MONDO EXTRAS

If only I knew more about the Kennedys and the musical Camelot. Imagine the wealth of JFK/Robert Goulet jokes I could mine! Oh, well. I'll have to stick to making fun of Lauren Holly. It's almost too easy. So, as a reference, here's a quick breakdown of the names I call the Kennedy brothers, in case you're confused. John Fitzgerald Kennedy = Jack in casual, day-to-day mode, JFK in presidential mode. Robert Fitzgerald Kennedy = Bobby/RFK. Edward M. Kennedy = Ted or Teddy, depending on how frisky I'm feeling. I try to be consistent about how I use the names, but I slip up occasionally. Please don't send me anal-retentive emails if I do mess up. I'll just think you're illiterate. We don't want that, now, do we? Welcome to an NBC. Motion Picture. Event. All about three young women, thrusting, and history. Well, not really, but it might as well be, and that's part of what the promo said. Three unsuspecting young women marry into powerful political clan, become part of history, sometimes against their will, yap yap yap. We then see blipverts of every single major dramatic point in the movie. I guess my editor wouldn't let me get away with recapping a two-minute preview. ["You didn't even ask! But, good point." -- Sars] Shit. Man, I keep flashing on that song, "I'm Glad I'm not a Kennedy." Imagine flipping on the TV at random and there's your entire family history, exploited for sweeps, for the eight millionth time. NBC news footage -- the genuine article. Is that "synergy," or would that be "pillag-ory?" Anyways. It's in glorious black and white. It's election eve. It's the Nixon-Kennedy race, and as the numbers flash, it's unbelievably close. Movie title. Water. Hyannis Port, November 9, 1960. The camera pans over the Kennedy compound. More black-and-white news footage rolls by. Oooh. The ironic resonance with our just-past election fairly deafens me. Except it doesn't, because I felt the wind of the falling anvil and ran the hell out of the way. OSHA doesn't cover that. Close-up of Joe Kennedy and his very owlish glasses glaring at the TV screen. More news clips. More shots of the house. Joan sits on the porch in a suspiciously J. Crew-y looking sweater. She wanders inside and joins the tense Kennedy clan as they watch the returns. Joan asks Joe, "Do you need anything?" Joe never takes his eyes from the screen and grunts, "Yes. California." 7:19 a.m. -- the news announces JFK as the winner. Cut to the famous Kennedy football game(s) at Hyannis Port immortalized in God knows how many "Photographs of the Century" commemoratives. Robert, Ethel, and JFK are the comers in the game. Everyone talks in Boston accents. God, if only one of the Kennedys had married a Lithuanian. What I wouldn't give for a non-East-Coast accent. Ethel, as is her wont, is hustling too hard and yelling, "Now, Mr. President, do it now!" She does some nice broken-field running and scores. She's obviously the pushy, social-climbing one. Heh. Why do I get the feeling that casting Lauren Holly in this role is some not-very-inside joke? JFK falls after tossing the ball. RFK calls out, "My brother Jack -- all guts, no brains!" The sycophantic press laugh. JFK gets up and tells RFK to cover for him, not to let the press know that his back is acting up again.

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