MONDO EXTRAS

You Down With OCD?

by Wing Chun January 10, 2006
Intervention: “Gabe And Vanessa”

Gabe stops the car and tells the unseen producer, "This was my house, right here, from the age of twelve to thirty, so eighteen years here." Laurie breaks in to tell us, "We had to sell our one and only house, which I dearly loved -- we all loved it." The Black Screen Of Judgment declares, "Gabe refuses to accept that his parents sold their home to pay his gambling debts." Which...what? He won't admit that he's the reason they don't live there anymore? He tells people (and himself) that they sold it to pay...what, their own gambling debts? What? I feel like that could have been illustrated with an explanatory interview with Gabe, where he tries to tell us that his parents could have paid his gambling debts with their savings, but chose not to, or whatever. As we see Mr. Gabe sitting forlornly on a bed, Gabe tells us that his dad is a nervous wreck, and can't deal with anything Gabe-related. His parents kicked him out of the house -- good! But then...

...we cut to the totally fine, Days Inn-calibre hotel room -- complete with kitchenette, by the way -- that Gabe's parents "put [him] up in." Okay, senior Gabes? It doesn't really mean much for you to kick your wayward child out of the family home if you're still going to finance his new living arrangement. Maybe if you'd known how to punish Gabe back when he was an actual child, he might not have gotten himself into such dire straits later in life...but I'm getting slightly ahead of myself. Gabe now lives in a perfectly nice hotel room, courtesy of his chickenshit parents. BSOJ: "Gabe's residency hotel costs his parents $600 a week." It...really seems like they could probably find him a cheaper furnished apartment in the greater L.A. area. Perhaps Gabe's problems stem from the fact that no one in his family knows the value of a dollar. ["Well, really. That could get you a pretty damn sweet apartment in Brooklyn." -- Sars] After a moment, the BSOJ adds, "He has promised them that he is looking for a job." The BSOJ does not need to say, "He isn't, obviously," but conveys that nicely with its faux-neutral tone and word choice, because the BSOJ is a bitch, and I love it.

Gabe takes inventory in his hotel room, showing the camera his antacids and Excedrin. Excedrin's like, "We're pretty sure that dude takes Bufferin. We do not endorse this message." The camera pans over Gabe's desk, littered with piles of mail, Visine, what looks like a deck of cards, McDonald's detritus.

Gabe's got his phone in his ear again as he tells us that running out of money is "the worst feeling in the world." People who've "run out of money" by spending it on things like food for their children or a hotel room their parents aren't ponying up for, instead of pissing it away in a casino, picture Gabe as a cherub having been dismembered under the back tire of an eighteen-wheeler. On the phone, Gabe whines, "You have to deposit nine hundred dollars cash." The BSOJ brings us up to speed: "Gabe is $200,000 in debt. He receives more than 20 calls a day from creditors. He is asking his mother for help." Gabe tries a wheedling tone: "I know you can't afford to fix all the problems. I'm asking you to do whatever you can, whatever you have to do, by whatever means necessary." And, frankly, that sucks for Laurie, but she's obviously brought this on herself. You teach people how to treat you, Laurie, and Gabe has learned somehow that you are his ATM.

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You Down With OCD?

by Wing Chun January 10, 2006
Intervention: “Gabe And Vanessa”

Gabe stops the car and tells the unseen producer, "This was my house, right here, from the age of twelve to thirty, so eighteen years here." Laurie breaks in to tell us, "We had to sell our one and only house, which I dearly loved -- we all loved it." The Black Screen Of Judgment declares, "Gabe refuses to accept that his parents sold their home to pay his gambling debts." Which...what? He won't admit that he's the reason they don't live there anymore? He tells people (and himself) that they sold it to pay...what, their own gambling debts? What? I feel like that could have been illustrated with an explanatory interview with Gabe, where he tries to tell us that his parents could have paid his gambling debts with their savings, but chose not to, or whatever. As we see Mr. Gabe sitting forlornly on a bed, Gabe tells us that his dad is a nervous wreck, and can't deal with anything Gabe-related. His parents kicked him out of the house -- good! But then...

...we cut to the totally fine, Days Inn-calibre hotel room -- complete with kitchenette, by the way -- that Gabe's parents "put [him] up in." Okay, senior Gabes? It doesn't really mean much for you to kick your wayward child out of the family home if you're still going to finance his new living arrangement. Maybe if you'd known how to punish Gabe back when he was an actual child, he might not have gotten himself into such dire straits later in life...but I'm getting slightly ahead of myself. Gabe now lives in a perfectly nice hotel room, courtesy of his chickenshit parents. BSOJ: "Gabe's residency hotel costs his parents $600 a week." It...really seems like they could probably find him a cheaper furnished apartment in the greater L.A. area. Perhaps Gabe's problems stem from the fact that no one in his family knows the value of a dollar. ["Well, really. That could get you a pretty damn sweet apartment in Brooklyn." -- Sars] After a moment, the BSOJ adds, "He has promised them that he is looking for a job." The BSOJ does not need to say, "He isn't, obviously," but conveys that nicely with its faux-neutral tone and word choice, because the BSOJ is a bitch, and I love it.

Gabe takes inventory in his hotel room, showing the camera his antacids and Excedrin. Excedrin's like, "We're pretty sure that dude takes Bufferin. We do not endorse this message." The camera pans over Gabe's desk, littered with piles of mail, Visine, what looks like a deck of cards, McDonald's detritus.

Gabe's got his phone in his ear again as he tells us that running out of money is "the worst feeling in the world." People who've "run out of money" by spending it on things like food for their children or a hotel room their parents aren't ponying up for, instead of pissing it away in a casino, picture Gabe as a cherub having been dismembered under the back tire of an eighteen-wheeler. On the phone, Gabe whines, "You have to deposit nine hundred dollars cash." The BSOJ brings us up to speed: "Gabe is $200,000 in debt. He receives more than 20 calls a day from creditors. He is asking his mother for help." Gabe tries a wheedling tone: "I know you can't afford to fix all the problems. I'm asking you to do whatever you can, whatever you have to do, by whatever means necessary." And, frankly, that sucks for Laurie, but she's obviously brought this on herself. You teach people how to treat you, Laurie, and Gabe has learned somehow that you are his ATM.

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