Mondo Extra
Jack

Episode Report Card
LTG: C+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Jack
Props to AuroraBee. It was a funny joke, but I just couldn't figure out how to work it in. So it seems that Showtime has decided to horn in on HBO's act, bringing us warm dramas that will enlighten us and enrich our lives. Except, because it's Showtime, the producers are contractually obligated to make their movies out of 100% pure cheese. Let's see if the makers of Jack have fulfilled their mandate. We start off by learning that the movie is rated PG, for adult content. Wait, this is Showtime: where's the nudity? Where's the nudity? Credits. Between each performer's name, we see some piece of all-American childhood memorabilia sitting lonely and forlorn. Bicycle, lonely and forlorn on the grass. Milk bottles, lonely and forlorn on a railing. Skateboard, lonely and forlorn in the driveway. Birdhouse, lonely and forlorn on a pole. Roller skates, lonely and forlorn in the yard. Football, lonely and forlorn by a tree. Soccer ball, lonely and forlorn next to the curb. Baseball, glove, and bat, forlorn -- but not lonely, because, you know, they have each other. Like a happy little family. Of inanimate objects. I'm sensing a theme -- maybe something about being alone, and forlorn. But I'm just spitballin', here. We open on a lovely suburban street, full of pretty houses and picket fences. According to the title on the screen, it's 1982. To remind us of what a wholesome and innocent time it was, there's a shot of a milkman delivering milk in his little white uniform. In 1982. A milkman. Somehow, I suspect he's delivering some cheese along with that milk. Pan over to the house next door, where someone is erecting a basketball hoop on a pole as a blue station wagon pulls into the driveway. We can't quite make anything out, because there are trees and shrubs in the way. Cut to a view of the same scene, filmed from above. It's almost as though the camera were creepily spying on everything from an upstairs window. Through the branches, we see Stockard Channing get out of the station wagon. We can't see her very well, but it's Stockard Channing, so let's just assume she looks fabulous. She starts asking, rather belligerently, "What are you doing?" Pan over to Ron Silver. Again, we can't see him very well, but he's Ron Silver, so let's assume he looks like a sleazy asshole. (I know Ron has his fans, but I'll always remember him as the man who couldn't even make me believe that Kirstie Alley was hot for him in Veronica's Closet. Kirstie Alley, people. Even Merritt Butrick was able to believably turn on Kirstie Alley.) Ron Silver tells Stockard that he's putting up a basketball hoop "for Jack." "What, today?" "Yes, today. It was the only day Michael was available." As she unloads the groceries from the car, Stockard gives Ron crap about the location of the hoop and tells him to hurry up and leave. She's being kind of pissy, but it's Ron Silver, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

Mondo Extra

Comments

Mondo Extra
Jack

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Jack

Props to AuroraBee. It was a funny joke, but I just couldn't figure out how to work it in.

So it seems that Showtime has decided to horn in on HBO's act, bringing us warm dramas that will enlighten us and enrich our lives. Except, because it's Showtime, the producers are contractually obligated to make their movies out of 100% pure cheese. Let's see if the makers of Jack have fulfilled their mandate.

We start off by learning that the movie is rated PG, for adult content. Wait, this is Showtime: where's the nudity? Where's the nudity?

Credits. Between each performer's name, we see some piece of all-American childhood memorabilia sitting lonely and forlorn. Bicycle, lonely and forlorn on the grass. Milk bottles, lonely and forlorn on a railing. Skateboard, lonely and forlorn in the driveway. Birdhouse, lonely and forlorn on a pole. Roller skates, lonely and forlorn in the yard. Football, lonely and forlorn by a tree. Soccer ball, lonely and forlorn next to the curb. Baseball, glove, and bat, forlorn -- but not lonely, because, you know, they have each other. Like a happy little family. Of inanimate objects. I'm sensing a theme -- maybe something about being alone, and forlorn. But I'm just spitballin', here.

We open on a lovely suburban street, full of pretty houses and picket fences. According to the title on the screen, it's 1982. To remind us of what a wholesome and innocent time it was, there's a shot of a milkman delivering milk in his little white uniform. In 1982. A milkman. Somehow, I suspect he's delivering some cheese along with that milk. Pan over to the house next door, where someone is erecting a basketball hoop on a pole as a blue station wagon pulls into the driveway. We can't quite make anything out, because there are trees and shrubs in the way.

Cut to a view of the same scene, filmed from above. It's almost as though the camera were creepily spying on everything from an upstairs window. Through the branches, we see Stockard Channing get out of the station wagon. We can't see her very well, but it's Stockard Channing, so let's just assume she looks fabulous. She starts asking, rather belligerently, "What are you doing?" Pan over to Ron Silver. Again, we can't see him very well, but he's Ron Silver, so let's assume he looks like a sleazy asshole. (I know Ron has his fans, but I'll always remember him as the man who couldn't even make me believe that Kirstie Alley was hot for him in Veronica's Closet. Kirstie Alley, people. Even Merritt Butrick was able to believably turn on Kirstie Alley.) Ron Silver tells Stockard that he's putting up a basketball hoop "for Jack." "What, today?" "Yes, today. It was the only day Michael was available." As she unloads the groceries from the car, Stockard gives Ron crap about the location of the hoop and tells him to hurry up and leave. She's being kind of pissy, but it's Ron Silver, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

Mondo Extra

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP