MONDO EXTRAS

You Down With OCD?

by Wing Chun January 10, 2006
Intervention: “Gabe And Vanessa”

Gabe walks into what looks like a Mail Boxes Etc., and emerges with his mail. He flicks through it for the camera, showing how many solicitations he still receives from casinos, offering him free rooms and credit lines and so forth: "My sick brain thinks, 'Well, wait a minute -- I turned two hundred dollars into eighty-five thousand one time, so maybe this is my golden ticket, you know?" That does suck, and is, I guess, a particular hazard of being addicted to a legal vice. It's not like meth addicts get on mailing lists and then have to deal with all these flyers like "Still have a few teeth left in your head? We can help!" Anyway, Gabe throws all the junk mail away and says how liberating it is.

As we watch Gabe chasing his dogs (yes, plural) through his apartment -- which looks a lot nicer from this angle; he can't decorate for shit, but the place apparently has at least two levels, and while I'm already digressing, I hope I didn't do anything bad enough in this life to be reincarnated as an animal dependent on Gabe in the next -- he brags in a voice-over, "I'm in a place of my own where I can feel comfortable." However, the Black Screen Of Sobering Facts wants us to know that's not the whole story: "Gabe's parents cover 75 percent of his expenses, including his rent." Wait, WHAT? His ass cut out of rehab and they're still supporting him? Jesus, they deserve every bad thing that's happened to them if they want to be chumps like that. Gabe admits that if his parents hadn't coughed up, he "would not have been able to go on." Meaning...he would have had to get a job and a roommate? Only allowed himself one dog? "I would have killed myself." ...Oh. This dude really does not want to get a job. Sobering Fact: "Gabe's parents declined to take part in this episode." Guess Gabe's not the only one ashamed of his behaviour...although at least he has less to be ashamed of in the present, Mr. and Mrs. Gabe.

Gabe uses a common household spoon to stir something in a beaker...in his apartment. Well, what's so wrong with that? Where's your lab, if not your dining room? He voice-overs that he's "working" "in product development, as a chemist, formulating mouthwash." The camera pulls back to reveal that he's sciencing while kneeling in front of a little coffee table pushed up against the wall. At this point when we watched it live, my sister said, "God, he's so pathetic. He's the Corey Haim of chemistry." As he futzes, Gabe explains to the producers, who are probably swallowing their tongues trying not to laugh, "Cinnamon can overpower, so we want to put a little bit less than mint." He asserts, "I'm being paid well for this project" (tacky, and I don't believe it anyway -- although I admit I have no sense of what the going salary is these days for freelance hobby chemists in the health and beauty sector), "but I get the majority of it on completion." So when he cracks the mouthwash code and gets his windfall, he's totally going to pay his parents back, I'm sure. "I want to know that I don't have to worry about money again." "Again"? When did he ever worry about money? His dumb-ass parents were the ones worrying; he didn't seem to anxious about treating them like his own private credit union.

Gabe walks down the street. A voice-over begins, "It all comes down to lessons learned..." Cut to Adam, Gabe's former friend, in a confessional: "...And Gabe has learned nothing." Adam, you are goddamn right. He shakes his head a little and adds, "It's disturbing." Cut back to Gabe walking determinedly down the street with his signature horrendous posture, chin thrust out defiantly. A chyron appears to tell us that Gabe is about to see Adam for the first time since the intervention; they are meeting out in the open in the neutral location of a public park. As Gabe settles onto a bench, the chyron adds, "Gabe still owes Adam $8,400." Ah, so that's why Adam is still bothering to maintain any kind of tie to this fuckwad: he thinks he's going to get his money back someday. He so isn't. As we watch Adam walking toward the bench, he voice-overs, "Gabe has made no attempt to return any money to me, at any time. He is not...I don't think he's felt any sorrow, any remorse. He doesn't care." Adam, the more you shit on Gabe, the hotter you look. On the bench, Gabe looks shifty and nervous about the imminent meeting, and whines, "I just hope he understands, there's nothing I can do right now." Adam voice-overs that if Gabe still wants to be his friend, he'll give Gabe the chance to earn back Adam's friendship, without extending himself.

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You Down With OCD?

by Wing Chun January 10, 2006
Intervention: “Gabe And Vanessa”

Gabe walks into what looks like a Mail Boxes Etc., and emerges with his mail. He flicks through it for the camera, showing how many solicitations he still receives from casinos, offering him free rooms and credit lines and so forth: "My sick brain thinks, 'Well, wait a minute -- I turned two hundred dollars into eighty-five thousand one time, so maybe this is my golden ticket, you know?" That does suck, and is, I guess, a particular hazard of being addicted to a legal vice. It's not like meth addicts get on mailing lists and then have to deal with all these flyers like "Still have a few teeth left in your head? We can help!" Anyway, Gabe throws all the junk mail away and says how liberating it is.

As we watch Gabe chasing his dogs (yes, plural) through his apartment -- which looks a lot nicer from this angle; he can't decorate for shit, but the place apparently has at least two levels, and while I'm already digressing, I hope I didn't do anything bad enough in this life to be reincarnated as an animal dependent on Gabe in the next -- he brags in a voice-over, "I'm in a place of my own where I can feel comfortable." However, the Black Screen Of Sobering Facts wants us to know that's not the whole story: "Gabe's parents cover 75 percent of his expenses, including his rent." Wait, WHAT? His ass cut out of rehab and they're still supporting him? Jesus, they deserve every bad thing that's happened to them if they want to be chumps like that. Gabe admits that if his parents hadn't coughed up, he "would not have been able to go on." Meaning...he would have had to get a job and a roommate? Only allowed himself one dog? "I would have killed myself." ...Oh. This dude really does not want to get a job. Sobering Fact: "Gabe's parents declined to take part in this episode." Guess Gabe's not the only one ashamed of his behaviour...although at least he has less to be ashamed of in the present, Mr. and Mrs. Gabe.

Gabe uses a common household spoon to stir something in a beaker...in his apartment. Well, what's so wrong with that? Where's your lab, if not your dining room? He voice-overs that he's "working" "in product development, as a chemist, formulating mouthwash." The camera pulls back to reveal that he's sciencing while kneeling in front of a little coffee table pushed up against the wall. At this point when we watched it live, my sister said, "God, he's so pathetic. He's the Corey Haim of chemistry." As he futzes, Gabe explains to the producers, who are probably swallowing their tongues trying not to laugh, "Cinnamon can overpower, so we want to put a little bit less than mint." He asserts, "I'm being paid well for this project" (tacky, and I don't believe it anyway -- although I admit I have no sense of what the going salary is these days for freelance hobby chemists in the health and beauty sector), "but I get the majority of it on completion." So when he cracks the mouthwash code and gets his windfall, he's totally going to pay his parents back, I'm sure. "I want to know that I don't have to worry about money again." "Again"? When did he ever worry about money? His dumb-ass parents were the ones worrying; he didn't seem to anxious about treating them like his own private credit union.

Gabe walks down the street. A voice-over begins, "It all comes down to lessons learned..." Cut to Adam, Gabe's former friend, in a confessional: "...And Gabe has learned nothing." Adam, you are goddamn right. He shakes his head a little and adds, "It's disturbing." Cut back to Gabe walking determinedly down the street with his signature horrendous posture, chin thrust out defiantly. A chyron appears to tell us that Gabe is about to see Adam for the first time since the intervention; they are meeting out in the open in the neutral location of a public park. As Gabe settles onto a bench, the chyron adds, "Gabe still owes Adam $8,400." Ah, so that's why Adam is still bothering to maintain any kind of tie to this fuckwad: he thinks he's going to get his money back someday. He so isn't. As we watch Adam walking toward the bench, he voice-overs, "Gabe has made no attempt to return any money to me, at any time. He is not...I don't think he's felt any sorrow, any remorse. He doesn't care." Adam, the more you shit on Gabe, the hotter you look. On the bench, Gabe looks shifty and nervous about the imminent meeting, and whines, "I just hope he understands, there's nothing I can do right now." Adam voice-overs that if Gabe still wants to be his friend, he'll give Gabe the chance to earn back Adam's friendship, without extending himself.

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