takes her thirty minutes to get into her dress, which supposedly is one hell of a dress and can stand up by itself. I don't know if this means she gets lowered in by a crane or what, but it sounds like a really big deal. She winds up looking like something out of a particularly lavish production of Marat/Sade. They get married at the Peachtree Christian Church in Atlanta. Thank God: I was worried they'd get into this fairy tale thing too much and hold the wedding at a Medieval Times. THE CAKE: Oh my God. It hurts my eyes. It's taller than a midget pimp and wearing twice as much gold. It's lavishly decorated, and by "lavishly decorated" I mean it looks like Liberace himself took a Bedazzler in one hand and a Christmas tree in the other, and then had a grand mal seizure all over this cake while meanwhile the sky opened up and rained pearls. Goddamn it is one tacky-ass cake. There's also a groom's cake that looks like a humidor, except it's completely edible. "A lot of guests thought the cigars were real and stole them," says Pretty Blonde Nobody. "But then later on they found them all mushy in their pocket," adds Brian. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but a mushy cigar is just not the sort of psychosexual imagery you want at your wedding. You know, they never mentioned what they ate for dinner at any of these weddings. Maybe Celebrity Wedding food sucks just like regular wedding food. The rest of the Backstreet Boys show up and sing at the reception Kevin Richardson's black, black eyebrows absorb so much light that the room grows dim for a second. Then Brian sings a very special song he wrote just for Pretty Blonde Nobody. They don't have a video of him singing it at the ceremony, but right in the middle of the candid interview he sings it a cappella. In the song, he sings that Pretty Blonde Nobody is beautiful and is his destiny and makes his heart imagine and she means so much to him and she is everything to him and she's his inspiration and his heart will go on and all that. She stares at him a little uncomfortably. He takes a breath or two and then goes on singing that she lights up his life and makes him feel whole and understands him like no other and completes him and baby baby he's all hers and he means it from the bottom of his soul and his boy-band lyric repertoire.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next

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