MONDO EXTRAS

Schlocky, Death-Knell, and Moan

by TWoP March 7, 2001

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Schlocky, Death-Knell, and Moan

by Manimal March 7, 2001
Jackie, Ethel, Joan: The Women Of Camelot, Part I Back to the hairstylist. The receptionist hears the news as Joan sits upstairs, happily nattering on about her anniversary plans. They break the news to her. She rushes into her car. Back at Bobby's, Ethel helps him pack. The phone rings and no one moves to get it. It rings. And rings. And rings. Bobby finally answers. The President is dead. Bobby says blankly, "Oh my God, he's dead." Ethel starts to cry and says, "Those poor kids." Oh, Ethel. If you only knew. Okay, so props to NBC for not tackily reenacting the whole brains-on-Jackie's-pink-Chanel-suit scene. Who knew they'd go the restrained route? Jeez. What's with the kids these days? Wait. I spoke too soon. So instead of the infamous assassination scene, we get the operating room -- the doctors surrounding JFK's body, a weeping Jackie. The doctor is crying as he breaks the news to her. Jackie says, "I know." We get a grotesque close-up of her bloody glove as she touches his face. All the doctors are crying. Wow, even in this cheesy miniseries this moment still gets me. My God. Either that or I'm crashing from the box of Thin Mints I just ate. Curse this devil PMS. Or PTSD. Or whatever it is. Boring Joan and Ted scenes. Ted, once again left out of everything, can't get any of the phones to work because the circuits are slammed. Joan and Ted watch the TV, mesmerized. Ted storms out to find a working phone, saying, "It can't be true." Back to the hospital. Jackie surveys the dead body of her husband. She walks up and touches one of his feet. She kisses it. She's crying (duh). Ted finally gets through to Bobby. Bobby tells Ted, "He's dead." Bobby slams the phone down and erupts in rage, then runs to Ethel, who holds him as he starts to cry. He's really losing it. So am I. Oh, man, this poor family. Curse these devil hormones. Back at Joan's. Apparently NBC worked out some deal with CBS, because we see a real news clip of Walter Cronkite, The Only Legitimate TV Anchor/Journalist Ever, and I believe he was on CBS, announcing JFK's death. Joan cries. Watching Walter Cronkite's real, visible distress makes me cry. I cry even harder when I remember that I'm watching Cronkite's distress during this piece of stink-on-ice that passes for a Movie Event. Ted bursts into the house and tells Joan he's going to find a working phone to call his mother, and then he's going to Hyannis Port. Joan is wearing a really adorable print dress, by the way, very Op Art-y, in white, camel, and brown. Joan starts babbling about how she can help, and Ted cuts her off at the knees with an abrupt "Just go to sleep, or something." Jeez. JEEZ. That is SO TERRIBLE. Joan rushes after him, calling his name, but he ignores her. Man! Oh, man, that just is stinkier than the worst stink ever.

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